Im hurtin'!
 

Well....I broke it off with my first true love last night.

I want a gf and she didnt want a bf, but told me she would be worth the wait. She told me she was in love with me. I have never waited for a girl, and I waited for her for 5 months. I couldnt do it anymore, and told her when she figures out what she wants then to let me know, and hopefully I will be avaliable. Things have changed now between us. I honestly dont think she loves me as much as she THINKS she does, or says she does. Oh well....

This is the crappiest feeling ever.

GRRRRR...damn drama!

There will be 100 more girls, I promise. :)

For what it's worth, it sounds like you did the right thing.

The first end of a relationship a guy goes through does hurt. Hang in there. It may be a while, but things will get better.

Girls are like busses, if you miss one another will be along soon. Wondering what could have been is a waste of perfectly good time that could be better used working on what will be (Hillbilly philosophy).
Dono

First love I had was seventeen, and I was younger,
Love to us was some kind of game.
In all my letters, said I never would forget her - now,
I can't recall her name.

The first time I was a fool, I never knew that love could be so cruel.
It happened to me again - Third time lucky.

---Foghat


Ok, so it took a few longer than 3 for me, but that's beside the point...there's lots of girls out there, and you're doing the right thing by saying goodbye to a thing that's not working out, and none too soon!

When Dono met his future wife there was only ONE bus :)

Well something else happened tonight that drastically changed things....
Unfortunatly since this is a family site, I cant say.

Just imagin the worst and there ya go.................

Unfortunately, I think we all have a little different definition of "the worst." In my book, if someone isn't dead or dying, we're not there yet- everything else is workable.

using my imagination I think I can figure it out, now add bieng married to them for 7 years when something like that happens, and tell me how you feel.

Light bulb just flicked on. ding ding ding- we have a winner!

Wezol5484, don't worry about her man, she ain't worth your time. Just like the other guys are telling you, there are a lot more fish in the sea.

I thought about getting back out on the dating scene again, then I thought about how it sucks not to have any money in my pocket.

- Chris

I dont know what to do. Ive always been a firm believer that most everything can be fixed, if both people want to bad enough.

Everytime I think about her with him doing that, I want to throw up. :-X18

I had a long talk with her last night, basically consisted of me tearing her a new one. Without cussing or yelling, just stern "lecturing". :mad:

I told her how ashamed and disgusted I was, and how much it dissapoints me that she led me to think she was someone shes not.

Ive defended her left and right, because I thought I knew her. I broke my hand over a guys face because he called her a slut (I walked away, he pushed me, I turned, he swung, I sidestepped, I swung). :mad:

I dont know what to do.

I will be going home from college tonight, to see her and talk to her. Also to get my spare key and remote that she has to my truck. (dont ask)

Im just so disgusted. What ever happened to girls who have morals and dignity?

WHERE ARE YOU!!! :-fire :-X16

Dude, don't waste your time talking. Just get your stuff and leave. You're not going to change her, and forgive me, but you're just trying to have the last word because you're hurt. Been there, done that. It doesn't help.

Just walk out quietly, with your head high, dignity intact. If she has a decent molecule in her body, she'll get it. If she doesn't, you won't waste your time.

The best revenge is living well.

Hey mang, that sucks. Don't worry about it though.

The single life is awesome! You can go to any party you want and flirt with any girl you want. You're a free man when you're single. :D

I think you just discovered reason number (scratches head, trying to remember) about five I think, never to confuse love with emotional dependancy.

Whatever you do, don't devalue your own worth over it. You don't need her anyway...

I think a lot of relations start out wrong over a basic perception problem. People look for one of three things: A partner, a slave, or a master.

If you percieve yourself as having to slave to maintain a relationship - you ain't the master.

If on the other hand you knowingly put yourself in the reverse role - it is just as bad.

The ideal relation is a partnership. I reiterate: It is the "IDEAL". As in "Goal to be Attained".

Anything else just doesn't seem to work very well in the long run. You have to both want the same thing(s).

That hasn't happened for you yet, apparently.
Don't sweat it, you don't want to force yourself into a bad deal.

