Lawns
#1
05-09-2002, 11:21 AM
Lawns
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and stuff I started long ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the homeowners happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it . . . sometimes even twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. The haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about.....
GOD: Never mind. I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and stuff I started long ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the homeowners happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it . . . sometimes even twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. The haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about.....
GOD: Never mind. I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
#2
05-09-2002, 11:52 AM
Lawns
That was great.http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/ExclamationSmilie.gif
"I Fought the Lawn.... and the Lawn Won"
"I Fought the Lawn.... and the Lawn Won....."
[b][i][font color=red]Dennis[/font][i][b]
[font color=red]Calgary,Alberta,Canada[/font]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Minimorleytruck.JPG
[font color=green]Do You Need To Decode Your 78 Truck Data Plate?
[/font
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/FordTruckCodes.html
[font color=red]If New Ford Parts Is What You're Cravin',
Then Buy Them HERE,At Motorhaven![/font]
[font color=green]Please Feel Free To Visit My Website.[/font]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Mil1ion.html
[font color=red]
Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions,
"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's" [/font]
[font color=blue]78 F-150 429CJ,Silver,Explorer Pkg.
641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang 289-Sunlit Gold 80,892Mi
78-Buick LeSabre 403 4V [/font]
#4
05-09-2002, 01:01 PM
Post Fiend
good one paul! but right now i wish i could see my grass. it's covered under 20.4 cm of wet slushy snow
#7
05-09-2002, 06:41 PM
Tuned
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#10
05-09-2002, 08:14 PM
Lawns
25.4 mm =1"
2.54 cm =1"
1 Metre = 100cm = 1000mm = 39.37"
250 ml(227ml) = cup = 8 imp.oz
1 litre = 32 imp oz.
1 us quart = 32oz
4.54 Litres = 1 Imperial gallon
4 litres = 1 US Gallon
Imperial measure:
1 cup = 8oz
1 pint = 20oz
2 pints = 1qt
8 pints = 1 gallon
160 oz = 1 gallon
The reason I posted this is :
Canada went Metric because the measures are equivalent to US measures and the Our Government could screw most people in Canada.
Now you know the conversion !
[b][i][font color=red]Dennis[/font][i][b]
[font color=red]Calgary,Alberta,Canada[/font]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Minimorleytruck.JPG
[font color=green]Do You Need To Decode Your 78 Truck Data Plate?
[/font
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/FordTruckCodes.html
[font color=red]If New Ford Parts Is What You're Cravin',
Then Buy Them HERE,At Motorhaven![/font]
[font color=green]Please Feel Free To Visit My Website.[/font]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Mil1ion.html
[font color=red]
Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions,
"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's" [/font]
[font color=blue]78 F-150 429CJ,Silver,Explorer Pkg.
641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang 289-Sunlit Gold 80,892Mi
78-Buick LeSabre 403 4V [/font]
2.54 cm =1"
1 Metre = 100cm = 1000mm = 39.37"
250 ml(227ml) = cup = 8 imp.oz
1 litre = 32 imp oz.
1 us quart = 32oz
4.54 Litres = 1 Imperial gallon
4 litres = 1 US Gallon
Imperial measure:
1 cup = 8oz
1 pint = 20oz
2 pints = 1qt
8 pints = 1 gallon
160 oz = 1 gallon
The reason I posted this is :
Canada went Metric because the measures are equivalent to US measures and the Our Government could screw most people in Canada.
Now you know the conversion !
[b][i][font color=red]Dennis[/font][i][b]
[font color=red]Calgary,Alberta,Canada[/font]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Minimorleytruck.JPG
[font color=green]Do You Need To Decode Your 78 Truck Data Plate?
[/font
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/FordTruckCodes.html
[font color=red]If New Ford Parts Is What You're Cravin',
Then Buy Them HERE,At Motorhaven![/font]
[font color=green]Please Feel Free To Visit My Website.[/font]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Mil1ion.html
[font color=red]
Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions,
"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's" [/font]
[font color=blue]78 F-150 429CJ,Silver,Explorer Pkg.
641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang 289-Sunlit Gold 80,892Mi
78-Buick LeSabre 403 4V [/font]
#11
05-09-2002, 08:34 PM
Lawns
I just dragged home 2 used lawn mowers.
A wheel fell off one of them, and the other cuts too short.
I used the short one in the back yard, and discovered some natural fertilizer.
(The lady upstairs owns an English Bull Dog)
From an exercise point of view it works out well!
I was sweating so much I wouldn't have to water the lawn even if it had not rained.... (It's very aerobic!)
But I always cut a lawn at 4 inches. And I don't care if it has low spots. Deep grass feels better around your toes when you walk through it on a hot day.
-It also grows better
A wheel fell off one of them, and the other cuts too short.
I used the short one in the back yard, and discovered some natural fertilizer.
(The lady upstairs owns an English Bull Dog)
From an exercise point of view it works out well!
I was sweating so much I wouldn't have to water the lawn even if it had not rained.... (It's very aerobic!)
But I always cut a lawn at 4 inches. And I don't care if it has low spots. Deep grass feels better around your toes when you walk through it on a hot day.
-It also grows better
#12
05-09-2002, 08:56 PM
Lawns
>natural fertilizer.
>(The lady upstairs owns an English Bull Dog)
>But I always cut a lawn at 4 inches. And I don't care if it
>has low spots. Deep grass feels better around your toes when
>you walk through it on a hot day.
As long as you don't step in the natural fertilizer (aka organic land mines)
#13
05-09-2002, 09:06 PM
Cargo Master
Join Date: Sep 2001
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#14
05-10-2002, 07:47 AM
Lawns
When I received this little piece about lawns, it sure summed up my feelings, so I had to post it for you all. My kids and I cultivate the weeds that show up in our lawn
. Haven't put poison on my lawn in 10 years and it looks just fine. The weeds provide some green in the dry season when the grass turns brown. I find it absurd that people will take water that has been processed to drinking water standards and pour it on their lawn, yet the government says we can't have enough water to flush our toilets!
. Haven't put poison on my lawn in 10 years and it looks just fine. The weeds provide some green in the dry season when the grass turns brown. I find it absurd that people will take water that has been processed to drinking water standards and pour it on their lawn, yet the government says we can't have enough water to flush our toilets!
#15
05-10-2002, 02:22 PM
Lawns
Come to think of it, I brought home some new "Power Toys" today:
One of those weed-wackers that has different attachments you can swap out.
I wanted a weedeater, but I also wanted a hedge trimmer. Now I have both - with a vengeance!
And it's a four cycle engine (No more 2-stroke mix!)
It looks like some kind of a wierd sword from a japanimation movie with the hedge clipper on it too!
"Meesa say, toy box get BIGGA!!!"
>=op
One of those weed-wackers that has different attachments you can swap out.
I wanted a weedeater, but I also wanted a hedge trimmer. Now I have both - with a vengeance!
And it's a four cycle engine (No more 2-stroke mix!)
It looks like some kind of a wierd sword from a japanimation movie with the hedge clipper on it too!
"Meesa say, toy box get BIGGA!!!"
>=op