OK, this is a weird one, but it was too funny not to share (and there was a truck involved). First, let me set the stage. I moved from Massachusetts to Ohio, met and married a wonderful country girl. She has two older brothers, one an ex-marine, the other a retired army sergeant. They’re both huge, stupid and they hate me. From the first day I met them (12 years ago) I have been picked on and made fun of for everything I say or do, or think. At 6’-2”, 210 lbs, I’m not exactly small, but I can’t bench press a Buick like they both can. Last week I turned 40.

Under the guise of friendship and my birthday, they invited me to go to a sports bar last Sunday, for wings, some beers and to watch the football game. They both know that I have a tricky stomach (ulcer from job stress) and I don’t drink alcohol (since ’87), but my wife convinced me to go, speculating that as we’re all getting older, maybe they were ready to stop being jerks. Wrong.


I downed a few Prilosec and the three of us went to one of these places that claim to have the hottest wings in North America. The marine (James, 42) and the drill sergeant (Don, 52) each put away a full order of wings and a pitcher before I even dented mine. Of couse they had to prove how tough they were and ordered the hottest on the menu. These wings were the most vile things I’d ever eaten, but I promised myself I’d tough it out. Nearing the end of my first plate, I knew I’d had enough and excused myself to the restroom where I promptly ‘lost’ the wings and beer. I could hear the two of them outside the toilet stall laughing hysterically over my condition. They were still laughing as they bellied up to the urinals. I left and went back to the table. I considered just leaving and taking a cab home, but that would just be more fuel for the fire. The brothers ordered more wings and another pitcher each, and continued laughing and doing impressions of me puking. By half-time, they seemed to either be getting drunk or had enough fun at my expense. They were getting even quieter and both noticibly sweating through their shirts. I noticed James make a wincing face as he shifted in his chair. I remember it was during the 3^rd quarter kickoff that they were both really red faced and seemed very uncomfortable. The kick-off was fumbled and recovered by the receiving team and run back for 55 yards. The whole bar went wild, except for Don and James. James finally spoke and said he thought he had to go to the hospital. Don nodded, like he already knew what the problem was. Now, I’m not one to look at another man’s package, but both of them looked like they each had a grape fruit in their pants. Neither of them were able to bend enough to sit in James’ truck (’92 F150) so I drove to the hospital with them laying in the pick up bed. The doctor told me that they each had a severe skin reaction to the chili pepper sauce from the chicken wings. Neither of them thought to wash their hands before taking a leak. They both were suffering from blistering and swelling of their privates. Don was released after a few hours but James had to spend the night. Don’s wife told my wife that each of them were going to be ”out of commission” for at least a month.

I know it’s not right to find humor in the suffering of others, but I’m chalking this one up as a small victory for all the guys who have to take crap from their in-laws.

 

HAHA oh man that is hilarious. and I wouldnt call it a 'small' victory, would call it more of a grapefruit sized one

 

Its all about Karma Maybe they learned something. Most outstanding.

 

Excellent story. LOL.

 

Next time they make fun of you just ask them if they would like some "hot wings"

 

Give each of them a small pack of wet wipes for their birthday.

If they're too stupid to clean off their hands after eating hot wings, they deserve what they get.

 

That's almost as good as the Rhino liner guy (Hootus). ROFL! Justice served...

 

just remind them next time they give you flak, " i may not be able to bench press a buick, but at least i can take a leak without involving the emergency room!"


im still chuckling at the picture of these two brutes, having to drop trow for a cute little nurse! is that a grapefruit in your pants or do you just really like hospitals?!

 

Thats the best story I've heard in awhile. Serves 'em right for still being punks after 12 years, what goes around comes around.

 

Thats great! Even though I am a former Marine I have never been and never will be like those two, lead from the front don't heckle from the rear. Not to hijack your thread but along the same lines had a guy in my unit who was like that, icy-hot has the same repercussions.

Keep a jar of chili powder handy at those family reunions and get togethers, it'll keep 'em quiet

John

 

I've had this happen. Its not funny when it does but it is afterward.

 

Greetings,

Yes indeed that was a good story. I say they got what they deserved. Next time they come over for a family reunion or a large gathering or what not. But say 6 or 7 small, and I’m talking almost hard to see but still noticeable, jars of chili powder and plant then around the house in almost off to the side fashions. Like say almost behind a picture on the mantle. Next to or in the centerpiece of flowers or candles in the dining table…you get the picture. And just to make sure they get the point have some hot wings as a snack.

Signed,
The Don

 

We are an evil, evil group here

 

That we are.

 

Best story I have heard this week.