Learning Center for Men

<HR style="COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->THE LEARNING CENTER
"Mens' Program"

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, March 1, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays---Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique
Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor,
Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry
Hamper and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes -
Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity
Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other
Help Line Support and Support Groups
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things - Starting With
Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning
The House Upside Down While Screaming
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her
Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
Graphics and Audio Tapes
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To
Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live
Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation
and Breathing Techniques
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be dete! rmined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

 

Where are these classes? I need to go!

 

Ya, it's such a pleasure, soooo refereshing, just so gosh darn enlightening to come to FTE to find women posting the denegration of men so thinly veiled in humour. Really, that's what we all come here for, 'cause you know we don't get enough of that kind of crap elsewhere. What a truly thoughtful, supportive, endearing gesture.

It makes a guy want to spread the love, log into a women's forum and post somthing intellectual like "Beer is better than women 'cause it won't nag you to death." Oh, I can already hear the roars of lmao's and the instant endearment to the board!

 

WAIT! Are you sure Baseball Babe is a woman??? I'm not. Regardless, I think you make a good point. I don't share your sentiment exactly, I have a different objection... Seen it. It was almost funny the first time I saw it. Less so the next seventeen instances. Way too many cut-and-paste joke re-runs.

 

Hey, what can I say? I'm guilty of all except no 14. Heating frozen pizzas in the oven doesn't take a rocket scientist to master, and if I get tired of pizza, I just go to the local diner and get real hot food of my choice, served by a pleasant waitress who always smiles and knows me by my first name, and never asks me if I have washed up before sitting down.

 

Ya, self-proclaimed "california girl" in another thread.

 

I know that Baseball Babe, and others here, CLAIM to be female. Maybe they are, but you can't be certain. Know about "gender hacking" and be skeptical. I'm just saying, don't go bashing all the real women out there just because an alleged woman pushed your buttons.

I hijacked this tread didn't I? Sorry, I'll try not to do that.

Baseball Babe, welcome to FTE and please, take no offense (unless you are secretly "Baseball Bubba").

 

Most men, to their everlasting credit, can look at this stuff, realize there is a modicum of truth therein and still laugh about it. Viva la differance!

 

Who is Baseball Bubba?

 

Beer is better then women.... and you are right they don't complain to you.

Geez you guys lighten up.... it was only a joke.

 

Yep... I am from California. I live in the Bay Area and always have. Geez what do I have to do to prove who I say I am.

The next time there is a NorCal Chapter event. I will attend it. Then you won't accuse people.

 

I like to poke fun at both sexes.

I think it's healthy to laugh and move on

Bring 'em on


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IT'S GOOD TO BE A MAN
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's butt if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky looking.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He's mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife or your teeth.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

 

Man's Rules for Woman

(In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like a sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Womens rules for Men

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!

 

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you--except Frisbee (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Dogs understand what no means.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.



HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE ALIKE

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both pass gas shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.



HOW MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Men are a little bit more subtle.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
And the number one reason dogs fall short...
It's fun to dry off a wet man !!!!!!!! (If you're a woman that is !!!)

 

Damn some of those are so true. Finally someone whom can take **** and not whine about it.