Delaware's Most Frivolous Posts - split from orig
#152
10-23-2007, 06:23 PM
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: DELAWARE, The First State
Posts: 47,276
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Bubba Had Shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"
Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"
Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"
#156
10-23-2007, 07:25 PM
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: DELAWARE, The First State
Posts: 47,276
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97 Posts
Fridays In Hell!
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: "Why so glum?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, Tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."
Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"
Satan: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it"
Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"
Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever and if you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."
Guy: "Cool"
Satan: "What about drugs?"
Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."
Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
Satan: "You gay?"
Guy: "No..."
Satan: "Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough..."
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: "Why so glum?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, Tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."
Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"
Satan: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it"
Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"
Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever and if you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."
Guy: "Cool"
Satan: "What about drugs?"
Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."
Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
Satan: "You gay?"
Guy: "No..."
Satan: "Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough..."
#157
10-23-2007, 08:02 PM
Post Fiend
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: At the Station
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[QUOTE=glruff]Fridays In Hell!
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: "Why so glum?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, Tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."
Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"
Satan: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it"
Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"
Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever and if you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."
Guy: "Cool"
Satan: "What about drugs?"
Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."
Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
That not even right!!!!!!!!
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: "Why so glum?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, Tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."
Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"
Satan: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it"
Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"
Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever and if you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."
Guy: "Cool"
Satan: "What about drugs?"
Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."
Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
Originally Posted by glruff
Satan: "You gay?"
Guy: "No..."
Satan: "Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough..."
Guy: "No..."
Satan: "Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough..."
#158
10-26-2007, 07:39 PM
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: DELAWARE, The First State
Posts: 47,276
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97 Posts
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me at de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy. He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
"SUPPLIES!!"
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me at de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy. He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
"SUPPLIES!!"
#159
10-26-2007, 08:36 PM
Posting Legend
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Where Critters Are Free
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FORGET REDNECKS .....HERE IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAS TO SAY ABOUT NEWENGLANDERS...
IF YOUR LOCAL DAIRY QUEEN IS CLOSED FROM SEPTEMBER THROUGH MAY, YOU LIVE
IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF SOMEONE IN A HOME DEPOT STORE OFFERS YOU ASSISTANCE AND THEY DON'T WORK
THERE, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU'VE WORN SHORTS AND A PARKA AT THE SAME TIME, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU'VE HAD A LENGTHY TELEPHONE CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE WHO DIALED
A WRONG NUMBER, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND..
IF 'VACATION' MEANS GOING ANY WHERE SOUTH OF NEW YORK CITY FOR THE WEEKEND,
YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU MEASURE DISTANCE IN HOURS, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND..
IF YOU KNOW SEVERAL PEOPLE WHO HAVE HIT A DEER MORE T HAN ONCE, YOU LIVE
IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU HAVE SWITCHED FROM 'HEAT' TO 'A/C' IN THE SAME DAY AND BACK AGAIN,
YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU CAN DRIVE 75 MPH THROUGH 2 FEET OF SNOW DURING A RAGING BLIZZARD
WITHOUT FLINCHING, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND..
IF YOU INSTALL SECURITY LIGHTS ON YOUR HOUSE AND GARAGE, BUT LEAVE BOTH
UNLOCKED, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU CARRY JUMPERS IN YOUR CAR AND YOUR WIFE KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM, YOU
LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU DESIGN YOUR KID'S HALLOWEEN COSTUME TO FIT OVER A SNOWSUIT, YOU
LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF THE SPEED LIMIT ON THE HIGHWAY IS 55 MPH -- YOU'RE GOING 80 AND EVERYBODY
IS PASSING YOU, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND..
IF DRIVING IS BETTER IN THE WINTER BECAUSE THE POTHOLES ARE FILLED WITH
SNOW, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU KNOW ALL 4 SEASONS: ALMOST WINTER, WINTER, STILL WINTER AND ROAD
CONSTRUCTION, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU HAVE MORE MILES ON YOUR SNOW BLOWER THAN YOUR CAR, YOU LIVE IN NEW
ENGLAND.
IF YOU FIND 10 DEGREES 'A LITTLE CHILLY', YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND.
IF YOU ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND THESE JOKES, AND FORWARD THEM TO ALL YOUR NEW
ENGLAND FRIENDS, YOU LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND..
#163
10-27-2007, 12:16 PM
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Marlboro Mental Hospital.
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