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Well, dunno if its bad. . .could be good depending on who you are or how you look at it
I asked a mod for some advice on what to do leadership wise, but I will spare you a load of boredom and skip over the details (haven't heard back from him yet). Pretty much I'm dealing with a "depressing" personal problem Last 3-4 weeks have shown some improvment, but of course involvement in the chapter has wained. . .Been reading alot of self-help stuff. . .I dunno, you have to read it to get and how its suppossed to work (and why), basically I'm trying to keep my mind off certain things by filling them with other things that give some feeling of acomplishment, etc, blah blah. The Chapter hasn't fit in too well right now for planning meetings and events (I had preliminary plans for some big things this summer), they are/have been a source of anxiety which is usually enough to set me off, and a big part of the self-help shtuff is limiting those sources of anxiety (remember my little nervous breakdown last October?). Of course this is something I should have done years ago. . .
Anyways, I'm still going to be around posting, probably more so now that I have gotten this off my chest, but for the next couple a months I'm probably going to be kinda a crappy CL Don't really know how else to explain this or what else to say. Being the responcible Chapter leader I am ( ) I would feel guilty just fading out for a time. I just want to let you guys know whats going on, and I want to know what if anything you guys want to do about it, ie. If you feel the Chapter could use another Cl right now to keep the ball rolling thats cool with me. If anyone wants to step up for the time being thats cool too. . .or if you just don't care, thats fine (however disapointing) , or something else?. . .I'm hoping to hear from F2504x4 as well for some advice cause I sure as hell don't know what to do
I'm not going away, just chilling out and laying back some for awhile
Thanks To many So many years in an up and down cycle but this time I want to try and keep my self floating so to speak, hard though lol.
A vaction of some sort is definately in the works! I don't care where, just need to get the heck out of Hampton Roads!! Maybe a camping trip. . .Shoot any small town in the middle of no where would soot me
Hmmm. . .been doing some reading of my own as well. Trying to rekindle interest in things that made me feel good, taken me off the net and my truck lol. Getting things ready for setting my reef tank up again. . .you can lose yourself just watching it and tending to it, like a Zen garden
I wish it was just that easy Wolf, I'm trying to change a decades worth of. . .as my shrink called it. . . negative thinking
Only a decade? That wouldn't even cover my estranged wife's "reign of error". -Whom I saw today sitting in her clunker with a back wheel off of it behind the place I am not supposed to know her dope-head boyfriend works at.
I can predict how it will go. That New Yorker she bought when she claimed there was no money for me to buy a CJ7 off a guy for $750.oo is going to finally be destroyed by friends of hers that cannot remember how the brakes go back together...
Meanwhile my Ranger is gradually becoming better than new while I car-pool with a guy I work with to my new job/career.
Is this negative thinking? No. Some people exist purely to serve as examples of how not to live. The wife is one - I don't think she has ever had to file her own income tax in her entire life. She is not self supporting. In fact, I'm pretty sure she's been a prescription junkie for years if not a full blown closet druggie. Low and behold - when I got out of the navy I suddenly was allowed to know she smokes pot. Gee, what a suprise...
I find it odd that anyone should work so hard to avoid working, and settle for such a lame lifestyle.
But one thing I figured out some time ago - She can bring herself down, but not me. Only if I let her can she drag me down, I would have to choose it. I don't!
The one thing I decided I wanted the most was to get myself back. That's what I choose...
And for me that meant boot her out, clean up my place, prove I can survive on retirement, clean up my own act, get a job, and build up my own reputation and self image. I've even started working out again, and I no longer drink. I'm surrounded by very good friends and doing what I was meant to do....
Like a Pheonix out of the ashes, and I will not let myself get burned again.
-If you've wondered what has been going on with me, and at times why I've seemed kind of wierd or like I'm going through phases or something, it's because I have been dealing with changes ever since I came home two years ago. Sometimes not very well...
But it does get better. Once in a while I remind myself: "START. The rest will take care of itself..."
So far it's workin'.
This is not one of those "Power of Positive Thinking" sermons either - I never liked people who spouted that crap. All I've done is pick a direction. I can waste all the time I want to, and I have. I worry a lot, and telling myself not to just doesn't work. SO - since I figured I'd worry anyway I just got on with things, one thing after another. Ya know what? Everything I get done is one thing less that I worry about.
Big suprise. Not exactly a revelation. Yippee ky aye. But like I said -
Yes, ONLY a decade I'm 22, the last 10 or so years of my life are just wasted. . .not a whole lot to look back on and remember the good times to find hope for the future. . .
Don't knock positive thinking, it works if you can keep yourself busy enough to keep your mind focused off of other things Though, it never lasts any longer than said project or task. . .
I worry as well, a lot. . .about lifes regular problems, which do eventually come to conclusion either good or bad. Though I tend to dwell for months on the bad ones. . .and then theres the stuff I worry about thats never happened and probably never will happen, stuff I just kind of make up and it spirals downwards out of control lol. Go figure that one out
Though, I always liked reading your posts. . .they're kind of inspiring if you will. You know, your always seeming to try and make it better no matter what. Just, how do you do it? Where does that drive come from to keep going?
First of all you got to realise that I am not the man I grew up to be.
Once upon a time there was a little boy who was fascinated by all kinds of things. Some of the other kids did bad stuff to him and by him, so that he didn't think a whole lot of other kids at all. And his folks were just plain... Well, GROWN UPS! So they were strange folk.
Over time the boy finally figured out that grown ups were just people, and he saw the other kids grow up and turn into grown ups (AKA: Just Other People) and what was once confusing became (if anything) even more so...
I never did figure out why some people are just plain anus holes...
But people are all the same.
Buddy - the smartest and best thing you could ever do for yourself is to remember the youngster that you once were, and try to be JUST LIKE THAT.
Because when we are young, we haven't been screwed up yet.
Every one of us has that "RESET BUTTON" if we are smart enough to see it and use it...
And this time around, I can afford to fill up my toy box!!! It's up to me, I want to - and I'm going to do that.
This is in part what I mean when I say "UBU" (YOU be YOU). I don't reckon I can put it any simpler than that.
The GEE WHIZ six figure salaried counselors that winter in twenty nine palms (28 after a certain Marine buddy of mine went four wheeling there) call this "Getting in Touch With Your Inner Child".
It's called remembering what you wanted to do, or at least be like from the beginning, and I highly recommend it.
So how are you doing? Still with us? Hope all has improved for you.
When I start feeling less than happy with my life all I have to do is look at what people are dealing with around the globe. Then I see my problems pale in comparison.
2001 F-350 7.3L crew Lariat 4X4 dually 8' bed, 6637 filter, straight pipe, 220 amp alternator, illumination by PIAA and KC, thrust by Dp tuner, braking courtesy of ART cryogenics and Performance Friction, on board air, lane clearing by Nathan Airchime train horns (see em under Articles), car catcher by Road Armor.
Welp, I have good weeks and bad days now instead of the opposite. . . though the bad days can be crippling now, instead of just a "crappy, bad day". . .I think I'm back to where I was at a few years ago, still sucks but at least I don't have the crappy job I had back then
My inner child left long, long ago. . .though I have a few leads as to where he might reside. . .
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