Craigslist. Isn’t it wonderful? You’re only a few clicks away from finding that dream car or motorcycle. I’ve bought a number of cars and dirt bikes from craigslist, and more than I care for have turned out to be turds. So, as a service to my fellow FTE’ers, I thought I would offer this craigslist auto/motorcycle ad translator. I’ve learned my lessons from the school of hard knocks so you don’t have to.

I’ve run across some commonly used phrases while searching for dirt bikes and autos and offer my translation. I will make the distinction when necessary if a phrase only applies to one or the other. Some of these may be regional. Feel free to contribute anything you’ve learned so that others may benefit.

Sorry if this is a bit long.

What the ad says: Well maintained.
What the owner is really saying:
If it’s an auto: I don’t have service records to prove it or even the owner’s maintenance guide but I know you’re supposed to change the oil. I changed the oil recently and just got it detailed so it looks nice for the sale. No other fluids were ever changed for 150k miles.
If it’s a dirt bike (especially a Honda): I never checked or changed the air filter or oil. It may not have any oil in the crankcase.

What the ad says: Gently used (usually in an ad for an XRF/CRF50 or other kid’s dirt bike).
What the owner is really saying: My cousins Jed and Zeke would come over every weekend and me and them would get totally hammered and beat the snot out of this thing and it ain’t broke yet. 98% of its life expectancy has been used up in the 2 years we rode it.

What the ad says (usually in a car ad): Female owned.
What it really means: No comment. (easy ladies, just kidding)

What the ad says: Bullet proof legendary Honda reliability (motorcycle)
What the owner is saying: It’s reliable and that means you don’t have to maintain it, right?

What the ad says (auto): Honda/Toyota reliability, or this Honda/Toyota is good for another 150k miles for sure
What the owner is really saying: I never changed the coolant, thermostat or hoses. One of the hoses just blew and the motor overheated. I replaced the blown hose and thermostat. The head is warped.

What the ad says: I’ve driven it to [fill in the blank with the name of a semi-distant city or other location] 6 times last summer and never had a problem.
What it really means: That was last summer. Now it’s fall, the car has problems and that’s why I’m selling it.

What the ad says: Responsible adult owned
What the owner is really saying: I’m a responsible adult now but I wasn’t when I bought it 12 years ago. I didn’t have the money or knowledge to maintain it until 2 years ago, so now I’m getting something new and getting rid of this pile of poo.

What the ad says: I know what cars are worth so don’t offer me less.
What the seller is really saying: I hope you don’t know what it’s really worth.

What the ad says: V6 gas saver
What the seller is saying: The V6 and V8 get the same mileage but I’m hoping you don’t know that and pay me more for something you think will get better mileage.

What the ad says: Just had a recent tune-up
What the seller is really saying: This is the first one ever.

What the ad says: Good tires
What the seller is really saying: Two of the tires are newer and don’t match.

What the ad says: Serious inquiries only.
What the seller is saying: I’ll never return your call or email.

What the ad says: Non smoker
What it really means: Free dog smell and dog hair included in purchase price.

 

ad says: like new, very low miles, only driven by a little old lady to church on sunday.

what the owner is really saying: my mother bought this car when she was 69, and only drove it to go to church on sunday morning because she was blind in one eye and couldn't see very well out of the other. she is now 94, and completely blind.
we found this fact out just recently when the pastor called to say she hit the church youth recreation building.......again.
it has the original tires and oil toyoda put it it when it was made 25 years ago.
every body panel is dented at least once, but it only has 17,000 miles on it.

 

I went to see a dirt bike described as being in "Excellent" condition in the ad. (pre CL, but just note the format for this BS has changed, but the BS remains the same..) Anyway, the only thing I could figure after looking at it and talking to the guy was that the guy must have popped up after every crash and exclaimed "Excellent" in the manner then in style....