Subject: Aviation Time as Expressed by a Control Tower


>
>
>
>
> On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian
> aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
middle.
>
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> One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is
it?"
>
>
> The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
>
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> The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
>
>
> The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If your an American
> Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If your an Air Force plane, it is 1500
hours. If
> your a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If your a Marine Corps aircraft, the
big
> hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. But if your an Army
aircraft,
> it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour!!!".
>
>
>
>
> --------
>




Subject: American In London


An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak something
terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve
himself.

So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was
unzipping, a London police officer showed up.

"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.

"I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta take a leak."

"You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers and manicured hedges. "Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."

The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers.
"Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"

"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."

 

Very Good!

 

lol....good

 

Great stuff, XLT!

XXL

 

Overheard on ATC (Air Traffic Control)

Tower in some airport tells a Cherokee 180 to hold short of a taxi way that a landing DC-8 is about to use. The DC-8 makes a rough landing and rolls out on the taxi way. As it passes in front of the Cherokee 180 one of the pilots says "well ain't that a cute little airplane, did you make it yourself?" Cherokee 180 pilot answers "yes, I made it out of DC-8 parts, another landing like that one and I'll have enough parts for a second one".

A US jet liner lands in a German airport where the ATC people are short tempered and expect you to know how to get around with out instructions. So when the US jet is told to taxi to parking after clearing the active runway it comes to a stop on the taxiway. The ATC guy asks in an attitude "why are you stopping" Pilot responds "were looking up our gate location" German "Have you not been here before?" Pilot "yes twice in 1944 but I didn't stop"

Tyler
95 F-150 302 5 speed
94 F-250 PSD 5 speed

 

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I
clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60,
perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the
passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?!"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That 's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"



WAIT FOR IT............


WAIT FOR IT............



"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."

 

A man is walking down the beach in Southern California and looks up into the sky and says, "Lord, I have tried to be a good man, giving when I could and trying to honor you in my actions. Please grant me one wish?"

The sky clouded up and a loud voice boomed from heaven, "My son, it is true that you have been a good man, giving when you could and honoring me with your actions; I will grant you just one wish. Think hard about it and make the best wish you can."

The man thinks to himself for a few moments and then finally he's got it. "Lord," the man says, "I have made my decision. I want you to make a bridge from California to Hawaii, so that I can drive there on the weekends."

The Lords voice booms, "Perhaps you should think again. Imagine the vast amounts of resources needed; the metal and concrete that will be needed to reach the very bottom of the ocean for supports. Try and think of something that will be a testament to my honor, and will serve as a witness to all of my glory."

Again the man thinks for a few moments . . . Finally he has it. "Lord," the mans says, " I've got it. I want to understand everything about women. I want to know what makes them happy, I want to know what makes the sad. I want to understand why they are silent when angry and why they have such passion for small things that seem to others, insignificant. Lord I want to know everything about women."

The Lord's voice booms, "You want two lanes or four on that highway?"