woo-hoo!!!!!

 

Bubba's Funeral parlor--At least he's honest!
> So................
>
> Bubba the Mortician takes delivery of a male corpse delivered to Bubba
by
> the deceased's wife. The corpse is dressed in a finely cut suit that
is
> beautifully tailored to him. On the open market the suit would be
> $1,000.00 minimum.
>
> Bubba tells the wife, "Well Ma'am, you have him dressed real nice here
for
> the viewin'. We won't have to worry about that now."
>
> The wife replies, "Well, to tell you the truth this is the suit he
died in
> but I never really thought he looked very good in black. I always
thought
> he looked best in blue." She continued on, "Would it be possible for
you
> to find a really good blue suit for him? I want it to be at least as
good
> as the suit he is wearing right now. Cost is no object. I don't care
what
> it costs but I want him in a nice blue suit f or the viewing
tomorrow."
>
> "Yes, Ma'am" replied Bubba, "we can cert'nly do that for you if that's
> what you want."
>
> With that she hands Bubba a signed blank check and heads out the door.
>
> The next afternoon just before calling hours were to start the wife
> returns. And to her supreme pleasure she finds her husband laid out in
the
> casket wearing the most beautiful sky-blue suit she has ever seen. It
is
> finely cut and tailored; has fine pin stripe. She guesses to herself
that
> the suit must have cost at least $2,000.00.
>
> She turns to Bubba and says, "Oh, that suit is absolutely perfect! He
> looks soooooo good in blue. I can't thank you enough."
>
> Bubba smiles and nods as the wife continues, "I am curious, though, as
to
> what this suit cost. And I repeat price is absolutely no object but
what
> was the price of this beautiful suit?"
>
> Bubba smiles and replies, "Ma'am, the suit is no charge."
>
> "Really", says the wife, "I am not the least bit concerned over price.
I'm
> just curious as to how much this suit cost."
>
> "Ma'am, the suit is free", replies Bubba.
>
> "But how can you make any money if you dress people like this and then
> don't charge for the clothes?", she asks.
>
> "Well, Ma'am", says Bubba, "to be honest with you another woman came
by
> right after you left to leave her departed husband with me to prepare
and
> he was wearing a really nice blue suit. She thought he looked better
in
> black."
>
> "So", continued Bubba, "I just switched the heads."

 

Somethings are better left un said.....

 

Some people are like slinkies,

But they still bring a smile to your face

When you push them down the stairs!!

 

Now that is friggin funny, I think I may have to give someone slinky as a nick name

 

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor . I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

 

Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy




1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

 

Funny, funny, funny, I like #2, lol

 

Subject: Icy Winter


> A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to
> thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at
> the same hotel where they
> > spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
> > Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to
> coordinate their travel
> > schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew
> to Florida on Thursday,
> > with his wife planning to fly down the next day.
> > The husband checked into the hotel in Florida.
> There was a computer in his
> > room, so he decided to send an email to his wife
> back in Minnesota; however,
> > he accidentally left out one letter in her email
> address, and without
> > realizing the error, sent the email.
> > Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, Texas, a widow
> had just returned home from
> > her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was
> called to Glory following a
> > heart attack. The widow decided to check her
> email, expecting messages from
> > relatives and friends. After reading the first
> message, she screamed and
> > fainted.
> > The widow's son rushed into the room, found his
> mother on the floor,and saw
> > the computer screen which read:
> > To: MY BELOVED WIFE
> > Subject: I'VE ARRIVED
> > Date: 24 JANUARY, 2007
> >
> > I KNOW YOU'RE SURPRISED TO HEAR FROM ME.
> > I'VE JUST ARRIVED AND HAVE BEEN CHECKED IN. THEY
> HAVE COMPUTERS HERE NOW
> > AND WE ARE ALLOWED TO SEND EMAILS TO OUR LOVED
> ONES.
> > I'LL SEE THAT EVERYTHING IS PREPARED FOR YOUR
> ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
> > LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU THEN.
> > HOPE YOUR JOURNEY IS AS UNEVENTFUL AS MINE WAS.
> > P.S. IT IS FREAKING HOT DOWN HERE!
> >

 

Ahahaha, that was funny, funny, funny.

 

LOOK OUT FOR THE HOT NEKED CHICKS........

 

One more for George W. Bush, good job.

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a
get-acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of
iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that
President Clinton had a solid gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think,"
he said, "when I am president, I could have a gold urinal too. But I
wouldn't do something that self indulgent!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she
told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact
that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary
smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who p'd in your saxophone."

 

I guess Clinton didn't have to moisten his mouth piece!!!!!!!

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Handle every situation like a dog.

If you can't eat it or hump it.

**** on it and walk away.

 

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.

Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving.

I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.

PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself....

"Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."