Here are the finalists: Cast your vote. The polls close on12-06-2003 a 12:00 PM E.S.T...............The 2 finalists with the most votes each win a Moen Faucet....................Good LUCK Everyone.....

TheWiz427:
A stock broker, on his way home from work in New York City, comes to a dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself, "Wow, this seems to be much worse than usual."

He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?"

The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband is running around on her more than ever and the Democrats told her to forget about running for president in 2004. So we're taking up a collection for her."

The stock broker asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies "About 14 1/2 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning
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CanadianFordMan:
A man comes home from work, sits down in his favorite chair, turns on the TV, and says to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looks a little puzzled, but brings him a beer.

When hes finished it, he says, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looks a little angry, but brings him a beer. When it's gone, he says, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
That's it!"

She blows her top, "You Jerk! You waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighs and says. "Oh nevermind, it just started.'
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Weirton57:
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you." "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake." "Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like good idea," she answers. There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see this...two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, 'That was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple pass, he says to the old man, "That was something else, you must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?" "No, there's no secret," the old man says, "fifty years ago that fence
wasn't electric."
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Boss358:
George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

“Hello. I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot all the sons of bitches ! .” Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!” George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
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1956MarkII:
A grasshopper walks into a bar and jumps up onto a stool. The bartender turns around, looks and says, "Holy cow! Hey, did you know one of our most popular drinks is named after you?"

The grasshopper looks up at the bartender with a quizzical look and says, "you have a drink named Bruce?"

 

That was some hard voting there. They were all funny

Especially the electric fence one LOL

 

Heh-Heh!
All good ones,but I have to go with the Wiz's H.C. joke.

Good poll!

 

I have a strange sense of humor.. Grasshopper Bruce got my vote.

Theo

 

They were all funny but the one that got me and the wife's vote was the old couple on the fence. Oh man that was hilarious.

 

I was leaning towards the "beer" joke, but there's something about a grasshopper named "Bruce".

I'm still laughing - I'm a sucker for stupid jokes.

XXL

 

two penguins were swimmin in the ocean, one turns to the other and says "hey, could you pass the typewriter?"

 

one day moe and joe were walking down the railroad tracks and moe smelled something and says joe did you ***** your pants, and joe says no, so they keep walking and moe smells something again and says moe are you sure u didnt ***** your pants and joe says no, and moes like alright drop your pants joe, so joe does and theres a pile of ***** in his pants and moes like i thought u said u didnt ***** your pants and moe says i thought u meant today!!

 

Keep those votes coming folks...............

 

I vote the H.C joke
Ive heard the others before and they were all funny
But the H.C one got me the most.

 

If they are still taking donations for Hillary, I have a few gallons to donate. Just make sure Bill is with her.

 

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night
in the White House. The ghost of George Washington appears, and
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."

"Ouch!" says Hillary, "I don't know about that."

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says,
"How can I best serve my country?"

Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."

"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears... Hillary says,
"How can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."

Bluehawk

 

haha I like that BlueHawk

 

wiz gets my vote too....that was a good one

 

Will yall take a write in for BlueHawk? ROFL...

Bluehawk, that was great, oh man ive got tears now.
"I did not have sexual intercourse with that woman" rofl