Interviewer: Hey Larry, what do you think of Bikini Baristas?

Larry: You're not gonna believe this, but there's a snow cone vendor out there not wearing a bra.

Interviewer: Does this have something to do with coffee?

Larry: No, but it makes me want to get a snow cone.

Interviewer: Larry so you like coffee snow cones, I understand you like to drive a big, four wheel drive Ford truck. Do you like to take any of your FTE buddies out with you?

Larry: I drive alone. I inspect alone, sometimes I'll even have sex alone. But never on company time. That's my policy.

Interviewer: You seem to be serious about doing any kind of business on company time... do you got a minute to comment about the upcoming big football game?

Larry: Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I gotta take the Browns to the Super Bowl.

Interviewer: Thanks Larry.

Amy Butlin: After lunch today, he told me there was a brown snake playing peek-a-boo with his butthole. I aced Biology. I do not recall brown snakes.

Interviewer: Looks like the Browns are going all the way.


~Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006) ...edited for clarity.