Hey FTE, this is off topic, but most of you are already aware of it. You already know, June 24, 06 was the day my mom was killed in a car wreck. Hard to believe, it's been almost three years. You were, are , and always will be the best friends a guy on tough times could ever ask for. I'm doing tons better. My dad is slowly trying to move on. We have a for sure court date in January 2010 for the jury hearing over the insurance. Of all the people that day on the road, it was an early retired millionairess that caused it. So, heres the thing. My daughter......she's 7, 8 in August. She is stuck on it, and we are at a loss as to try and get her past it. If something doesn't go her way, it's "grandma Teri this, grandma Teri that." I don't know what to do, and don't want her to yhold this hurt inside for ever. Any thoughts, or ideas, by all means. We've already tried the counseling programs through the school, and enrolled all the kids in after school programs to try and build their social skills and relationships. We even enrolled them in a church related kids program. Nothing seems to work.

 

Well, I'm no expert but it sounds like she needs some kind of closure. I think that a lot of counselors treat kids like they are totally incapable of understanding death, and won't let them simply cry and say goodbye like we adults do.

My Dad died from pancreatic cancer in April, and explaining to my 3 1/2 year old that he won't see Grandpa anymore was very hard for me. So, I know a little bit of what it must be like for you. I would say try a different counselor and get with a good pastor to assist you in this. Also, I will pray for you and your daughter that you will all get through this and move on to happier times. God Bless, -Steve

 

Thanks Steve. I'll be doing some other checking around too. I'm not a church goer my self, as I personally believe in many religions. I will, however, do some checking with some of the local church groups, and I will be happy to go with her if it makes a difference to her.

 

my advice is enroll her in a christian church sunday school. She will make new freinds and Good LORD willing will move forward in life. The Bible States that you are the spiritual leader of your family, and in my opinion, It is up to you to go to Church with her. you must set the example. Pray to the LORD JESUS CHRIST. As will I, and comfort WILL come to your family Just my humble opinion GOD BLESS

 

TIME is the great healer. She is young and resilient and I believe that she will get through it in HER OWN TIME. Let her talk about Grama Teri 'til she's done.

 

I have a close friend for over 20 years in our car club who’s son was killed in a car crash (probably his doing) 10 years ago and my friends wife has never got over it. It is always about him and it has caused them to lose most of their friends and is not a good thing so I agree that you have to do something.

The something that came to my mind is maybe outside of the box, but for whatever its worth, I think she needs a “temporary replacement grandma” an aunt or older female friend who can be her best friend who is not her mother, because the Grandmother relationship is different and special. They could do special things together and hopefully, with enough time, the pain and the need to use “grandma Teri” when things doesn't go her way will fade.

 

Thanks guys for the help. Lots of good ideas, and advice. Thanks a bunch for the input. I suppose, I will try and make a mix of these ideas, and hopefully she can open up, and then maybe let us know what it is she is needing.

 

Joe,

Lots of good input spiritually...for 13 yrs I worked with children throught the school district and more recently the last seven years worked with children experiencing emotional trama...either due to neglect, abuse both verbal and sexual, death. These are all extreme cases however, your child is responding to her circumstances in a similar manner. Its called separation anxiety...alot of the time sitting down with her, having her write out memories, things she loved about her grandmother, basic journaling everytime she starts having memories and thoughts...then during times when it really difficult, she can go back an read what she previously worte down...This process will help with keeping grandma alive through memories while closing and moving from a phsyical past...as stated before, Our Lord Jesus Christ, is the healer of all wounds no matter how deep...regards

 

Joe, I'm shoulder to shoulder with my Christian bretheren on this topic and life in whole. I also agree with the suggestion to seek another couneslor that "gets it." I was a kid about her age when a similar circumstance directly affected our family. I remember my mom getting me counseling, a move that, as I look back, I realize how well it prepared me not only for dealing with the immediate situation, but many many more thru the years. Mine was a faith-based counselor which I would adamantly encourage you to find for her and you guys too.
JML
John 14:6 NIV • Read this chapter
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.