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Three women (one engaged, one a mistress, one married) are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.
That night all three would wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet up for lunch.
The engaged woman:
"The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long."
The mistress:
"Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night."
The married woman:
"I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report, With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
Titanic :..... Cost - $29.99
Clinton :..... Cost - $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :.... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:...... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :..... Bill is a bull**** artist.
Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :... Ditt o for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clint :....... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:.... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton :..... Let's not go there.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton :.... Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton :..... Monica.. ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant . If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week.
The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant . If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week.
The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
Mark
Mark.....I've heard this one before, and I think ya forgot the punch line! It was supposed to end with the wife saying "neither honey.....they are in the truck waiting on you"
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2000 F250 Crew Cab with a few goodies
