Don't ask what spurred this, just roll with it.

I heard this joke today, and it was so dumb, it was funny. I just had to share it.



A man is flying his small, single-engine plane over rural Scotland when the engine sputters and stalls out.

He manages to make a safe emergency landing into a large pasture. After checking the Aircraft, he walks up to the farmhouse and knocks at the door. An elderly woman answers.

He asks the woman, "Excuse me, madam - I was flying my airplane when the engine stalled. I was able to make an emergency landing in your pasture, and I was wondering if you knew of any Mechanics in the area who might be able to help me mend my plane."

She thought for a moment and replied, "Well, we have a couple MacPhersons and a McGregor nearby, but I don't know any Mechanics."


Feel free to post your favorite jokes (forum content permitting, of course) so I don't feel like such a goober!

 

Having family from those neck of the woods... I liked that. What went through my mind at first was "Brokeback Bandit Colton" was the pilot of the small plane until you mentioned the part of making a safe landing.

 

Heres one my son told me when he was about 8 or so.

How many men does it take to surcumsize a whale?

Answer: it takes for skin divers

 

Heh, cute jokes. One of my favorites is as follows:

A professor is teaching a class on ghosts. One day he asks the class, "how many of you believe in ghosts?" The majority of the class raise their hands.

He then asks, "Ok, how many of you have ever seen a ghost?"

About half the class raises their hand.

"Ok," says the professor, "let's try and make this interesting. How many of you have ever talked to a ghost?"

Just a few students raises their hand.

The professor, obviously surprised, proceeds to question his class. "How many of you have ever touched a ghost?"

Two or three students raise their hand. A little taken aback, the profressor smiles and nods. "Ok," he says, "let's make this really interesting. Have any of you ever had sexual relations with a ghost?"

Way in the back of the class Bubba raises his hand.

The professor, shocked and undoubtedly curious exclaims, "Bubba! You must share your experience with the class. What was it like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba stands up and says, "Ghost? Hell man, I thought you said goat!"




A little silly I know, but it gets me every time.

 

Car Repairs...

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
decided to have some fun.

He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all
the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her
hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing
happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her
blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow
into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to
roll up the windows first.'

 

Haha! Good ones!

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scot?
Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud"
The Scot says "Hey, Mcleod! Get off of my ewe!"

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold the bulb and Six others do drink until the room starts spinning!

I only tell these since I'm a little of both :P

 

sounds like a party LOL

 

What did the fish say when they swam into a cement wall???





Dam!!

 

Enjoy this:

Tiger's Transgressions | Animation | Atom

...just point the mouse where you want the ball to hit and click.

 

Haha! That game is awesome. I think I failed miserably though, only got a score of 49.

 

i got a 41..lol

 

Smitty was a heating and cooling technician. His assistant was a small chimpanzee he had trained to do all the duct work. The chimp had no fear of heights or confined spaces, and besides, he didn't have to be paid.

One day, Smitty got a call from a customer who said his air conditioner had broken down. Smitty went over and discovered some defective ducting. The customer asked if it would be hard to fix.

"No problem," replied Smitty, "I have a little duct ape that will take care of it!"

 

To help you with your hunting skills...

Check the how to play with what to shoot or don't shoot.

Hunting with Palin | Animation | Atom

 

Haha, that game is addicting. I played like four times. Only scored 1050 though.

 

Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy’s owners manual?

A. The bus schedule.