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  #1  
Old 07-12-2008, 01:03 PM
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AzBlueWolf AzBlueWolf is offline
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HaHa!

Three women (one engaged, one a mistress, one married) are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.

That night all three would wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman:

"The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long."


The mistress:

"Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night."


The married woman:

"I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

Click the image to open in full size.

Mark
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  #2  
Old 07-12-2008, 01:07 PM
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We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why you in the u.s. are even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a b**** who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer running against a lawyer who is married to a b**** who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a war hero married to a good looking woman who owns a beer distributorship.

No contest.

Mark
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  #3  
Old 07-12-2008, 01:14 PM
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Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report, With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

Titanic :..... Cost - $29.99
Clinton :..... Cost - $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :.... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:...... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :..... Bill is a bull**** artist.

Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :... Ditt o for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clint :....... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:.... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton :..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton :.... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton :..... Monica.. ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing

His professor gave him an A for this report.

Mark
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Old 07-12-2008, 01:16 PM
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A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant . If they're in the mud, they're not."

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week.

The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."

Mark
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  #5  
Old 07-12-2008, 04:57 PM
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Good reading, Mark. Your on it here.

Craig
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  #6  
Old 07-13-2008, 12:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AzBlueWolf View Post
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant . If they're in the mud, they're not."

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week.

The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."

Mark
Mark.....I've heard this one before, and I think ya forgot the punch line! It was supposed to end with the wife saying "neither honey.....they are in the truck waiting on you"
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  #7  
Old 07-13-2008, 12:13 AM
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AzBlueWolf AzBlueWolf is offline
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oh damn it didnt all paste....the punch line is...

neither,they are all in the station wagon, and one is beeping the horn!


Mark
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  #8  
Old 07-13-2008, 12:15 AM
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UP_There UP_There is offline
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See......I knew I hadn't lost my mind YET
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  #9  
Old 07-13-2008, 12:18 AM
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AzBlueWolf AzBlueWolf is offline
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its too late to edit the post

Mark
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  #10  
Old 07-13-2008, 12:53 AM
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Very Funny! Mark!

I just found my limit! 2 shots and 2 beers! just for the heck of it i opened #3
What a Stressful day!
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Old 07-13-2008, 01:10 AM
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Funny jokes Mark!!!!

Sounds like your having a goodnight Bill!
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01 F-350 lariat 4x4, cc lb, 6.5" lift, 37's, WW, lateral traction bars, zoodad, mag-hytec rear diff/trans pan, 4" turbo back exhaust, SCT X3 with 80E from DP, guages, foil delete, 6637 w/ cover (Thanks Pete), Bilsteins
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Old 07-13-2008, 01:15 AM
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After geetting MOONED on the Hwy by some Jerk in a Dodge 4X4! He kept hogging the Yellow! Soooo I pissed him off! lol
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Old 07-13-2008, 01:17 AM
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I cant believe you were mooned
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01 F-350 lariat 4x4, cc lb, 6.5" lift, 37's, WW, lateral traction bars, zoodad, mag-hytec rear diff/trans pan, 4" turbo back exhaust, SCT X3 with 80E from DP, guages, foil delete, 6637 w/ cover (Thanks Pete), Bilsteins
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Old 07-13-2008, 01:18 AM
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THATS NOT FUNNY!!! ok yes it is lol
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Old 07-13-2008, 01:19 AM
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So any ideas on what I should change my "elder user" tag to????
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01 F-350 lariat 4x4, cc lb, 6.5" lift, 37's, WW, lateral traction bars, zoodad, mag-hytec rear diff/trans pan, 4" turbo back exhaust, SCT X3 with 80E from DP, guages, foil delete, 6637 w/ cover (Thanks Pete), Bilsteins
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Old 07-13-2008, 01:19 AM
 
 
 
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