Police Report

[shorebird]

The mysterious vanishing Mr Bore Excerpt from police file #220-108-5. Mr Robert 'Blunder' Bore reported missing by wife on 7th April 2005. Transcribed from tape of interview with Mrs Jane Bore conducted by Detective Inspector Jones, 8th April 2005. DI Jones: Now, Mrs Bore, why don't you tell me what happened? Mrs Bore: You won't believe me. No one does. But it did really happen. I'm not mad. DI Jones: What really happened, Mrs Bore? Mrs Bore: Well, it all started a couple of weeks ago. Blunder was out, when a tiny little man, only about this high- DI Jones: That's about ten inches? Mrs Bore: Yeah, something like that. Well, he climbed in through the window. I was so surprised I just stood there and stared at him. I don't think he saw me at first - he was so little I must have just looked like part of the furniture or something. He jumped in through the window, and landed on the kitchen counter, and he was looking at the bowl with the loose change in it, when he realised I was there. He looked terrified, poor thing. DI Jones: Yes? Mrs Bore: So I said "Hello", and he said "Hello" back. And I said "Can I help you?" I know it sounds silly, but what would you say if a miniature man climbed in your kitchen window? [Coughing sounds on tape] Mrs Bore: And he told me this story, about a cow and some magic beans and a beanstalk, and how his mother was going to kill him unless he came home with something useful. And he kept looking at the coins. They were only coppers, but they were huge to him, so I said he could take some if that would help, and I made him a sort of backpack to carry them in, out of a hankie. [Pause] Mrs Bore: Don't look at me like that. I know what it sounds like, I'm not stupid. DI Jones: Sorry. Go on. Mrs Bore: Well, we were just tying the backpack on, when Blunder got home. He, the little man, suddenly got really scared - he thought I was going to get into trouble for giving him the money, as if we'd miss ten pence, so he climbed back out of the window and ran away. DI Jones: And did you tell your husband what had happened? Mrs Bore: Well, I wasn't sure if I'd imagined it, you know, so I didn't. And he wouldn't have believed me anyway. DI Jones: Did you tell anyone? Mrs Bore: No. What would I have said? "A tiny man came into my house, told me a sob story about some beans and a cow and ran off with ten pence"? [Sounds of laughing or crying. Unclear which.] DI Jones: Yes, well. So that was the first time you, um, saw him? [Pause] DI Jones: When was the second? Mrs Bore: It was just after Easter. I know because we had one of those mini-egg dispenser things on the counter - you know, the chicken-shaped things, you press it and it lays a chocolate egg wrapped in foil? DI Jones: Uh huh? Mrs Bore: So, he came in through the window the same way as before, and he landed right next to the egg dispenser. I don't think he knew what it was - he sort of jumped away from it and stood watching it as if he expected it to move. So I went over and told him it wouldn't hurt him, and showed him how it works, and he started acting really strangely. [Pause] Mrs Bore: He said he'd spent all the money I'd given him before, and his mum said he had to come back and get something else or they'd starve, and he asked if he could have one of the eggs. He thought they were golden eggs, because of the foil, and... well, I suppose I should have told him they were just chocolate, but I think part of me still thought I was imagining him, so I didn't. DI Jones: And what happened then? Mrs Bore: I said he could have the whole thing, chicken and eggs, the lot. He said thank you - he was really grateful - and he tied some string - rope to him, really - round it and dragged it off. DI Jones: And did you tell anyone this time? Mrs Bore: I told Blunder, and he didn't believe me. I knew he wouldn't. I wouldn't have believed me. He thought I'd dreamt it or something... [Sounds of crying] DI Jones: And the [cough] little man visited you again? Mrs Bore: Yes, on Wednesday- DI Jones: That's Wednesday just gone, the 6th of April? Mrs Bore: Yes. We were both in this time, and the first we realised was when the radio came on in the kitchen. I went in to see what had happened, and I saw the little man disappearing out of the window, pulling the radio behind him on a bit of string. DI Jones: The radio? Mrs Bore: Yes. It was one of those novelty ones, shaped like a harp, all shiny. He probably thought it was gold. DI Jones: What did you do? Mrs Bore: I called to Blunder to come and see, and the little man heard me, and sort of dropped out of the window and started running. We followed him, but we had to go out of the door and round the house, so he was almost across the garden by the time we were outside, and he ran to the end of the garden and then disappeared. [Sounds of crying] DI Jones: Disappeared? Mrs Bore: That's what it looked like. When we got to the place he'd vanished, there was a sort of hole in the garden, with this plant growing up through it- DI Jones: A hole? Mrs Bore: Yes. Just a hole that went down further than we could see, with a plant in the middle. DI Jones: How big was the hole? [Pause] DI Jones: About a yard? Mrs Bore: I suppose so. We could see the little man climbing down the plant. I couldn't see the radio - I suppose he'd dropped it down the hole. DI Jones: Where did the hole go? Mrs Bore: I told you, it went down further than we could see. It was light at the bottom, though. DI Jones: Uh huh. Mrs Bore: So Blunder started climbing down after him, and I shouted to him to be careful, but I don't know if he heard me, and I just stood there watching until I couldn't see the little man any more, and I wasn't even sure if I could still see Blunder, and then the plant started shaking. DI Jones: Shaking? Mrs Bore: Yes. It started shaking, and I shouted to Blunder, but I don't know if he heard me because I didn't hear him shout anything back, and then the plant just sort of dropped down the hole. DI Jones: What do you mean? Mrs Bore: It just fell, as if nothing was holding it up any more. [Sounds of crying] DI Jones: And what happened to your husband? Mrs Bore: I don't know. [Next words unclear through crying] [Pause. More crying.] Mrs Bore: Sorry. I'm OK now. DI Jones: Then what happened? Mrs Bore: Nothing. I sat and waited at the hole, but Blunder didn't come back up. I didn't know what to do. I waited till it was dark, and then I went inside and started making the dinner. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I didn't know what else to do. I thought... I thought I'd imagined it, and he'd come in the door any second. DI Jones: But he didn't? Mrs Bore: No. [Pause] Mrs Bore: The dinner started getting cold, so I ate mine, and I watched some TV- DI Jones: What did you watch? Mrs Bore: I don't know. I don't think I was really paying attention. A reality show maybe? One of those ones with people in a house? I'm not sure. DI Jones: And then what? Mrs Bore: I went to bed. And when I woke up, I thought it had all been a dream, till I rolled over and Blunder wasn't there. And I thought maybe he'd got up early or something, but he wasn't anywhere in the house. And then I went to the bottom of the garden, but the hole wasn't there either. DI Jones: What about the radio? Mrs Bore: Gone. That's how I knew I hadn't imagined it. The radio wasn't there. DI Jones: That was the last time you saw your husband? Climbing down the hole? Mrs Bore: Yes. [Tape ends] Handwritten at the bottom of the sheet of paper is the following note: Robert Bore's body never found. Jane Bore held in secure mental hospital until fit to stand trial for the murder of her husband.

