My dad is a bum he hardly works. at this time he has been living with my sister. hes been there about 2 years he hasnt worked the past 2 months. he just recently found work. (hes a brick layer) a while back i caught him smoking crack in his room at my sisters. he begged me not to say anything. i didnt until last week i couldnt hold it in anyone. i let my sister and her husband know and now theyre kicking him out. i just want opinions should i feel guilty about getting him kicked out.
note. he is supposed to be helping her with money. they are about to foreclose on my sisters house because she cant afford all the high price bills that he has been racking up because he uses A/C all day while they are working. now that hes working he only gave her 200 bucks she owes 2200. she did come up with the money but she is still kicking him out. should i feel guilty???

 

I don't think you should feel guilty, you didn't do anything wrong. I know if it was my house I would damn sure want to know if someone was smoking crack... It doesn't seem like he was doing them any favors staying there anyways. I would be more worried about your sister/brother in law than your father, seeing as how he really doesnt have anything to lose.

 

Wouldnt feel bad at all. He is your father but he is showing no respect for your sister generousity and love. See if he wants help with his addiction. If he does, help put him n a drug rehab place, if not, then theres not much you can do for him. I'd worry about your sister more right now though.

 

he doesnt want to help hisself. when we confronted him he totally denied it. even though i seen him take a hit with my own eyes. he wouldnt call me a liar he just kept saying "you dont know what your talking about". he is in denial and i really dont think he want to better himself. sister is taking him to a motel right now.

 

I certainly don't mind helping my parents out when they get too old to take care of themselves, but this man is obviously capable of working...so he must go. Like they have said above, your sister should come first here. Why drag down her life because he can't get his in order

 

Do not humiliate the man! Kick him out, do whatever it takes to get a message of love thru to his thick skull, but do not shame him. He can't be a part of the family right now, but someday...hopefully, he may be able to function again and be helpful to the family. If you shame him and burn all of his bridges back to the family, he will end up lost. Keep in touch with him wherever he is, bring him food, watch over him and make him promise to also keep in touch with you. If he ever disappears for too long that will be bad. Good Luck

 

As mentioned earlier, he is your father, but he is showing absolutely no respect for you, your sister, and her husband. I feel for you. I too have been in a VERY similar situation.

Dont feel bad, you did the right thing. Think about it, what if you had kept it quite, and one day your sisters' kids, or one of her friends' kids decide to pick it up and eat it (trust me, this happens) and kills the kid? Then yes, I would say you would have something to feel bad about.

Good luck. PM Me or email me if you need to talk, vent or ask for anymore advice. Or obviously, you can post here, and I'll keep an eye on this thread.

Sincerly,
Stan

 

money's one thing, but i wouldn't want someone smokin crack in my house...

 

thanks guys for all the advice. i really do appriate it. yea my sister has a 3year old boy and he did watch him while my sister and brother n law worked. im sure he did smoke that crap around him. and if something would have happened like him eating it i would have been tore up. i know hes my dad and all but what i see is he is only out for himself. he sees my sister struggling but he doesnt even care. as long as he has his drugs. theres really nothing else to worry about. im sure this was going on for a while. he pretty much has been locking himself in his room for about the past year. and whats real messed up is i just bought a new f150 and i was being helpful one day and took him to get his paychecks from working. i took him to an apartment complex he said where his check would be. he come back said his check wasnt there. that was the day i caught him doing the drugs. later that night i put it together. i had taken him to a crack house to pic it up. i was totally oblivious at the time. i was furious he begged not to say anything. then the next weekend he has the nerve to tell me that he tried heroin and it almost killed him. i may be 24yrs old but thats not what i want to hear from my dad. he laughs about it. doesnt care at all.

 

Thats a druggy for you. If he doesnt get help he will likely not do well in life, to put it nicely. My cuz has gone through the same thing. He used to be the only one in a house of 5 that didnt smoke cigarrates(sp?) and then just years later he was on drugs. He has overdosed on heroin twice and legally died at least once. Its been a few years since his first overdose and he hasnt gotten any better. He has finally gone back to jail. Has has turned into a stain on society in my eyes and I have no hope for him. He had opportunity out the **** both from support from his parents and his own talents but he is absolutely worthless now. Sad. But because of him and his sister and brother(which have straigtened their lives out now) I have learned what drugs can do.

 

i agree with all the other posts...dont feel guilty...your father made the choices in his life that took him down this path...maybe now that he doesnt have a place to sit around and do nothing perhaps it will shape him up.

Signed,
The Don

 

this has been real helpful thanks everyone

 

I absolutely agree with everyone else. Even though he has chosen (and apparently now can't control) to use drugs and ruin his life, he is still your dad and a granddad and sets an example for you and your sister (believe me, the three year old watches and learns). I believe you have set the best example for your family, including your father. You have said that you know what is morally and criminally right and wrong, and are not afraid to call him on his drug use. In a weird way, he may even respect you for calling him on it. Thanks to you he can no longer hide it from those who love him. In my occupation I have many opportunities to see the drug users and sellers and the end results. I also deal with the kids of these drug users who actually know better, but that way of life is all they are exposed to. Ok, I will jump off my soap box, welcome to adulthood, you did the right thing.

 

Tough love is the best way to go. He's got to do it for himself.

 

great advice