Update:

Just heard back from service department again. The story now, is that the tech had the truck in the middle of the shop, trying to program the PCM with an update, and THEIR computer crashed while doing it. Now, this obviously toasted the PCM, but the tech doesn't understand that yet. On top of that, they still have no clue why it stalled and won't start to begin with. So, they are waiting on a call back from Ford, and I won't hear anything until tomorrow. I asked for a loaner, they offered me a Sonata...I declined, it wouldn't even make it up my road. Her response was, "what, do you live in the sticks or something?" I said yes...

This blows. Yup.