You'll know the right one when she shows up - you'll be best friends!

I like that about the buses. Me and my first both cuaght the first bus and rode it for four years until she dicided that she wanted the second and the third and fourth. Me I played with all the buses for seven years after and finally cuaght the second and been on it for 13 years and even have 2 extra passengers and one
on the way. So as everyone else is saying, play with the bus and the right one will eventually come. Only the good eye thinks its the end, not your mind, i hope.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

- Chris

Some say "First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me" but that also becomes emotional. I think you need to just disconnect, and distance yourself a bit for a while. USE YOUR HEAD, but don't roll with anything. Just give it time to settle.

There are times when apathy is a blessing in disguise...

But be objective, and don't forget anything.

ONEDIT: BOLDLY put, I'm looking for a way to delicately say: "Brother- Don't do anything stupid!"

UNUM: She did not commit to you, she is playing around.
SECUNDUS: You wanted it to be far more serious than she evidently did.
TERTIUS: There is a loyalty issue. You expect loyalty, don't you?
What happens if she wants you again suddenly? Will you let it happen twice? Even if nothing like that happens, is the trust between you compromised?

Be honest...
(No response required or expected)

Yea I do want loyalty, and trust. She has lost my trust, but if she wants it back bad enough she can earn it.

I kinda lost my head in that last post. She ISNT a girl to sleep around with a bunch of different guys...this I know. I have asked around from unbiased sorces when I first met her. It was a mistake that she made, and she knows it. What I think is that she got caught up in the moment, she made him stop and she went home (this is when she called me bawling her eyes out but wouldnt tell me why).

She was my best friend. When we were together and hanging out, we could BS together like best friends and think nothing of it. Its being apart that kills us.

Now I know that some of you will bring up "if she were your best friend then she wouldnt of done that to you"....yea....I know. And I will bring this up tonight.

Im basically going to go in there and put my foot down.

The ONLY way I will keep going on with this is if
1-She calls that guy and tells him that she cannot see him anymore, and no longer talk to him. (In front of me)
2-I will tell her that she can tell me she loves and all that jazz, and that she "needs me" (her words) but I will not believe a word of it. She will have to show me.

If she wont agree to those then I will get up and walk out that door saying nothing more.

I know there is a flaw with number one, cause she could easily just call him back up and tell him that she "had to do it, but didnt mean it". I will keep that in mind.

I am willing to work through this, and keep dating her, but at the same time I will look for other busses. The difference with me is that IF I find that girl that I want to take that extra step with (like she took with that guy) I will break it off with her FIRST.

Deep down this girl really is a good girl, I have always felt it in my gut. And my gut has never been wrong. I felt something like this happening in my gut. I kept saying "I knew it I knew it I knew it" and she was like "what are you talking about".

We will either start dating agian when she regains my trust, or I will walk out that door.

Is she a friend, or not?

INTERROGATIVE????

Define the relationship

Is it worth it, or are there other possibilities..

(This is a deliberate plant)

Put all her stuff in bags, drop off at her house, get a dog (4 legged kind), go fishing.

A big part of life is love and loss. Unfortunately it hurts like hell (no matter how old or how young you are). Fortunately it teaches you, it makes you stronger, and it gives you an understanding of what you are really looking for in a relationship. You've already figured out that you want a loyal love with morals and dignity. See how much you have learned already.

So next time you will be more cognizant of a girl's character and make a choice to love her for the what she is instead of what you want her to be. If she doesn't display the characteristics that you are looking for then have fun and then move on.

