"IF LOU COSTELLO WERE BUYING A COMPUTER ...

ABBOTT: Computer Support Group. How may I help you?

COSTELLO: Hi. I'm settin' up a home office and I'm thinkin' of buyin' a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, my name is Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.

ABBOTT: So you want Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see in the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Wallpaper?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: Windows with wallpaper?

ABBOTT: Well, you don't have to have wallpaper. You can have a screen saver.

COSTELLO: A screen saver for windows?

ABBOTT: That's right.

COSTELLO: What if it's cold and I don't want screens?

ABBOTT: You've got to have a screen.

COSTELLO: What for?

ABBOTT: To see Windows.

COSTELLO: I have to have a screen to see windows? What do I see if I look at windows?

ABBOTT: Your screen.

COSTELLO: So if I look at my screen I see Windows and if I look at windows I see my screen?

ABBOTT: Exactly.

Costello: What about software?

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No, for the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business...

ABBOTT: Office?

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommended something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: For MY office.

ABBOTT: Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!

ABBOTT: Are you looking at the screen?

COSTELLO: I don't have a screen!

ABBOTT: Then how do you use your computer?

COSTELLO: I DON'T HAVE A COMPUTER! I WANT TO BUY ONE! I want to buy one and type up stuff. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: If I'm writing, I'm going to need lots of words.

ABBOTT: No, just one Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: And office is in Windows.

COSTELLO: No, windows are in office. Boy, are you mixed up.

ABBOTT: You get Word when you click the blue W.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W blue if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. What do I need to watch it?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll so want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch the end?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: How can real one show me the end of the movie?

ABBOTT: Just like it shows you the beginning.

COSTELLO: Okay, I'm sittin' at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue 1.

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.

COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?

ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?

ABBOTT: Just one copy.

COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.

COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.

COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?

ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.

COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: You sell money?

ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.

COSTELLO: You sell money, but if I buy a computer, I get it for free. That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?

ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.

COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.

COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.

COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?

ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.

COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know, accounting? You do it with money.

ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.

COSTELLO: More money?

ABBOTT: Money can't do everything.

COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?

ABBOTT: GoBack.

COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer crashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?

ABBOTT: GoBack.

COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.

COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word -- the Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.

ABBOTT: Hello? Hello?... Customers! Why do they always hang up me?"

 

Well done....

 

Thank you-brings back good memories of "Who's on First?"

 

I love it - definately one to send to my dad. He calls his computer "the Thing" anyway so this will just confirm his understanding of the computer world.

Excellent!!!!!

 

that was a good one

 

That was great!

 

My wife the artist could pass for lou. That was hilarious.

 

o man that was great. very amusing.

 

thats good stuff....