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Woman: Oh. How do you do?
King Tom: How do you do, good lady? I am Tom, King of the FTE Washington Chapter. Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
King Tom: King of the FTE Washington Chapter.
Woman: Who are the FTE Washington Chapter?
King Tom: Well, we all are. We are all FTEs. And I am your king.
Woman: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You're foolin' yourself! We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class...
Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Dennis: Well, that's what it's all about! If only people would...
King Tom: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
King Tom: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don't have a lord.
Dennis: I told you, we're an anarco-sydicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week...
King Tom: Yes...
Dennis: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...
King Tom: Yes I see...
Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...
King Tom: Be quiet!
Dennis: ...but by a two thirds majority in the case of...
King Tom: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
King Tom: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Tom: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays... ]
King Tom: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Tom, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Caseys: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me.
All: And me. And me too. And me.
Caseys: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.
King Tom: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Forum Posters.
[the Forum Posters don't respond]
King Tom: I am Tom, King of the FTE Washington Chapter.
King Tom: I seek the bravest and the finest forum posters in the land who will join me in my court at Washington Chapter.
King Tom: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
King Tom: You make me sad. So be it.
Tim: Follow. But. Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this forum is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
King Tom: What an eccentric performance.
Sir Galahad: What a strange person.
Bridgekeeper: Get on with it.
Tim: Yes! Get on with it!
Forum Posters: Get on with it!
Caseys: Oh, thank you, thank you!
Narrator: A year passed: winter changed into spring, spring changed into summer, summer changed back into winter, and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn... until one day...
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