Which one of these oil changes sounds like yours?



Oil Change Instructions For Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. Five minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
Oil Change- $20.00
Coffee-$1.00
Total-$21.00


Oil Change Instructions For Men:

1. Go to auto parts store and pay $50 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to Auto Zone to recycle it, dump it in a hole in the backyard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack up car. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16" box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil and get hot oil on you in the process.
12. Clean up mess.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up and poke a hole in oil filter with a screwdriver and twist off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up. Finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day drag pan full of old oilout fron under car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during Step 18.
20. Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to beer store to buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from Step 11?
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Discover that the drain plug is buried in a hole in the backyard along with used oil.
27. Drink beer.
28. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29. Discover that the first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30. Drink beer.
31. Slip when tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to Step 31.
33. Begin cussing fit.
34. Throw wrench.
35. Cuss for an additional 10 minutes because the oily wrench hit Miss December (1992) and covered her in oil.
36. Beer.
37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage to stop the blood flow.
38. Beer.
39. Beer.
40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41. Beer
42. Lower car from jack stands.
43. Accidently crush one of the jack stands.
44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled in Step 23.
45. Beer.
46. Test drive car.
47. Get pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence.
48. Car gets impounded.
49. Make bail.
50. Get car from impound lot.

Money Spent:
Parts-$50.00
DUI-$2,500.00
Impound Fee-$75.00
Bail-$1,500.00
Beer-$40.00
Total-$4,165.00--But at least you know the job was done right.

 

Where could you have possibly found a Jiffy Lube for a $20 oil change? Last time I went to Jiffy Lube they wanted $37 and I supplied the oil. That didnt happen.

 

You hit the nail on the head, there, plowdude.

It costs almost as much as bagging that deer, huh?

 

But think of the fun and memories you had doing the oil change. Not to mention the bragging rights because you do your own vehicle maintenence! Besides, knowing that no one else "messed' with you pride and joy has a price!

 

WOW! You must be a slow learner. I cost me $10 ($4 for oil and $6 for a fram filter)and 20 minutes to change the oil on my 99 Ranger 2.5 Sport Or $13.00 and 10 minutes on my 78 F-150 4X4 460 because I dont need no stinking jack to work on it. HEHE LOL

 

Hmm that one is cute but I am female and I do my oil changes all of the time. I did take my old car to the jiffy lube and I think I got the lube instead This is how it goes for me:
1.Drive the Explorer to the store/post office to get stuff to fix dinner and get the mail.
2.Return home pull the Explorer into the garage check tranny fluid level then shut off engine.
3.Get groceries out & go into the house.
4.Start dinner & change clothes.
5.Remember that kid needs to be picked up.
6.Go get kid from school.
7.Return home yell at kid to get homework done.
8.Check dinner.
9.Go into garage and put oil pan under Explorer.
10.Kid comes out "Mom I forgot my homework at school" return to school.
11.Bit** at kid for forgetting homework at school
12.Scream at kid to get homework done.
13.Return to garage, remember dinner
14.Race into smoke filled house and get extinguisher.
15.Extinguish dinner & call local pizza place.
16.Open windows to air out house.
17.Go back into garage, get plastic gloves out, place them on hands.
18.Unscrew drain plug.
19.Get oil filter wrench.
20.Kid returns to garage "Mom I can't find my pencil."
21.Tell kid where to go...to get the pencil.
22.Struggle with oil filter (turning it the wrong way).
23.Remember Lefty is loosie and not tighty.
24.Begin speaking a foriegn language.
25.Remove oil filter.
26.Walk down to get pizza & soda.
27.Get ride home from "nice man at the store".
28.Let "nice man" finish oil change.
29.Give "nice man" a piece... of PIZZA.
30.Mention to "nice man" husband is a weight lifter who can bench 400lbs.
31.Thank "nice man" for the help as he finds coat quickly to leave before "hubby" returns from work.
32.Hop in shower and take nice hot shower before hubby (not really a weight lifter) returns home.

 

i wonder about it sometimes myself. Good thing the beer isn't a problem.

 

I'd have to say I do the first one... don't have anywhere to dispose of the oil around here without driving to town or dumping (not an option for me).

But I do more than enough work on this thing to make up for it!

 

My 6.0 I do, all others......paid for

 

LOL, that sounds like almost every sunday afternoon playing with my toys hahahaha

-bigdawg

 

I've been changing my oil for years with no problem. One of the benefits to being obsessive-compulsive is that I re-check my work several times!

 

i have the same problem mike i always make sure i put oil in about 4 times just to make sure im not hallucinating. i usually dump my oil in old 5 gallon mystic containers until all 4 are filled up then i take em to the reycle place, id rather dump it on the ground but dont want folks around my place to see me and complain im killing the ground. one good way to do your oil change is stop on the highway with your oil and oil filter and tools, then drain the oil right there on the side of the road then put a new filter on throw old oil filter into ditch fill her up with oil and drive away at a high rate of speed. no mess no hassle oil change. i actually saw a dude do this once and thought it was hilarous.

 

lol, did he have ramps of anything?

 

what do you mean? it was a truck so he didnt need ramps.

 

oh, nevermind. I was thinking it was car or somethin.