I certainly hope this doesn't contravene posting rules.

If it does please let me know within half an hour and I will remove them.


For you Hunter's .


A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The
>father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the >field."

A few minutes later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and
>ran back to his son."What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered
across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.

I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.But when
the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, "Should we eat them here or take them with us? Well, I guess I just Panicked."


************************************************** *******************


Stranded on a Desert Island


A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's
not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat."
The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde in a wet suit. She
comes up to the guy and she says, "How long since you've had a
cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket in her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is
that good!"

Then she says, "How long since you've had a drink of whiskey!"

He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping the long zipper that runs right down the front of her wet suit and says: "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

He says, "My God! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there ?"

************************************************** ******************

And this was from Michelle's girlfriend .

Now for you Father's with Daughter's



> >RULES OF DATING MY DAUGHTER
> >
> > Rule One:
> > If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better
> > be delivering a package -- because you're sure not
> > picking anything up.
> >
> > Rule Two:
> > You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may
> > glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything
> > below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands
> > off my daughter's body, I will remove them.
> >
> > Rule Three:
> > I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys
> > your age to wear their trousers so loose that they
> > appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't
> > take this as an insult, but you and all of your
> > friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
> > and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this
> > compromise: You may come to the door with your
> > underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,
> > and I will not object. However, in order to ensure
> > that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during
> > the course of your date with my daughter, I will take
> > my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers
> > securely in place.
> >
> > Rule Four:
> > I'm sure you've been told that in today's world,
> > having sex without using a "barrier method" of some
> > kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to
> > sex with my daughter, I am the barrier and I am the
> > one who will do the killing.
> >
> > Rule Five:
> > It is generally understood that in order for us to
> > get to know each other, we should talk about sports,
> > politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not
> > do this. The only information I require from you is
> > an indication of when you expect to have my daughter
> > safely back at my house, and the only answer I need
> > from you on this subject is "Early."
> >
> > Rule Six:
> > I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow with
> > many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine
> > with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
> > Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
> > girl, you will continue to date no one but her until
> > she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will
> > make you cry.
> >
> > Rule Seven:
> > As you stand in my front hallway waiting for my
> > daughter to appear, even if more than an hour goes
> > by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time
> > for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
> > is putting on her makeup, a process than can take
> > longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead
> > of just standing there, why don't you do something
> > useful like changing the oil in my car?
> >
> > Rule Eight:
> > The following locations are not appropriate for a
> > date with my daughter: Places where there are beds,
> > sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
> > where there is darkness. Places where there is
> > dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where
> > the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my
> > daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts
> > or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a
> > goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with
> > strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided;
> > movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games
> > are okay. Old folks' homes are better.
> >
> > Rule Nine:
> > Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied,
> > balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on
> > issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,
> > merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where
> > you are going and with whom, you have one chance to
> > tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but
> > the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
> > behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
> >
> > Rule Ten:
> > Be afraid. Be very afraid. The voices in my head
> > frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for
> > you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull
> > into the driveway you should exit the car with both
> > hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
> > announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
> > daughter home safely and early, then return to your
> > car. There is no need for you to come inside. The
> > camouflaged face at the window is mine.
> >


[b][i][font color=red]Dennis[/font][i][b]

[font color=red]Calgary,Alberta,Canada[/font]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Minimorleytruck.JPG

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Then Buy Them HERE,At Motorhaven!

[/font]


http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Mil1ion.html

[font color =red] Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions,
"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's" [/font]


[font color=blue]78 F-150 429CJ,Silver,Explorer Pkg.
641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang 289-Sunlit Gold 80,892Mi
78-Buick LeSabre 403 4V
84 Volvo DL Wagon [/font]

 

"if you make her cry, I will make you cry" That's a good one I'm going to use it!

 

i like the dating rules.

 

Utt ohh, I better be careful...I think my girls parents may be watching me..

 

Yeah, prom is coming up and I've still got to ask her. I hope her parents are cool. When I picked the last girl for our last dance(at her friend's house(we doubled)) her dad wasn't there because, as her mother explained "he's not allowed". Wonder what that means?

 

As my wife told our daughters date while sitting on the couch, Don't worry about her dad, worry about me.
I would rather have God mad at me than my wife.

 

Dennis, I just emailed that to my uncle. He has a 16 year old daughter

dj

 

Well Then DJ ,
You better send him this Letter Application too !




Application For Permission
To Date My Daughter

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your physician.

Name:________________________ Date of Birth:_________________
Height:_________ Weight:__________ IQ:_________ GPA:__________
Social Security #:___________ Driver's License #: Number:_______
Boy Scout Rank:_________________ Telephone:___________________
Home Address:__________________________________________ ____
City:__________________________ State:__________ Zip:___________

1. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____
If "No", explain:


2. Number of years your parents have been married: ____
Any brothers or sisters? ____
Are they normal? ____

3. Do you own or have access to a van? ____
A truck with oversize tires? ____
A waterbed? ____

4. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____
5. Do you have a tattoo? ____

If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue
application and leave immediately.


6. In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you?



7. In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter
mean to you?



8. In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you?



9. In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?



10. Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________
How often do you attend: ____________________________


11. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father
and priest/rabbi?__________________________

12. Please fill in the blanks:

a. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want
wounded would be my ____________________________


b. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would
be my_____________________________

c. A woman's place is in the ____________________________


d. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is
______________________________

e. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her
first is______________________________

Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave
premises--keeping your head low and running in a serpentine
fashion is advised.


13. What do you want to be if you grow up?



I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of
my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment,
torture or mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________
Signature of father _____________________________________
Signature of mother ____________________________________
Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________
Signature of State Representative _________________________


Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual.
Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in
writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't
call me, I'll call you.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




[b][i][font color=red]Dennis[/font][i][b]

[font color=red]Calgary,Alberta,Canada[/font]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Minimorleytruck.JPG

Need to decode your 78 Truck data plate? click here

http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/FordTruckCodes.html

[font color=red]If New Ford Parts Is What You're Cravin',
Then Buy Them HERE,At Motorhaven!

[/font]

Feel free to visit my website.

http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Mil1ion.html

[font color =red] Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions,
"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's" [/font]


[font color=blue]78 F-150 429CJ,Silver,Explorer Pkg.
641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang 289-Sunlit Gold 80,892Mi
78-Buick LeSabre 403 4V
84 Volvo DL Wagon [/font]

 

Dennis, I sent that one to him also. Boy am I glad I have boys.

I haven't heard from him yet to see if he liked them, I'll let you know. Thanks again.

dj

 

lol, thoe dating rules are good. I just hope i don't get anything like that when i go to pick up my date for prom on the 27

82' Flareside with 400 horse under the hood