It seems to me I'm getting a little flakey, I can see it now that I've stepped back from it a bit. And I think I know where it's coming from - too much happening in a short time that feels like a ride on the damnedest roller coaster I have ever seen.

In three months every bet that I ever made on the future will either pay off, or I'll be back to square one again. And I never did want to do it all over again - the future scares the bejesus out of me. I don't handle that very well.

After California, I will probably stay the hell away from the internet for a while. It's best that I do that to allow my world to stabilise before I go back out into the virtual world again, I'm fairly sure I have caused enough trouble for an entire year just in the last 48 hours. And it took me this long to realise that I'm not being myself online...

Carlene was right in an e-mail I got, I'm wacked out. But it isn't from the military, it's from the changes I see in front of me coming real soon. I apologise for being a "punk" (other word substituted) to Wiz, I feel so stupid I don't have words for it all.

I have no idea what I'll do if the bottom drops out and everything I counted on is gone after all these years. That isn't likely, but it is possible so I have to expect it. I can still screw it all up before it's over, and it's driving me nuts when I think about it.

~Wolf

ON EDIT:

I owe it to the WIZ to make a public apology. It's hard to do that, but my honor sense requires it. I will copy this post to the Florida chapter, and hope it isn't deleted.

Originally posted in the Moderators forum

 

Greywolf,

I think I need to point something out to you that you may either not be aware of, or have forgotten.

You are rich. Absolutely LOADED.

. . regardless of any financial issues that may be worrying you.

Obviously I have only been around here a couple of months. But that time has left me absolutely no doubt what so ever that there are more folks than you can count out there that will see to it that you never want for anything . . if you will just make them aware of your needs.

Greywolf, seriously, make no mistake:

I owe you my life AND my freedom.

If there is anything you ever need and do not make me aware of it I'll be pretty upset with you. I am quite confident that there is a large number of people out there that feel exactly the same way.

You have paid faaaaaar ahead, for any kindness that may be repaid to you.

 

I'm still responsible for myself, and whatever I do. I don't have an open license to do whatever I want, and wouldn't want one. I don't like hurting others.

I especially don't like feeling guilty.

 

You are a good man, Greywolf.

I can only express my gratitude that you do not hold the same myopic prespectives as a few of your "fellow" moderators.

They should spend more time talking (?listening?) with you.

Sincerely.

 

Greywolf,
It takes a good man to apologize publically, I admire you for that.

 

Same here, It takes a big man to apologize and mean it. Keep your chin up.