Well now folks it's been a while since I've posted. Forgive me my friends..life is hectic at present. Anyways..on to today story! See...a few days ago some fellers stopped by and offered to haul away all that junk I have laying down yonder by the garage. They's "salvagers"..they pick up any&all recyclable material..for FREE! And haul it away! Now being the frugal man I am this seemed like an excellent oppertunity to clean out my garage....makes them happy and puts a big ole grin on my face!! I don't have to pay for a dumpster and sort junk for the landfill....excellent! Folks...I been rat-packing junk in this garage for 25+ years..they had NO idea what they was gittin' involved in!! We started this on Thurs. of last week. I've had a fire burning continuously since then and they've been hauling loads out non-stop!! Old mowers, tillers, snow-blowers, batteries,pipe,wire, tires, rims, buckets of nuts/bolts/screws....etc. etc. etc.!! Non-stop! They haul away any recyclables....I torch the rest. Simple and easy. Now on to the humorous (????) of this story! Snakes....and other creepy-crawlies. More to come..Audie..the Oldfart!

 

Ahhhh yes....creepy-crawlies. Folks...I don't mind snakes...long as I know they're there. Mind ye I don't fear snakes..they have a job to do and like I said..as long as I know they're there..no problem. Now creepy-crawlies...'specially spiders...I don't like. Even when I know they are present! I've seen the damage the Brown Recluse spider can do!! (Not uncommon in s.c. Pa. by the way!) Often times the bite goes un-noticed...just a slight itch with a welt..and then the skin rots away days later...along with the surrounding muscle tissue. In the end the affected area looks like a 3rd. degree burn. Brrrr...! And ticks...Lyme Disease is prevelent here as well. And don't count on seeing a "bulls-eye" to warn ye. Sometimes it sneaks up on ye years later with aching joints and all the signs of arthritus...but much worse. Two of The Yankees that come here to Greencastle every year to hunt rabbits in Nov. have delt with this problem. Anyways...I found the resident black-snake down yonder in the garage. Eyeball-to-eyeball! And he is huge! Like about "his head is the size of my butt..huge!" I mean "anaconda size make me run out of the garage... soil my pants..huge!" Folks...I mean enourmousley huge!! We met....I exited the building..he won. Hands down he's the biggest black-snake I've ever seen and I've seen some that stretch from white-line to white-line on these back roads. Now after I regained my composuer..and strapped on the Kahr CW40 and my sidekick the old Mossberg 20ga. with 2 1/2in. magnums in the tube..., the 1911 .45ACP and the Beretta for back-up...I went back down to the garage. I do not fear him...he eats mice and rats..and I presume anything under 200lbs....and I have no intent to harm him. Long as he keeps his distance. Ahhh..yes..one last post! Audie..the trembling Oldfart...

 

I am Rambo...Sylvester Stallone...dressed to the hilt...weapons dangling everywhere...a bandolier of shotgun shells draped across my rotund girth...I can hold about 300rds. of shot-shells...I have a most ample girth. It looks like a Christmas ornamente draped o'er my buldging chest. (yeah...right...) Boo-Koo gobs of ordinance! The Kahr is in my trembling hands..not that I'd use it... but just in case!! And 3 clips of hollow points.....and 1 of FMJ...juuusssst in case! Tucked into my Miami-Vice side-draw holster is a pristine ca.1913 Springfield 1911 .45A.C.P. (Thank you Dad!) with 3 full clips!! The ancient Mossburg feels good....hardwood stock..none of that namby-pamby plastic junk! Of course I know as soon as I rip the trigger these magnum loads are going to bloody my nose and give me migranes for a week...who cares? Anyways...snuck down to the garage..THE SNAKE is gone. GOOD! On to my work hauling out all the junk of 25+ years of pack-ratting!! And then..it happened! Hunkered down in a corner...nowhere to run..nowhere to turn...I felt the steel fangs!! O.K....one more post. Audie...the Oldfart..

 

Gents...how many of ya'll have ever gone in for a colonostomy? (possible spelling error..) Yeah...if yer over age 50 you should. Just do it and don't ask questions. Now, if you've "been there..done that" you know one of the requirements is to take some of that medicine that cleanses the bowels..to make the inspected area...ummmm..."open to inspection." Let me share with ye another situation that will do the very same thing without any medications whatsoever! Crouch down in a corner of your garage..shortly after seeing a huge snake...and have a feral cat sneak up behind ye and just touch ye with a front claw. Mind ye..it don't take a full paw full'a claws! All it takes is a single claw..well planted.... in a hyper-excited frame of mind. And if yer bended over and the crek-of-yer-behind is exposed like a plumber...more's the merrier! If said feral cat purrs just at the time of contact..there is no need for Fleets! Total evacuation is gar-an-teed! Bad day for the cat...sorry about that Fearless T. Maines! (wurfless feral cat..) On the upside..fired over 200rds. and didn't hit a damn thing! Audie..the Oldfart....