[stu37d]

OK, I was waiting for the punch line. Where did this take place?

[Deluxe05]

I think more than a few of us will be/were waiting for the punch line. If this is part of an actual police file, it would definitely fall into the "sometimes real life is stranger than fiction" category.

[shorebird]

Would it help if I told you the little guy's name is Jack?

[FTE Herman]

Five minutes of life I'll never get back.

[petes79f150]

^^^^What Herm said. BTW, Did it really take you five minutes to read that?


Pete

[cmpd1781]

I get the 'Jack-In-The-Beanstalk' aspect of the whole story......But like the others, I'm waiting for the punchline.......

BTW...Took me 6 minutes to read......(haha)

[hoosierbaby64]

I need some serious medication because i read it twice to see if I was to lame to understand what i read the first time. I now feel uber lame. I think I will go sit in a corner and just rock back and forth and drool.

[cmpd1781]

I think you are like the rest of us here, HB.....

'Jack-In-The-Beanstalk' told from the side of the giant? As a police report?

Apparently shorebird got it and wanted to 'share' it......

[stu37d]

Originally Posted by hoosierbaby64

I need some serious medication because i read it twice to see if I was to lame to understand what i read the first time. I now feel uber lame. I think I will go sit in a corner and just rock back and forth and drool.

That is not only rep worthy (the gods aren't smiling on me today, HB), it's sig worthy as well!!

[shorebird]

I'm sorry HB.

[FTE Herman]

Originally Posted by petes79f150

^^^^What Herm said. BTW, Did it really take you five minutes to read that?


Pete

Yes. Contrary to the norm, I did not skip to the end as I was expecting it would be a funny and worthwhile read.

[cmpd1781]

Do we have a 'Razz' award for threads?

Shorebird! You WON!!!

[shorebird]

Originally Posted by cmpd1781

Do we have a 'Razz' award for threads?

Shorebird! You WON!!!

Is that a good thing?

[Snowbunny]

Someone has to win!! Congrats, Shorebird!