> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
> She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>
> I said, 'Dust.'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds.'
>
> I bought her a scale.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> expensive... So, I took her to a gas station.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
> to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
> wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
> to go home and come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing
> my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
> enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> Social Security office.
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too.'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion. I kept
> staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
> nearby table.
>
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I h ear she
> hasn't been sober since.'
>
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> order first.
>
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
>
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
>
> "Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And then the fight started...
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --- --------- ---------
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She's not
> happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
> look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>
> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ------ --------- ---------
>
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
>
> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
>
> I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
> cream.
>
> And then the fi ght started....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ----- --------- ---------
>
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her
> not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ------ --------- ---------
>
> A man and a woman were asl eep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3
> o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman,
> bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap,
> that must be my husband!'
>
> So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
> window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and
> to his car as fast as he could go.
>
> A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed
> at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
>
> The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
> the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up
> to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
> wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
> radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
>
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> bed.
>
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
> whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
>
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband
> is out fishing in that?'
>
> And then the fight started ...
>
> ------------ --------- --- ------ --------- --------- ----
>
> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
>
> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" She said.
>
> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
>
> And that's when the fight started....
>
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
>
> My wife and I are watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' while we were
> in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
>
> "No," she answered.
>
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
>
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And that's when the fight started....

 

Good morning Joe, Chris and everyone else that stops by today.

 

A good morning to you in return.

 

Good Sunday morning Pennsylvania...what a day for a day dream!!!

 

Good morning everbody! I hope everyone enjoys the day, with better than average temps and everything else.

 

If I can get at least 1/2 of my " to do " list done it will be a good day. Lookin good so far. Time to log off and get some errands done.

 

CBRADFORD thas some funny stuff think I heard a few of them before.
Welp hope every ones having a good Sunday.

 

Yea it's made the rounds for sure, a friend emailed me and just wanted to share with you all.

 

They where some good ones Chris. How many of us married guys have actually committed offenses like those in our clueless male state of mind.

Our usual response to our spouses suddenly cold demeanor;

What's the matter, what's wrong?
Huh!
What did I say?
What did I do?
Huh!
You can't be serious.
It's true.
I didn't really mean it like that.
You don't want to? But, that was a couple of hours ago and your still pi*sed? What did I say, What did I do? I'm sorry, really, I'm sorry.

 

Ok guys very boring day here for me in Iraq getting ready to start a third year nothing new except a new base and helping out new units. Can't wait for March so I can be home for two weeks. Got some yard work planned and visiting fam n friands, No plans to work on the 77 or 78 other then new seat for the 78. Oh and need to fix my Kubota mower it has a loader on it and last time I was home I was digging in the yard and waked the mower deck and bent the one mounting bracket. Yeah what a D/A I can be lol. Welp guys see you another day.

 

Hey Joe, glad to see you feelin like posting

Thanks for that G R O S S pic you sent me. It's hard to tell the difference from the one you showed off at Carlisle last year.

 

Mike, two weeks home and you want to do yard work? Playing in the bushes is okay, but not in the yard

George, I'm only doing a little check in, no major posting.

My wife read your comment about not being able to tell the difference and agreed.
She said any way you look at it your a big a**.

 

Really I didn't think she saw me, sorry, lol

 

Joe If I don't do it when I'm in it doesn't get done not planning any thing major just pulling some old fence post, cutting some tree branches, burning brush. I will party every day trust me.

 

This was sent to me by a friend, and wanted to share:

I bought a new Ford F150 4X4 yesterday and returned to the
> dealer today because I couldn't get the radio to work.
>
> The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
>
> "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.
>
> The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
>
> "Willie!" he continued and "On The Road
> Again" came from the speakers.
>
> Then he said, " Ray Charles!", and in an instant
> " Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
>
> I drove away happy and for the next few days, every time
> I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful
> classical music and if I said, " Beatles," I'd
> get one of their awesome songs.
>
> Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my
> new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled,
> "*** Holes!" Immediately the French National
> Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara
> Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks,
> with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on
> harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons,
> Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.
>
> Damn, I LOVE this TRUCK!!
>
>
>


____________