The motherlode (of bowtie jokes)
#1
05-08-2010, 10:51 AM
The motherlode (of bowtie jokes)
chevrolet---can here every valve rap on long extended trips
chevrolet--- Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.
Q. Why do Chevys have magnetized bumpers
A. To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys
Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15
seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.
Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.
Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said,
"I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.
Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?
Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage.
Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.
Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.
Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.
Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.
Q. Why did GM put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?
A. To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the
shop
Q. Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push his Chevy into the shop
Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because his Silverado got stuck.
Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.
CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy
Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.
CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually
Towed
CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
GMC= Garage Man's Companion
GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company
GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming
GM= General Mistake
GM= Glued Metal
GM – Mark of Ignorance
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
If it wasn't for our Chevy's,
our tools would rust.
From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the
road. The rest made it home.
Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65,
Chevys-do the
best you can"
Thats not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.
Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the
rest.
I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.
Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.
You can Ford a stream, you can Dodge a stream, but a Chevy will sit
and rust in a stream.
A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he
had, how
many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man,
growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how
much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat
and said to the young
man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup
at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the
other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back
quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck
too"!
Here I sit brokenhearted
Wishing that my Chevy started
But it didn't so thats a wrap
I think I'll shoot this piece of crap
"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
CHEVROLET = Chews Heads, Eats Valves, Runs Only Lousy ETs
"Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with."
Yea Chevys are like a rock they just sit there
chevrolet--- Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.
Q. Why do Chevys have magnetized bumpers
A. To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys
Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15
seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.
Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.
Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said,
"I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.
Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?
Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage.
Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.
Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.
Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.
Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.
Q. Why did GM put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?
A. To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the
shop
Q. Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push his Chevy into the shop
Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because his Silverado got stuck.
Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.
CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy
Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.
CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually
Towed
CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
GMC= Garage Man's Companion
GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company
GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming
GM= General Mistake
GM= Glued Metal
GM – Mark of Ignorance
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
If it wasn't for our Chevy's,
our tools would rust.
From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the
road. The rest made it home.
Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65,
Chevys-do the
best you can"
Thats not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.
Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the
rest.
I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.
Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.
You can Ford a stream, you can Dodge a stream, but a Chevy will sit
and rust in a stream.
A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he
had, how
many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man,
growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how
much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat
and said to the young
man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup
at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the
other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back
quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck
too"!
Here I sit brokenhearted
Wishing that my Chevy started
But it didn't so thats a wrap
I think I'll shoot this piece of crap
"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
CHEVROLET = Chews Heads, Eats Valves, Runs Only Lousy ETs
"Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with."
Yea Chevys are like a rock they just sit there
#2
05-09-2010, 11:18 PM
#3
05-10-2010, 12:46 PM
Post Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Southern California
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Moved from General Auto Discussion forum. 
Yeah, why are are Ford owners so insecure that they need to constantly reasure themselves by making jokes about the other brands. Let's hear some Ford and Dodge jokes too! 
#4
05-10-2010, 06:44 PM
#5
05-10-2010, 07:03 PM
Postmaster
#6
10-03-2010, 02:54 PM
GM: "Gross Motors", "Gross Materials", Gross Machines".
And because The Admin. wants some balance:
(these are old enough that many of you might not know them.)
Found On Road Dead
Fix Or Repair Daily
And because I love AMCs:
Ain't My Car
Another Mexican Car (I can get away with that one. Look at my user name!)
All Makes Combined
And then the correct ones:
Awesome Muscle Car
Amazing Muscle Car
Amazing Motors Company
(I used to know a lot more of both the positive and negative AMC ones but I've forgotten them.)
Regards, Eric
And because The Admin. wants some balance:
(these are old enough that many of you might not know them.)
Found On Road Dead
Fix Or Repair Daily
And because I love AMCs:
Ain't My Car
Another Mexican Car (I can get away with that one. Look at my user name!)
All Makes Combined
And then the correct ones:
Awesome Muscle Car
Amazing Muscle Car
Amazing Motors Company
(I used to know a lot more of both the positive and negative AMC ones but I've forgotten them.)
Regards, Eric
Last edited by horsepuller; 10-15-2010 at 01:38 PM. Reason: profanity
#7
10-14-2010, 01:40 AM
Super Duty
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: NW IN.
Posts: 2,525
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#11
10-26-2010, 10:26 PM
Postmaster
#12
11-04-2010, 10:46 PM
The love of pickup trucks in general goes very deep here in the US. It's the vehicle of choice of working men and has been since the beginning of motorized vehicles. Ford, and yes Chevy, have been the top 2 choices since the beginning. Both have a reputation for quality and durability, which has equated to something approaching loyalty to most truck owners. "This is my faithful old xxxx truck. She's never let me down....".
There is a certain amount of emotion and sentiment that is stirred in any truck owner by the iconic view of a loaded pickup truck rolling down a dirt road with a trail of dust following it into the sunset, regardless of the manufacturer. That's something that really does "run deep".
It's actually quite a powerful message. Chevy is just trying to cash in on it. Touche', Chevy.
I love Ford trucks and have for 40 years. However, I will not seriously bash Chevy trucks.
In jest, absolutely.
The Ford vs Chevy war makes for some good jokes.In the interest of honesty, I'd like to find a nice International pickup. Talk about tough? They were tanks, but that came at a price. There's a really nice red/white 70's extended cab 'Binder running around locally that I drool over any time I see it.
Anyone have any 'Binder jokes? I'm sure any older truckers here know some.
Duh! I've heard that one but forgot about it.