About six years ago I thought I was in love. I was dating the trophy girl. She was the one that everyone wanted and I had her to myself. We moved in together and things started to go south. She was enjoying all the attention that she was getting from a lot of other guys and decided that she didn't want o be tied down. After screwing me financially she moved to California and I was hurt for some time. She turned out to be the most self centered, selfish, immoral person I could have ended up with. After her I bounced around from girl to girl and left before I could get hurt again. About two years later I decided that if I never forgave her that I would never move on and be able to give my heart to someone else. So I called her. She was so excited to hear from me. She started talking about how sorry she was for everything and that leaving me was a mistake. She wanted to come visit me. It fealt good to hear, but I told her that wasn't the reason I had called. She asked why I had called then. I told her that I called to forgive her. I think I heard her heart break when I said that the only way I could ever forget her is if I stopped hating her. I never spoke to her again after that, but two weeks later I met a girl and I was able to give my heart to her. We just got married in May and we've been together for almost 4 years now. My wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn't change a thing. Its the hard lessons that prepared me to recognize the incredible woman that my wife really is.

Forgive my rant. Just understand that this girl that you are hurting over so badly now is beneath you. Learn from her and move on because there is someone that will make you forget about her and show what it truely means to be loved.

I dont know if Im in the mental position to decipher that :-X03

There are always other possibilities. What she shows me tonight will be what makes or breaks this relationship.

Interrogative???....?
How should I define the relationship?


As for getting a 4 legged creature to go fishing....well I just might do that.

Worked for me! In fact, the first date my current wife and I went on was fishing. She baits her own hook, too (how good is that!)

Lots of good advice in here, you should take it. You are the only one who knows all of the angles to your relationship; but I would advise that going back is a mistake. I made the same mistake once, a long time ago. I can tell you from experience that the second round will crush you far worse than what you're experiencing now. Move on, learn from this episode, and undertsand that integrity defines people. She doesn't have it, and probably never will; keep yours.

Well, its time for an update if anyone is interested.

Ill spare the details (if you wanna know, tell me)

To make along story short.

I got there and we drove around trying to talk, maybe get some closure. It wasnt going in a direction I liked, things were said that didnt help her case. I told her to take me back to my truck. Told her goodbye and left.

Im done with her. I dont deserve to be treated like crap and I can do much better. Maybe not in the looks department (shes really hot), but deffenitly can find a girl that will treat me right.

Thanks everyone.

Good on you- there are other out there. I'll chime in with the other Ernie (GreenSubmarine) on second go-arounds. Works great with pizzas, generally sux with relationships. I recall making that mistake once myself. :rolleyes:

originally posted in the club fte jokes thread.....

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said "No."

And the guy lived happily ever after and went hunting a lot.
THE END

All I have to say is be glad you figured this out before you were married to her,and were doing the family thing...I speak from experience,here. It would have been cheaper to keep her,that is for sure,but I just couldn't be gone away from home without wondering what she was doing in the very house I was buying for her(which I am buying for myself now). anyhow,not trying to discourage you,but you do have to be careful if you are looking for a lifetime mate. I gave it a shot,didn't work out,and now I do what the joke I posted says,and take my 2 boys and daugther with me every chance I get!! :-X22

Like the song say's " Some of Gods greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers"

Its funny now, cause I almost feel like Im over her. Everytime I start to feel bad for leaving, I just think of what she did to me, and how she treated me and always put me down. She is actually making it easier to get over her. I still feel like crap, but I know Ill get over it.

This is a walk in the park compared to what alot of people have been through, they are still alive and kicking (Im assuming), and so will I.

Ill post an update, Ive got a gut feeling that this isnt over yet.

Hang in there. . Happened to me too. 4 years in, planning a wedding I found out. We tried to work it out, but the trust was gone. and that is the HARDEST thing to build back up. Not matter what you try to think, you'll always be wondering .. always..

But it gets better. I got the deposits on the reception hall back, sold the ring and had a good time. I dont regret letting go. Eventually you wont either..

Hang in there..

B

No matter what anyone tells you on this board, you will do what is natural for most. You'll hang on to it until the bitter end. You'll try to rationalize every aspect of the relationship and make yourself feel better. Soon it will be over and you'll feel better about it. I hate to say it, but regardless of what she is telling you, it sounds like she isn't into you anymore. She sounds a lot like my ex from a few years ago.

Well so far it hanst been completely over.

I went home last night to go eat with some friends of mine and she found out that I was in town. She called and I answered (bad habit I guess). We got into it agian and she hung up on me.

