Alright, heres the deal: My Dad (who is a very good person that I Love very much) has a problem with finishing things that really ticks me off. I'll give a few examples: Like 4 years ago I found plans for a shed in a magazine and wanted to build a "clubhouse". I told my dad and he said he would help. We worked on it for a while and then eventually we never worked on it and its still sitting there half finished. I would ask him about it all the time but he would say stuff like "I'm busy" so i just eventually quit asking. Then he bought me an ATV but he said he had to rebuilt the carbuerator before I could ride it. (You guessed it, its just sitting in the barn with a bad carbuerator) Then last November I bought my truck and started to work on it but he wanted to supervize and make sure I don't make any mistakes. I ask him almost everyday if we are ever going to work on it but all he ever says is "I'm busy" or "I have to do paperwork" We have worked on the truck some, but I wanted to be able to drive it when school starts, but it doesnt look like thats going to happen. I understand that he is busy, but he isnt that busy that he doesnt have enough time. He doesnt want to work on it now because "It's Hot" (even though they shop has A/C) The funny part is our neighbor laid some tile in our house and it took him like 2 months to do the kitchen and 2 hall ways and my dad was complaining about our neighbor not getting the job done. The whole time i was thinking to myself "Look at yourself in the mirror" So my question is how do I aproach him to ask him if we are ever going to work on my truck or the ATV besides just constantly asking him about it. I want to tell him that I am dissapointed with him for getting my hopes up for these projects and then letting me down, but i know he will get offended. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad and think he is a great person, but he just keeps letting me down. Sorry for the long post and thanks for listening.

 

I have kind of a similar problem, with my pops. He's always wanting to work on stuff with me, but I'm usually too busy. When I'm free, he's busy. So what I do, is ask him to set a side a weekend day (like Sat or Sun) in advance. I'll let him know like a week or two ahead of time, I also tend to be excited about it. I make comments or ask questions like "Hey pops, what type of oil should I buy?" or "I got a new wrench I wanna try." Things like that show him I'm earnest about getting together, and also make him excited about working on the project too.

We both agree not to be distracted by other things and to work exclusively on the project at hand. Usually works out, seeing as we are both commmitted to making the project.

Good Luck,

-Juan

 

Ask him if it's oK to work on the truck by yourself, or get the tools out prep the truck and then ask him to show you how to do something. My son is 11 and I have to admit that I sometimes do the same thing. What does your dad do for a living? I know that when I come home I want nothing to do with remodling or construction projects around the house because tha is what I have been doing for the last 8-10 hours. It could be stress at work that is causing him to do less at home. would approch him nicely with out any hint of attitude and discuss the issue. Just my $.02

Chris

 

Some people just start things and never seem to get around to finishing. This is not really a bad thing, unless you HAVE to depend on them or you have expectations that you want them to meet. (Or they are your immediate neighbor!) This is just a personality trait. In general, if you put your expectations on other people, you will be disappointed. It's hard, but learn to accept people the way they are. If their behavior or morals are so different from yours, then get some distance in your life from them.

One of my traits is that if I start a project I will always finish it and usually in real good time. They way I learned to not let people with the opposite tendencies bother me was to reduce my expectations of them and just do what I want done myself. You do need to be real good about keeping your responsibilities separate from theirs so you don't end up always doing things that they should be doing.

Never, ever, marry someone who leaves things unfinished if you are the opposite type! But, if your are at least in your late teens, now, you should be able to deal with your father's unfinished business with little difficulty. He's your Dad, you love him, he's a good guy, so you just do things more on your own without depending on him for help.

I bet if he sees you out there working on your truck, he won't be able to resist wandering over to give you some advice!

ps. How old are you?

.

 

He allready said that I could not work on it by myself ( I dont know why, I know how to do most everything that needs to be done to it.) He is self- employed and I don't know exactly what he does, but it involves alot of paper work and time on the computer. His office is at home though.

 

Then that's probably it...
as you get older you'll find that this thing called "life" doesn't come to us...
we have to weave in an out of all the "issues" to avoid the worst problems...
some people are blessedly blind to the real problems and can ignore them and make every thing "hunkey dorrie" all the time... but I'm not one of them...

