"TURBONATOR", "CYCLONE", and other BOGUS modifications...
 

WORD -
We should stamp out these kinds of junk devices for all time.

The premise is that diddling the incoming air or fuel/air charge will significantly increase efficiency, but the truth is that the only thing significantly increased is the bank balances of the idiots responsible for the stupid things.

In line with such items, I wonder that nobody has devised a means of attaching a folgers coffee can between the mass air flow unit and manifold on a ricer, thus "SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASING" the ooh-aah factor of something equally insignificant....

I wonder indeed regarding the manifold uses of coffee cans in the aftermarket performance industry as a whole - if I mount a pinwheel made out of a coffee can on the front grill of my truck, can I therefore legitimately claim that it has an aftermarket "TURBO"? (Here I am minded to recall the "Beanies" of yesteryear, which had little propellers on the back...)

If I cobble together an air filter by stretching an old t-shirt around a coffee can with holes drilled in the sides, can I claim that I have "invented" a new high-flow air handling system?

Since coffeecan-like exhaust tips are popular for making a gutless machine louder, suppose I add a coffee can to the horn(s)? Call it the "MELLOW TONE HOOTER" perhaps, and mass market it on the shopping channel:

"Yes, YOU TOO can now have the loudest horn in your neighborhood for only nineteen ninety five
(Plus shipping and handling. Some assembly required)"


The possibilities are endless-
Mount fifty subwoofer speakers in coffee cans, and hook them to a PA amplifier in the trunk (boot).

Use them for mounting effects lighting, and let them hang underneath the frame.

Hammer enough coffee cans flat and you can build a crude but obnoxiously large spoiler out of them, as if to prevent high winds from blowing the entire assemblage straight into the nearest dumpster...

It seems to me that a vehicle would be better off 'decaffienated'!

Truth: If more vehicles had wire spoked wheels (as they used to) there would be some jackanape out there selling packs of playing cards and clothes pins to put cards in your spokes.

And people would buy them...

That's the amazing thing! Any Joe Schmoe that comes up with a gimmick that does not obviously and definitely DAMAGE a vehicle immediately has a market for selling automotive garbage!!!

Why is that, I wonder? Hmmm....


~Wolf
(Greywolf's commentaries are not necessarily subsidised by Club FTE and do not necessarily reflect the policies or beliefs of anyone on planet earth at all. For a transcript of tonights show, send $29.95 to webforum coast to coast, attn: Greywolf. Please allow one hundred years for shipping)

Great post, G-Wolf!!!!

You wrote:
"Why is that, I wonder? Hmmm...."

That one is kinda easy to answer. . . . It was once said, "There's a sucker born every minute."


Again, that was a GREAT post, G-Wolf!!!!



Keith

Ja, oui, da, si, I had fun writing it! :)

Yep - that'n is a keeper...

I bought a "turbonator" that increased my mileage by 40%. Then, I got a gold-plated air filter that increased it by 35%. Last week, I got carbon-fiber tires that added another 30%. That's a total of 105%.

Now, every morning, I have to siphon a little fuel out of my tank so it doesn't spill out on the ground! :-D

My buddy's B-I-L, created his own cyclone. He took a sheet metal disc and cut one himself and installed it in his Olds Alero.

He claimed it saved all kinds of fuel, and he saw more horsepower. Right up to the point it broke apart and sucked down into the #2 cylinder. By the time my buddy, his dad, and the B-I-L called me for some tools and help finding the problem that little sheet metal thing had really scratched the heck out of the cylinder, the head, the top of the piston. It did a real number on the intake valve.

How to get rich:
Step 1. Find someone with more money than sense.
Step 2. Find out what he's buying.
Step 3. Sell it to him.

Cruel...

Is it gas or diesel dripping out?

I'd like to add to this thread that there's also oil additives, gas additives, you name it.

Synthetic oil was long considered the latest snake oil. I've gotten past that, but it was difficult.

People I know who've used a certain oil additive certainly had oil pressure problems after using it.

Ya'll forgot the spinning exhaust tips.

Oh,and they DO exist.

http://www.shoplaser.com/

Great post Greywolf, now all you need is a patent and ebay, you're going to be rich I tell ya!

I can't believe some one would pay $50 for a peice of a aluminum beer can cut and bent like a fan blade that only cost about .50 cents to make! What about all of there claims with dyno tests to show how much you gain with there product? Do they all smoke some good stuff or what! Has anyone did an actual dyno test on this junk I don't believe any of there claims! Great post Greywolf!