It's been a while since the last funnies thread on here so I thought this one might be a good one.

I have become fascinated lately with amusing idioms. I think it all started when I heard Larry the Cable guy say something about being "madder than a midget with a yo-yo".

Let's try to maintain a PG rating so we don't get this thread totally canned.

Allow me to start:

Slicker than greased weasel snot on a doorknob.
Busier than a one armed wallpaper hanger.
As nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockingchairs.
As rare as a gay tomcat.
Cold enough to freeze the ***** off a brass monkey.

Etc, etc.....

Ok, guys let's hear them..... I'm especially interested to hear from some of the more eh.....seasoned members of our brethren.

 

Busier than a one-legged man in an @$$ kicking contest.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Slower than molasses in January.

 

"Slower than Smoke"



I'll try to think of some.....

 

"As tired as a $2 wh*re on half price day"

 

'Colder than a witch's teet'
'Stronger than mare's breath'
'Colder than a well digger's ***'
And my favorite,

'More useless than **** on a wart hog'

All used on an almost daily basis by my father

 

that boy is dumber than a box of rocks.
she fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on her way down.
that boy is dimmer than a 3 watt light bulb.............in a power outage.

 

Nervous as a Priest in a pre-school...

 

Dumber than a sack of doorknobs
Dumber than a box of rocks
As dry as a popcorn fart (one of my favorites)

 

Higher then ***** on a giraffe

 

One French fry short of a happy meal
not dealing with a full deck
elevator don't go to the top floor
one slice short of a sandwich
a few ants short of a picnic
not the sharpest knife in the drawer
sharp as a bowling ball

 

Tighter then a nats azz

That boys elevator dosen's go all the way up

Messed up like a napken at a BBQ

 

he gets lost looking for a sammich in a lunch sack he packed himself.

 

Couldn't dump **** out a boot if the instructions were on the bottom

 

Thats like pis_en up a rope

Its easier to poke butter up a bob cats azz with a hot poker

He's higher than a cats azz

Scared him so bad his butt pinched a hole in his underware

So ugly scared buzzards off a gut waggon

Thats was lower than a snakes belly in a wagon track

Wow she walks like two coons fighting in a tow sack

Thats about as hard as driving a bent nail

Colder than a well diggers tool.

Your a pretty fart smeller

 

Another one from Larry The Cable Guy:
"Madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory"