Nebraska Humor
 

I get emails all the time for my cousin so I figured I would post one every now and then.





<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 5px" width="100%"></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><TABLE height=209 width="100%" bgColor=#ffffff><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top><TABLE cellSpacing=8 cellPadding=0 width="100%" align=center border=0 nowrap><TBODY><TR><TD>




The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in HazardNebraska , for $200.00. They bought the cow from Nebraska and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased andvery happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cowslike it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. Nomatter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bulland he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise,what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side." The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Nebraska ?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where theybought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Nebraska ?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Nebraska ."

</PRE>


</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></P>

Nice. I'm gonna have to tell my wife that one!

This is a good idea. I am pretty much the email distributor for my shop here at the plant. When I get a good one, I'll post it!

OK, here's another one........:-D


I have lived in Nebraska my entire life. Proud to be a Nebraskan.


YOU GREW UP IN RURAL NEBRASKA IF...

2.You know how to polka, but never tried it sober....

3.You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.

4.You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping
between the reception and wedding dance.

5.You know the difference between "Green" and "Red" farm machinery, and
would fight with your friends over which was better!

6.You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.

7.You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at the county fair.

8.You know that "combine" is a noun.

9.You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel
post in the middle of winter.

10.You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.

11.You know that "creek" rhymes with "pick".

12.Football schedules, hunting season and harvest are all taken into
consideration before wedding dates are set.

13.A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your girlfriend
shining for deer.

14.There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the
morning... phew!

15.Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the
chicken dance.

16.Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

17.The local gas station sells live bait.

18.At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing
plant.

19.You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.

20.Pop is the only name for soda.

21.You actually understand these jokes and will forward them to all your
Nebraska friends!!!!!

Why do I feel guilty for nodding at every one of them?

You shouldn't feel guilty...because you live in NEBRASKA :-D

Wow......I'm only 17, but I have experienced most of those!!!!

Got this in an email, too funny not to share!


One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the
diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I! have a surprise for dinner tonight.' He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat
and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulp mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it, feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused:

'Happy Birthday"

I fainted.

ahahahahah wow

Here's another..

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar at9:58 PM. He sat down
next to a pretty blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The
10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a
man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jumpThe blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I just bet he won't."Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You'reon!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did
a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.The blonde was very
upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying,"Fair's fair. Here's
your money."Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this
earlier on the 5:00 PMnews and so I knew he would jump."The blond replied, "I did too, but I sure didn't think he'd do it again."


Bob took the money...... .

Way to funny.

lmao!!!!! u kno ur from NE if

during a tornado, u check the cattle before u check the kids.

u think using an elevator involves a straight truck

u've had a lengthy conversation w/ someone who dialed a wrong number

vacation means going anywere south of Grand Island

u can drive 75 mph in 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard and not even flinch

u kno the speed limit on I-80 is 75, but ur doing 90 and people are still passing you

u kno all 4 season: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

Hey Patrick, what happened to that cool Husker avatar you had?? That was awesome!

On the u kno ur from NE if thing I agree with all except the winter one. That is only good for about 3 months out of the year. The rest of the time you know you are from Nebraska if the other three seasons are hot and dry, hotter and drier, and hotter yet and dryer yet except for the day when it hailed baseballs two feet deep and the tornado took the barn!!!

Even though I don't live in NE now, I did live there for 30+ years.