RESOLVED

For anyone else that comes across this or a similar issue, here is more detail.

I checked/swapped all relays related to wipers with same type relays related to other things. No change. So I knew it had to be the wiper switch. Furthermore, when hooked up to a Ford specific OBD II scanner, indeed, it showed an issue for the Multifunction Switch.

Replaced the switch in the steering column using these steps:
Lost the turn signals, how to replace multifunction switch - Ford Expedition Forum

...resolved the issue. Cheapest I found was around $90 online. Dealer cost was around $130. Part Number for my rig: SW5548

Either way, its a stupid rip off and a stupid thing to have go bad that should in theory never go bad. After all, there is usually a cause and effect when parts go bad. Such as water leak causes short. But no... this part failed without cause. Awesome. Of course, there is no aftermarket part for something this specific, so I expcet another failure without cause at some point.