I went back to Stephenville late late last night. I decided to be nice to her, when I let her down. There were a series of texts this morning that I initiated that went as so...

Me-"Your an amazing person ***. Unfortunatly I just had bad timing. It wont be too long and you'll be over me. I love you, Dylan."

Her-"Im comming to see you after work"

Me-"Im back in Stephenville, why do you want to come see me"

Her-"Sounds like your still hostile"

Me-"no"

Her-"Nevermind then. Dont worry I wont see you"

Later on this morning she sent

her-"So...."

Me-"Move on ***"

Her-"Fine, I guess you dont want me that bad"

Me-"We want two different things. Its not going towork. Maybe one day, but not now."

That was the last thing I sent. She has since called me 5 times in the 10 minutes or so. I dont think she believed me when I said I drove back late last night. She left a voice message saying "Driving from ******* house to yours, just wanting to know if Im wasting gas or not"

I sent her a text saying "Yes, you are.

Its so hard not to answer, hell all of this is so incredibly hard. Its hard to hurt a person you love. I know this is hurting her, and it hurts me even more to do that to her.

You are FREE, at least for a while. This girl is obviously no good for you. If you were in her shoes and she yours then what? Yeah Love Stinks, actually Lust Stinks, Love is good, when you find a real friend then you'll understand, until then sample all the fish in the ocean!

I had this to happen to me, but it was my bride of only a year, not a GF. We even seperated, then moved back in together trying to make it work. As a 24 year old back then, I loved my 19 year old wife more than my own life. But I could not get that violation of our vowed marital trust , out of my head. If she was just twenty minutes late getting home from work, or if the phone rang and the caller just hung up on me, I would re-live the nightmare of her confession of infidelity. So we divorced, and moved on with life..


As said before already, you will try to rationalize this in a thousand ways, you will even feel guilty at times, even though you were not the one guilty. You will wonder what you may have done wrong and what you could have done to head off such a violation in your relationship. I grieved for way to many years for the loss of my loved one. Finally I only started to live again, when I came to the realization that, regardless of how much we may love someone, that does not make it a guarantee they will love you back as deep. ....

You will grow past this, but for now you will have to allow yourself to feel the pain, it is a growing experience necessary in the maturity process. It is a miserable pain in your chest that no one can take away or give you a pill for, but one that you will survive, and learn from. good luck and best wishes to you. jmo

Some real good advice here I kinda hate put in my two cents as it isn't eloquent. (how did I do on spelling?) Was married 11 years,two kids - found out she was runnin around. she swore she ended it - I took her back. this happened two more times(with different guys) over three years before I finally came around and got the heck away from her. It does hurt bad to discover you didn't really know someone that close to you. In my book, if it happens once it's just a preview of things to come- be through with her. Cheaters are like the dog you love that you find in the hen house - don't matter what you do, they'll go back and do it again. Oh ...p.s. - don't shoot her! that would um... not be good!( needed some clarification on the "dog in the hen house analogy)

RHW: There's eloquence which can be pretty prose but insensible, and there's good common sense, which is by nature eloquent. You hit the nail on the head about this being a preview of any future (and the spelling was fine too!). ;)

So, anything new?

The main thing to keep in mind is that a relationship should cost a person something. This is a sure way to tell.

From experience, I don't get involved with those for whom I don't "cost" anything. A person who really loves you will make an investment and pay the price. If they don't, they don't belong in your life, as simple as that.
You get to realize this after you fall down a few times. Don't waste your time on immature people.

Turn and don't look back
 

Sounds like you did the right thing by letting go. This sounds like a pretty common type of girl who usually has the guys buzzing around all the time.

At least one of the guys is the "buddy", the one they want for emotional backup and ego maintenance. They tell you anything to maintain that and you might think you're the one, but she always saves the fun for the "bad boy".

I've seen this type before, you are only valuable when she's ticked off at Mr Bad and uses you for leverage. She'll find another nice guy to hang around her and keep her self-esteem up, meanwhile you know who's getting the real action.

Let her go and don't look back, and quit answering the phone. It only feeds her ego.