 

Thanks for the laughs but only 200rds and nothing was dead lol. Just be glad it was a black snake and not a rattle or copperhead.

 

That was a good one.

 

Thanks for the chuckles . Lost

 

Just wondering, Audie.....What does that Brown Recluse Spider look like? I HATE all spiders, but Lost and I have some really strange looking brown spiders in our yard and basement. Thanks from Mrs. Lost! By the way, love your stories. They are always great!

 

WAGH!! My friend... I figger I should'a been a cop instead of a baker with my shootin' ability! HAW!HAW!HAW! I just heard there's a video on you-tube where the police fired that many rounds at a black bear and only hit it 5 times! Hmm..then there's the one where the NYPD fired 40rds. at a man reaching for his wallet and they only connected 7 (?) times???? And I know the officer in Chambersburg (Chris) who unloaded 14rds. at some irate citizen sitting in a chair 15ft. away (he..the citizen.. was wheelchair-bound so he couldn't run) and missed him! Seems the citizen was irate and plinking at local passers-bye with a .22 rifle. Now don't take me wrong. When adreniline hits the system and a s++tstorm falls on ye full force...there is no one uneffected by it. I come unglued when a fat doe walks within' range!! To the point of dropping guns and falling (walking actually...) out of treestands high above the ground!! Honest! HAW!HAW!HAW! Audie..the excitable Oldfart..

 

Lost try Googling up "Brown recluse spider"..be sure and put in in brackets just like I did and see what ye find. I'm too dumb to know how to post pictures in here. Also Pa. is home to the Southern Black Widow (go figger..in Yankee territory..) and the Wolf Spider...which is also venemous. Generally speaking all these spiders only cause minor problems. But, if yer succeptable to the venom..just as some are to bee-stings..it might be a problem. The Brown Recluse is particulary nasty on account of the long term effects of a bite. In short the area of the bite develops a blister...which spreads...and then the surrounding tissue developes a gangrene-like stage and rots away. All this might take up to a year and the effected area looks like someone took a torch and burned the skin and muscle tissue away. Mebbe someone here can post a link to "identification of poisonous spiders in Pa." ..eh? Now one final warning..when ye Google something..be sure and use them little ("...") brackets. If ye don't, you'll get anything pertaining to your search. For example Google will look for anything to do with Brown.....Recluse...and Spider. Not just the "Brown Recluse Spider." Lost... you wouldn't believe what pops up!! Disgrustin'!!! Audie..the Oldfart....

 

Audie
You really do make us laugh it is great. Some one should teach the cops to aim before pulling the trigger just a thought.

 

Folks just so no one gets the wrong idea...I'm not making fun of our law enforcement officers nor their shooting ability. Yup...I do make light of it...been there..done that....couldn't believe I missed that shot. (Only at game critters thank God.) But I am close with some folks in harms way and I love them and respect them above most. I just didn't want this post to get mis-interpreted as being dis-respectful. No one who has never been on the recieving end of un-friendly fire will ever understand what all goes thru a mans/womans mind and how all that training goes to hell abrubtly. Shootin' paper targets at a range is fine..we all need to do that. And our local police are better trained than most I will say! But up close and personal..things change rapidly and it's scary fast. The same goes for our men/women in the military. I couldn't do their job...nither' could most folks. 'Nuff said. Audie..the respectful Oldfart...

 

Well your correct were out of the Barney Fife days but in some small areas law enforcement officials are still elected and not hired by there training levels. As to the picking on people law or millitary I'm not and I know your not. Were just B/Sing.

 

hahahahahaha...your pretty funny oldfart,should publish your stories.Id buy them !!!As far as snakes go,I start to shake if I think there could be one close by,so I can only imagine having one in the garage.Glad it left and I can just picture that cat and how you must have reacted...HAHAHA

 

He does have a way with words Monica, Tell the others up North to come visit us in Pa. and enjoy some of Audies tales.

Audie, I have been at the range when some of our law officers from federal, state and local come in to qualify. I do have the utmost respect for them and the job they have to do, just a little nervous about some of their shooting abilities. But, as you stated, we're not in an adrenaline pumping situation when we're plinking paper at the range.