Have you ever tore your return Bill envelope with the plastic window into 4 pieces by mistake??

 

A Male Elephant walks up to the Nude guy and says,
"How can you Breathe thru that tiny lil thingy?".

 

Possibly knowing the spin on it is the most important thing about everything! Understanding that everything (as we understand it to be) has a spin and a charge of some kind.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/techn...aff89186&ei=14

 

Did you notice the size of the platform changes but not the step up. The guy actually continues to step down, Look at the Knee bend angles. The middle is actually going downhill. Thus, the optical allusion of a continuous Loop. The arm and Leg changes angles in Congruent to each other. Also the tie angles change but still you see the whole front of the figure when he should be sideways going up hill and you should see his back. Basically a left right view of a Photo Negative.

 

Once I knew what I thought I knew, he told me so.
Now I know he didn't know squat about what he told me to know.

 

 

Well I need to get another notebook, the old one has all the stuff scratched off the to do lists.

 

Did you hear what was said after an earthquake?
It happened in the former country of French Somaliland?
"Shake, shake, shake, Djibouti."

 

 

The Guys a college graduate and suffering from constipation, so the Guy goes to his doctor.

Dr. says, prescribed Suppositories with the caution of 2 a day.

A week later the Guy returns to his Dr. & complained that they didn't produce the desired results.

"Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.

"What do you think I've been doing," the grad said, "shoving them up my butt?"

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

My instructor says, "If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country."

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog..... you add one minute to your life ....

This enables you, at 85 years old.... to add an additional 5 months to your stay at assisted living.

Have you ever walked into a room, forgot why your there and did something anyway?

 

The young couple have been to conceive children and decide to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father is he kisses his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," She cuts in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked,
blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch,
and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee
a good one every time, but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll
be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!" she gasps. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," she says.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" she asks.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four
and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" Her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes," the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
I could hardly concentrate and when darkness approached, I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels
began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh.. equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
She fainted.

 

Three strings walk into a bar.​

The bartender says, "NO STRINGS ALLOWED!"
They got kicked out. One string gets an idea and ties himself into a knot. He walks back into the bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender says, "Ok." And comes back with a beer. "Wait, are you a string?"
The string got kicked out.
The second string got an idea, and frayed his ends. He went back into that bar and asked for a beer. The bartender gets the beer, and says, "wait, you are a string."
The string got kicked out.
The third string got a better idea. He tied himself into a knot and frayed his ends. He asked for a beer once inside. The bartender got the beer and asked the string: "wait, are you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

 

 

Guy goes to a pet shop and asks, "how many budgies ya got in stock."
"We have 99" replied the shop owner "I'll buy them," said the Guy, paid for them and left.
He went to a tailor's shop and has 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, puts a budgie in each pocket,
then he goes up the Office Tower and jumps off. He hits the ground with an almighty smack and
lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asks him, "what happened?"
"I don't know," he replies "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping."

 

If a man advances confidently in the direction of his dreams
to live the life he has imagined, he can meet with a success.