I have a question that needs answered, and hopefully somebody here may be able to help me, either by personal experience, or with your own kids. All during high school, and even now in college, my dad never let me get a job. He always thought that I wouldn't be able to handle it with school and everything. They also didn't think I was ready to learn to drive when I was 16 either which is why I am now 20 and will FINALLY get my license in about a month or so. Any rate, so without a job I have no money, except for a little allowance here and there and anything I got for my birthday or Christmas etc, I put into my bank. This past spring I had to have my wisdom teeth removed, and my parents don't have dental insurance. It cost $1600 and they made me pay the bill, with my leftover school money (financial aid refund) leaving me pretty much broke.
My dad also came up with the idea to send me to a driving school, and I also had to pay for that. I guess my question is when they know I don't have a job and don't have much money, why are they making me pay for all of these things? I also thought maybe the whole principle or a budget etc they were trying to teach me, but they also know that I am VERY responsible with money, and I took economics in high school and did the whole budgeting and tax forms without any problem. Any input would be appreciated.

 

What is happening to you happens to a lot of kids. When I was in high school, my best friend at the time had a job and once he started getting paid, his dad charged him rent at home to help with groceries, etc. He had to pay his own way once he started working. In your case, I'm not sure I can see the full reasoning except to prepare you for the realities of the world, the expenses and the responsibility you will soon be having when you are totally on your own. In my opinion, your parents may be a little harsh, but then again...they know you much better than I do. I don't know what their income is, but it sounds like they are doing well enough that you are going to college. Maybe a little over protective at times, but I think they are only thinking of your future and wanting to make sure you are totally aware of costs, hidden expenses, unknown expenses that suddenly pop up and want you to make sure you save money and are prepared.

Why don't you tell your parents that it's time to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and explain your feelings and see if you all can come to an understanding. If you do this in a mature manner, you stand good chances of impressing them as to your maturity and readiness for the world on your own.

 

Do you pay for your own school? My take on it is, a job during high school isn't necessary and *can* interfere with school work. But in college, it helps to have not only extra money, but also less time to procrastinate etc... So since you're over 18 and making your own decisions, it's time to make some cash for yourself. Maybe let them know how hard it is to get a professional job if you've never had any sort of employment *at all* prior to that. Or, not always the best road to take, but sometimes necessary: Go out and get a part time job. "Mom, Dad... it could be worse... I could be on drugs..."

 

Good advise giving.....


I have to say that the government considers you a adult at age 18 so your parents should also.
Do the adult thing & break yourself free, make your own decisions.

 

yeah, your 20, you can do whatever you want, so if you want a job, go get one! lol, i cant imagine mom or dad saying " i'm goign to throw you out of this house if you get a job" Just find a good place to work, no like wal mart or somthing, but a small town store, like for me, our local hardware store, hours are 8-8 weekdays which gives me plenty of time to study, i'm usually 4-8 on weekdays cause of school. And weekends are only 8-5 saturday,and 11-4 sunday, which is nice, because you can work, and still have plenty of time to do somthing that day! So if you find a place with hours like that, you can say "look, i'll be able to have a job, with plenty of time for schoolwork!

 

hey bud i can realte to all but the license.... im 17 and just got mine, im not alout to date, or watch pg-13........ i cant listen to any music unless its christian, (which isn't necessarily bad, just not wat i prefer) and all my friends are required to be "good". but i just figure, their house, their rules, not speaking for myslef, in your shoes i would have had my freedom at 18 but you most likley wanted to keep the rents happy.... good htinking.... but there does come a point in your life were you say, im grown up and this is now my life, that i am now in control of.

 

It's way past time to cut the umbilical cord. You need to be the adult for yourself at this point in your life. The longer you let your parents control your life, the harder it will be to take the reins IF they give them over to you. Get a job, do what you need to do to get by. If they won't help you out, you need to help yourself, cuz money don't grow on trees or fall from the sky. You may need to move out of the house to establish your independence as well. My parents made me pay for nearly everything but food from when I was 12 on. I didn't have the money to buy clothing, and was expected to find a way to pay for it on my own. Work was encouraged in my house, but my dad really liked to have some kind of controll. After losing $1500 on the sale of my car because of HIS poor decision-making when I was 20, I took my life back and make my own mistakes. It feels better to have all the control over my own successes and failures and work out my own problems, no matter the outcome. My parents are still involed with my life, but they are the cheerleaders, not the play-callers!
Best of luck to you.
T

 

great advice splash

 

And I thought I had it bad........No offense to anyone. I am 16 goin on 17 in Nov. Got a liscene, vehicle, and job ( had it since 13 ). Allowed to run around with friends to an extent, rarley do it on weekdays because of school. I buy my own gas. Truck is paid for, insurance is paid for ( by parents, but I think I have to take over that at 18 ). I watch R movies ( but I don't really sit down and watch movies, last time in a theater was the last week of July this year, Anchorman, before that, 3 years ago ), listen to whatever music I want, I spend my money my way to an extent, some has to go to savings. It will all turn out for the better, I have friends in positions like that and I really feel for them. Computers are awesome, atleast you have that.

 

Although I think your parents are being controlling, at 20 years old you should almost be out of college. You might be better off avoiding a confrontation and just putting up with it until you've graduated. If you were younger I might think differently. Once you're on your own you can make your own decisions and draw the line where you want it.

 

Not going to try to analyze your parents reasoning. The only advice I will offer is this-it is very hard to get a GOOD job, with or without college if you don't have previous work experience.

T. Roberts
UFD Local 1147