Only a decade? That wouldn't even cover my estranged wife's "reign of error". -Whom I saw today sitting in her clunker with a back wheel off of it behind the place I am not supposed to know her dope-head boyfriend works at.

I can predict how it will go. That New Yorker she bought when she claimed there was no money for me to buy a CJ7 off a guy for $750.oo is going to finally be destroyed by friends of hers that cannot remember how the brakes go back together...

Meanwhile my Ranger is gradually becoming better than new while I car-pool with a guy I work with to my new job/career.

Is this negative thinking? No. Some people exist purely to serve as examples of how not to live. The wife is one - I don't think she has ever had to file her own income tax in her entire life. She is not self supporting. In fact, I'm pretty sure she's been a prescription junkie for years if not a full blown closet druggie. Low and behold - when I got out of the navy I suddenly was allowed to know she smokes pot. Gee, what a suprise...

I find it odd that anyone should work so hard to avoid working, and settle for such a lame lifestyle.

But one thing I figured out some time ago - She can bring herself down, but not me. Only if I let her can she drag me down, I would have to choose it. I don't!

The one thing I decided I wanted the most was to get myself back. That's what I choose...

And for me that meant boot her out, clean up my place, prove I can survive on retirement, clean up my own act, get a job, and build up my own reputation and self image. I've even started working out again, and I no longer drink. I'm surrounded by very good friends and doing what I was meant to do....

Like a Pheonix out of the ashes, and I will not let myself get burned again.

-If you've wondered what has been going on with me, and at times why I've seemed kind of wierd or like I'm going through phases or something, it's because I have been dealing with changes ever since I came home two years ago. Sometimes not very well...

But it does get better. Once in a while I remind myself: "START. The rest will take care of itself..."

So far it's workin'.

This is not one of those "Power of Positive Thinking" sermons either - I never liked people who spouted that crap. All I've done is pick a direction. I can waste all the time I want to, and I have. I worry a lot, and telling myself not to just doesn't work. SO - since I figured I'd worry anyway I just got on with things, one thing after another. Ya know what? Everything I get done is one thing less that I worry about.

Big suprise. Not exactly a revelation. Yippee ky aye. But like I said -

So far it's workin'...





~Dutch