You have to understand that he has only so many hours a day to get the every increasing To Do list done....

And what's important to him may be the immediate completion of a task...
Someone just sent a neat thing to me that I'll include here...
have seen it before, but it's worth repeating (he says knowing that it probably will get deleted)

THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.

He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down, when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed the area, no children appeared - Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!

He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting...

"What was that all about and who are you?"
"Just what the heck are you doing?"
"That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost me a lot of money.
Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car.
"It's my brother," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat.

He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.

"Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.

Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message "Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us.

It's our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:
If He had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning.
Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

He didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the
tears, and light for the way.

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...
If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

******************************************
My Brick was the terrible choice my 16 year old Son made.

 

Good parable!. It makes you thing about how self absorbed we as a society get.
I always try to get my son in the garage with me because i know years down the road he is going to remember the times we spent there. I may even teach him to be a better father to his son.
I'll bet that if you sit down and talk to your dad, explain to him that you want to work on a project together so you can remember the good times when your in the garage with your kids, he just might set aside a few hours a week for you.
You never know until you try.

 

Good advice above. I'd say DEFINITELY let your dad know how you're feeling about it. Yeah, yeah, guys aren't supposed to reveal their feelings, right? Wrong! That's the problem with us guys is we're so numb to how we feel that we don't see how we make others feel by what we do. Approach it gently and humbly, and it should go well. If he doesn't listen, then mention it to mom to get her assistance.

Keep us updated.

 

Show your Dad there are 168 hours in a week and ask him to please spend at least one hour per week doing something just with you, that you want to do, before you are moved out of the house and will not be around to spend quality time together anymore. Then use your hour to finish the projects.

 

i've got a 15 year old stepson as well as a 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter. my oldest isn't that interested in helping me with most stuff unless it is a computer or game. he want to drive my truck someday but the owners manual and diesel manual are still unopened by him; (my rule is he needs to know the truck before he can drive it). i try to get him to do stuff with me, but i don't ask anymore 'cause i know i'm just going to hear a complaint. i used to beg my dad to let me help him with painting and construction around the house, but i was only good for holding wood when he cut. i hope my younger kids will want to do things with me.
maybe your dad wants you to just go ahead and "do it". be a self starter. But no matter what, never feel that you are the problem. let me tell you, the older you get, the more responsibility you have. i would give my left pinky finger to have my '84 bronco and '68 jeepster back; but i had to sell them to put a roof over our heads. sometimes you have to sacrafice. i agree with the above posts, try to talk to your dad about it. Understand that he might not know he's making you feel like that. Go through your parents old albums (those round black disks made of vinyl) and look for Harry Chapin's song "Cat's in the Cradle". or just download it. keep playing that song around the house and see if he get's the message. don't know the song? here are the words:
http://www.songlyrics.com/song-lyric...le/137469.html
good luck and don't give up

 

I usually leave projects hanging when I'm depressed, overwhelmed by everything, and not feeling physically well. Staying physically and emotionally healthy is almost impossible in todays stressed-out times. Try to help the old man, and Mom too, do not expect them to be able to juggle too many things at once. Try to help them organize the household by priority, and get one thing finished at a time!!!! Keep in mind that each person will have different priorities, and compromises will have to be agreed upon . As each minor crisis is resolved and everyone's load lightens, life, in general, can slowly become happy and productive once again.

 

My dad's like that too, I am somewhat but it starts to get to me after awhile so I eventually finish things. The siding on our house still isn't finished, closet doors not up, trim not on, sheds not fully up, project trucks not running. I'm starting to realize that its just part of life and not to let it bother me too much, because chances are I'll be in the same boat someday.

 

Best way to tell your dad is to print out what you wrote to start this thread and give it to him to read.

 

I just kind of left this thread up on the screen in his office and he read it and came to me and we talked the whole thing over. I felt bad cause he dang near had tears in his eyes and he said he was sorry and he had no Idea he was hurting my feelings. All is good now

 

Hooray for you and your courage to put this thread on your dad's computer. i'm glad your dad was able to talk to you. it takes a real man to be able to do that. i had to learn that on my own. you've got a good dad. he "got the message" and came to you. good luck.