> >Oil Change instructions for Women:
> >
> >1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
> >last oil change.
> >
> >2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> >
> >3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
>
> >vehicle.
> >
> >Money spent:
> >Oil Change $20.00
> >Coffee $1.00
> >
> >Total $21.00
> >================================================= =========
> >
> >Oil Change instructions for Men:
> >
> >1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
> >oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
> >check for $50.00.
> >
> >2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
> >home.
> >
> >3) Open a beer and drink it.
> >
> >4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> >
> >5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> >
> >6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> >
> >7) Place drain pan under engine.
> >
> >8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> >
> >9) Give up a nd use crescent wrench.
> >
> >10) Unscrew drain plug.
> >
> >11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
> process.
> >Cuss.
> >
> >12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
> >Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> >
> >13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> >
> >14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> >
> >15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
> >filter and twist off.
> >
> >16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> >everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
> >trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
> >
> >Drink a beer.
> >
> >17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
> >chan ge tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
> >
> >18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
> >pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole
> >in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
> >
> >19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
> >
> >20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
> >
> >21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> >
> >22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
> >gasket surface.
> >
> >23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> >
> >24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> >
> >25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> >
> >26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
> >along with drain plug.
> >
> >27) Drink beer.
> >
> >28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
> >dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
> >patch of ground an d avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
> >lawnmower gas.
> >
> >29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
> >kitty litter on oil spill.
> >
> >30) Drink beer.
> >
> >31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
>
> >rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
> >tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
> >
> >32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
> >
> >33) Begin cussing fit.
> >
> >34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> >
> >35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> >
> >36) Beer.
> >
> >37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
> flow.
> >
> >38) Beer.
> >
> >39) Beer.
> >
> >40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> >
> >41) Beer.
> >
> >42) Lower car from jack stands.
> >
> >43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
> >
> >44) Move car back to apply more kit ty litter to fresh oil spilled
> >during steps 23 - 43.
> >
> >45) Beer.
> >
> >46) Test drive car.
> >
> >47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> >
> >48) Car gets impounded.
> >
> >49) Call loving wife, make bail.
> >
> >50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> >
> >Money spent:
> >Parts $50.00
> >DUI $2500.00
> >Impound fee $75.00
> >Bail $1500.00
> >Beer $40.00
> >
> >Total - - $4,165.00
> >
> >But you know the job was done right!
> >
> >SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH.....
> >AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.....
> >
>
>
>

 

thats awesome... but a real man doesnt need a lift or jacks to drain oil... his rig should be big enough he just has to walk under it to drain oil.

 

Boy oh boy, that list looks WAY too familiar to me. I think my fiance' is telling on me or something.

 

Funny but not reality for most. Jiffy Lube and "properly maintained" do not go together.

My changes take 15 minutes and cost $10-$12.

Hootbro

 

is that the 5% alcohol beer or the 3%

 

Does it really matter? After all it is beer, Beer Good.

 

6% alcohol beer

 

Funny.

No beer on Sunday here though.....

 

i figured this deserves a bump
>Oil Change instructions for Women:
> >
> >1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
> >last oil change.
> >
> >2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> >
> >3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
>
> >vehicle.
> >
> >Money spent:
> >Oil Change $20.00
> >Coffee $1.00
> >
> >Total $21.00
> >=============================================== == =========
> >
> >Oil Change instructions for Men:
> >
> >1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
> >oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
> >check for $50.00.
> >
> >2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
> >home.
> >
> >3) Open a beer and drink it.
> >
> >4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> >
> >5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> >
> >6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> >
> >7) Place drain pan under engine.
> >
> >8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> >
> >9) Give up a nd use crescent wrench.
> >
> >10) Unscrew drain plug.
> >
> >11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
> process.
> >Cuss.
> >
> >12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
> >Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> >
> >13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> >
> >14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> >
> >15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
> >filter and twist off.
> >
> >16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> >everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
> >trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
> >
> >Drink a beer.
> >
> >17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
> >chan ge tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
> >
> >18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
> >pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole
> >in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
> >
> >19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
> >
> >20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
> >
> >21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> >
> >22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
> >gasket surface.
> >
> >23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> >
> >24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> >
> >25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> >
> >26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
> >along with drain plug.
> >
> >27) Drink beer.
> >
> >28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
> >dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
> >patch of ground an d avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
> >lawnmower gas.
> >
> >29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
> >kitty litter on oil spill.
> >
> >30) Drink beer.
> >
> >31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
>
> >rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
> >tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
> >
> >32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
> >
> >33) Begin cussing fit.
> >
> >34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> >
> >35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> >
> >36) Beer.
> >
> >37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
> flow.
> >
> >38) Beer.
> >
> >39) Beer.
> >
> >40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> >
> >41) Beer.
> >
> >42) Lower car from jack stands.
> >
> >43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
> >
> >44) Move car back to apply more kit ty litter to fresh oil spilled
> >during steps 23 - 43.
> >
> >45) Beer.
> >
> >46) Test drive car.
> >
> >47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> >
> >48) Car gets impounded.
> >
> >49) Call loving wife, make bail.
> >
> >50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> >
> >Money spent:
> >Parts $50.00
> >DUI $2500.00
> >Impound fee $75.00
> >Bail $1500.00
> >Beer $40.00
> >
> >Total - - $4,165.00
> >
> >But you know the job was done right!
> >
> >SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH.....
> >AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.....

 

lmao! Awesome!

 

Sounds like its time to move

 

Around Georgia it seems to have changed most everywhere since i posted this originally.

 

so what you are saying is that you did not learn your lesson back in 06, and got busted for DUI again last month?

 

Sure!! thats why i cant afford any truck parts anymore

 

figured so.
look at it on the bright side.
at least you were not in commifornia, and ended up in jail where no one but you spoke engrish