YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM RURAL MINNESOTA WHEN...

1. You never meet any celebrities except The "BODY".

2 . Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a
tractor on the highway.

3. "Vacation" means going to the Twin Cities.

4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were
popular in Twin Cities.

5. You measure distance in hours.

6. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

7. Your classes were canceled because of cold.

8. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

9. You use a down comforter in the summer.

10. Your grandparents drive at 70 miles per hour through 13
feet of snow and raging blizzard - without flinching.

11. You plan your financial future around bingo.

12. You see people wear hunting clothes at social events.

13. You install security lights on your house and garage and
leave both unlocked.

14. You think of the major four food groups as deer meat,
beer, fish and saskatoons.

15. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend
knows how to use them.

16. There are always 4 empty cars running in the parking lot
at the beer store at any given time.

17. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

18. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a
snowsuit.

19. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are
filled with snow.

20. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

21. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas

22. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

23. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still
Winter, and Road Construction.

24. It takes 3 hours to go to the mall for one item even when
you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in
town.

25. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to
all your friends from Minnesota.

 

hi
It's not what i expected but it sure is accurate. thanks for the sore ribs!

 

 

just think this could be moved up or re read fo ol times sake

 

First time I read it & it is true as can be. Reminds me of that Movie Fargo that was partially based in my area.

The first time I saw that movie & heard the way they talk I have to say I was insulted.

Then I moved to North Carolina & after a couple years I watched the movie again & was amazed that Minnesotans do talk like that.

 

I hate 4-way stop signs. Minnesotans wave for everyone else to go so that the line never moves.

 

A baby seals walks into the bar and the bartender asks, "What'll it be?"

The baby seal says," Anything but a Canadian Club."

 

A bear walks into the bar and the bartender says, What'll it be?'

The bear says, "I'll have a ..........................beer.

Bartender says, "Why the big pause? (paws)

 

Sure, people in LA, NYC etc have fancy $100,000 cars that only get driven on nice weekends. But in the midwest we've got $500,000 combines that only get used for a couple weeks a year!

 

they get a scratch its 1000$ or better, you just gotta go get a cheap pint of john deer green or international red, thats if a guy dont already have some left from brush painting some old work truck to make it one color or cover rust,,,,lol

 

I ain't been out of the south much, but heres the truth about us!!

If you are going to live, or visit in the South, you need to know the rules. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. The red dirt - it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color don't wash your car for a couple weeks - it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for - bait.

7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

8. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened - add a lot of water.

11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

12. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

14. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

15. We don't do "hurry up" well.

16. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

17. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

18. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 75 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

19. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

20. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

21. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

22. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

23. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

24. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

25. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature - all four of them - enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

 

so...two guys are walking into a bar



one ducks


lol


typical friday night at the bar or play on words?

 

A dog limps into the bar. The bartender asks, "Can I help you?" The dog says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." (pa)

 

Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo? "Just a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink Ill just take da bus."

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."

Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?" "No," said Sven, "It's because you're NINETEEN."

Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," said Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely, he grumbled: "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!

Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July. The directions on the can said "put on two coats".

Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are vorking". Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."

 

A Minnesotan joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."