I need Jokes!
I need Jokes!
#3
02-19-2007, 12:00 PM
Posting Guru
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: High Point, NC
Posts: 1,199
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
CHEVY
Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
Can't Have Everything Vern, YaknowwhatImean?
Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
Crap Hasn't EVolved Yet
GMC
God's Mechanical Curse
Garage Man's Companion
Generic Motors Corporation
Got A Mechanic Coming?
Greatest Mistake Created
Great Mountain of Crap
Greasy Messy Contraption
Gay Man's Chevy
Generically Made Chevrolet
Gimme My Checkbook!
Get More Cash!
Wait there's more...
- chevy IS built like a rock the darn thing is always weighing you down.
- ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if it wern’t for chevys my tools would rust.
- did u know 80 percent of chevys are still on the road... the other 20 percent made it home
Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
CHEVY
Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
Can't Have Everything Vern, YaknowwhatImean?
Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
Crap Hasn't EVolved Yet
GMC
God's Mechanical Curse
Garage Man's Companion
Generic Motors Corporation
Got A Mechanic Coming?
Greatest Mistake Created
Great Mountain of Crap
Greasy Messy Contraption
Gay Man's Chevy
Generically Made Chevrolet
Gimme My Checkbook!
Get More Cash!
Wait there's more...
- chevy IS built like a rock the darn thing is always weighing you down.
- ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if it wern’t for chevys my tools would rust.
- did u know 80 percent of chevys are still on the road... the other 20 percent made it home
Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Last edited by MarkMoore; 02-19-2007 at 12:02 PM.
#4
02-18-2008, 06:14 AM
Hotshot
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: St. Charles, Missouri.
Posts: 12,183
Likes: 0
Received 14 Likes
on
12 Posts
Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a Tampon?
A. A tampon comes with its own tow rope
Q. Why do Chevys have magnetized bumpers
A. To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys
Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15
seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.
Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.
Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said,
"I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.
Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?
Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage.
Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.
Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.
Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.
Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.
Q. Why did GM put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?
A. To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the
shop
Q. Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push his Chevy into the shop
Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because his Silverado got stuck.
Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.
CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy
Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.
CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually
Towed
CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
GMC= Garage Man's Companion
GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company
GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming
GMC= Gay Mans Chariot
GM= General Mistake
GM= Glued Metal
GM – Mark of Ignorance
A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and
said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking.
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with
me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the
sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and
I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned
and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Chevy, YOU ride in it!!!"
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
If it wasn't for our Chevy's,
our tools would rust.
From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the
road. The rest made it home.
Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65,
Chevys-do the
best you can"
Thats not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.
Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the
rest.
I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.
Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.
You can Ford a stream, you can Dodge a stream, but a Chevy will sit
and rust in a stream.
A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he
had, how
many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man,
growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how
much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat
and said to the young
man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup
at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the
other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back
quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck
too"!
Here I sit brokenhearted
Wishing that my Chevy started
But it didn't so thats a wrap
I think I'll shoot this piece of cr@p
"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a Tampon?
A. A tampon comes with its own tow rope
Q. Why do Chevys have magnetized bumpers
A. To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys
Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15
seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.
Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.
Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said,
"I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.
Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?
Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage.
Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.
Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.
Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.
Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.
Q. Why did GM put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?
A. To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the
shop
Q. Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push his Chevy into the shop
Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because his Silverado got stuck.
Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.
CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy
Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.
CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually
Towed
CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
GMC= Garage Man's Companion
GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company
GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming
GMC= Gay Mans Chariot
GM= General Mistake
GM= Glued Metal
GM – Mark of Ignorance
A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and
said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking.
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with
me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the
sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and
I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned
and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Chevy, YOU ride in it!!!"
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
If it wasn't for our Chevy's,
our tools would rust.
From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the
road. The rest made it home.
Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65,
Chevys-do the
best you can"
Thats not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.
Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the
rest.
I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.
Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.
You can Ford a stream, you can Dodge a stream, but a Chevy will sit
and rust in a stream.
A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he
had, how
many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man,
growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how
much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat
and said to the young
man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup
at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the
other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back
quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck
too"!
Here I sit brokenhearted
Wishing that my Chevy started
But it didn't so thats a wrap
I think I'll shoot this piece of cr@p
"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
#6
02-19-2008, 04:51 AM
Fleet Mechanic
Diesel envy? Me?
Don't you feel a little inadequate parked between the two Petes waiting for a pump at the Flying J?
________
A real diesel wouldn't fit under the hood of that thing.
________
I'm sorry, did you say you climbed the hill at 1700 rpm? I guess you forgot about the whirly thing doing about 20,000 rpm that keeps you going.
Doesn't that make your average rpm almost 11,000? Heck, I was doing less than half of that!
Don't you feel a little inadequate parked between the two Petes waiting for a pump at the Flying J?
________
A real diesel wouldn't fit under the hood of that thing.
________
I'm sorry, did you say you climbed the hill at 1700 rpm? I guess you forgot about the whirly thing doing about 20,000 rpm that keeps you going.
Doesn't that make your average rpm almost 11,000? Heck, I was doing less than half of that!
#7
02-19-2008, 07:14 PM
Trending Topics
#9
02-20-2008, 05:46 AM
Fleet Mechanic
^ WTF is he talking about...ROFL
I don't have anything against diesels myself, mind you. Wouldn't hesitate to buy one if it suited my needs. The last diesel I worked with was a MAN 10,000 hp engine that made that power at 1,500 rpm. Believe me, it wouldn't fit under the hood of a chevy. And it was one of the smaller engines I saw at their shop in Augsburg.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
HardcoreFXFour
Ford vs The Competition
6
07-23-2011 09:47 PM