in the air

 

real men and women's fancy turns to...

 

I was driving my Ford Fiesta to pick up some lotion, mags, and beer down a dirt road when all of a sudden I suddenly remembered I wasn't wearing pants! I thought to myself "Again?" I then had a though. I need to pick up more spongebob undies from wal mart along with some toilet paper, and kitty litter. So as fast as I could get to the tool rental aisle, my ATM card burst into flames, and I knew Diebold would be on the look-out for a person who was of the lady in the store and buy some green beans in the vegatable isle. For that would not give me gas. So I looked for special kind of lubricant that stops that burning on my wet clutch pack in my truck. But the voices told me to grab my to go to ailes five gear because I am going to poop pecans on top of a 1963 Chevy Malibu, if I don't get to the toilet. Then I'll replace the alternator on a mystique just for the fun. Once the alternator is in. I went to clean my muffler bearings but OSHA arrived with a gas mask to say you shouldn't let Flip help empty the poop tank if a flame source could ignite the fumes. Because everyone could catch a buzz and then be burned to a crisp if they didn't find the fire hose and wash the grease off. I soon began to realize gravy was spewing from the back side of the lady's dress but it wasn't gravy. It was something completely different that only Bill Clinton could explain, because he was the President of the Coalition for fowl smelling Farts. We really need to find a way to get that odor out of Chad's wife's feet. May we could spray them off with some Motor oil and beer because the motor oil will seal in the juicy goodness and the beer will cause the nails to grow stronger, and kill the foot smell until dries her feet with Spongebob Underwear, so the smell actually wasn't her feet at all. It was from Curts van exhaust, that she had been standing by when the van backfired and sprayed her foot when it sprayed her foot. She screamed and it scared Curtis so bad he pooped. Making his van smell, bad. It sure is a good thing Curt keeps a Port-a-potty in his van to use on such occasions as this. Too bad it backed up so I ran the van to the car wash and tipped over spilling soap and water everywhere.

With water running everywhere Del slipped and fell in for his first bath in weeks, after having been offroading in the wild and wooly Austrailian Outback. Since it was blue water (from the portapot) Del was also blue so people called him a smurf. But my wife was offended so she packed her bags with a bottle of bleach and left with my best friends white shirt on and actually pappa smurf. He was only two inches tall, and still had more then a foot to reach the peddles on his '54 Nash Rambler, so he used wooden blocks tied to his feet and still could not put the pedal to the metal, but thanks to NOS, he doesn't need to fully understand things to be cool. It blew the bottom out of his sponge bob undewear and caused the hazmat crew run away screaming "...watch out very dangerous to your health save yourself!!!! Women and Children first!!! Its been a while since we had to check on freon for the A/C in the model A truck because most model A's did not take A/C with the windows rolled down at 40, so there was no need for the extra freon. So I sold what I had, and Moved to Brazil, to get wax on my big hairy moustache for removal, a clean shave for my lower appendages including the bottoms of my feet, which are freakishly hairy. Now that my feet are done, I should get my nails ground down a little or at least painted blue metalic with pink pinstripes! then I would have a Ford logo tattoed on my rear end and one on my forehead. The logos will match my stickers on my Fiesta which is fueled by Natural Gas, But smells like Maple Syrple and grape Bubbalicious thats why i don't drive near elementary school kids. They always seem to run around with their heads empty thinking of chebbies instead of their play size Fords and pink Yugos with 44 inch boggers and ARB Lockers, only to have one wheel spin in the parking lot, and break all of the bolts off of side of Frankenstiens neck. Which made him lean to the left more than Rush because he go farther right and in circles. So he looked like he was racing a squirrel in his undies on the way to the during the Mississippi Squirrel Revival. To the nut store, where the clerk will say look at my Nuts. They are organic and the Freshness is unbeatable, nobody can beat my fresh nuts. So we had to go and by a new nutcracker to open nuts and mash my fingers. Then we get to go cry to to our mothers. And our dads say see are you proud of that. And we say since Spring is in the air real men and women's fancy turns to...

 

(((Not part of the story)))) BUT...... Holy Cow!!! I didn't realize it was that long, thanks for putting it together Michelle!! Too Funny!!

 

HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahaha!!!!!!!!! It gets a little scketchy there at the end but overall pretty funny.

 

the rides and rites of Spring.

 

Digging through some ancient threads and found this awesome little nugget. Anyone want to help me in the revival?

I was driving my....

 

Bubba stops into Auto Zone........

 

To pick up on Justin....

I was driving my '48 F6 with an ecoboost and Allison 10 speed and stopped at O'rielly's and see Bubba stops into Autozone looking for a Merry Christmas before going.....

 

Who sells him a chrome water pump for his Corvair

 

to Cirrillas for some last minute gift ideas for the wife. They were all out of....

 

Lacey sockets and frilly Crescent wrenches so I bought....

 

them from Harbor Frieght, and decided I would have to do without all of the frilly junk.
On the way out of the store, I ran into my good friend....

 

Ralph. He was headed to the local carshow with his...

 

official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle! But to his disappointment he...