"If a friend won't lend you money, then they probably are a good friend."

When I am asked how I'm feeling, I always reply:

"I feel pretty good but I'll get over it."

 

There's more horse's ---es in this town than there are horses.

 

I may not be the fastest runner, just as long as I am not the slowest when it matters.

 

that's a lot like...

"You don't have to swim fast to escape a shark attack; just faster than the guy behind you.

 

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

 

This town needs an enima!

I wish I could buy back my introduction to you. - Groucho Marx


give them an evasive answer, tell them to go ____ themselves! - W.C. Fields


I was hit by one of those little foreign compact cars, I had to go to the hospital and have it removed. - Milton Berle

 

Good parts aren't cheap, and cheap parts aren't good.
Keep that in mind Chebby owners...

 

Sign in a repair shop:


You can have it done fast
You can have it done cheap
You can have it done well

Pick any two...

 

If it smells like fish eat it.

 

Like white on rice.

There's more than one way to skin a cat, but none of them are pleasant.

 

Carpenters Motto:

Cut to size

beat to fit
paint to match

Your slow, but you do good work!!

Its the same, but different

 

"I can't help ya buddy"

find myself using it more and more - like on the street and when asked for a 1, 5 or 10 dollar bill(or even spare change).....They need more help than any bill I could give.., or even a so called friend aways wanting a free ride.....

 

60 percent of the time it works all the time

If you're drinking before noon beer should be cheaper!

 

memo posted in small print where i work: to all young ladies in the machine shop: if you wear loose clothing,be aware of the machines,if you wear tight clothing,be aware of the old perverted machinist!! very true i might add

 

rule #1, The boss is allways right
rule #2, When the boss is wrong see rule #1

No mater where you go there you are

They can chew you up but they have to spit you out

Lefty lucy, righty tighty

When the fear of death lurks in the sipmple ack of swallowing make mine wiskey, no water thank you (WC Fields)