MD's Most Frivolous posts Part 1
#32
09-02-2009, 07:23 PM
I thought this was a good one.....
In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility,
all aircraft in the Persian Gulf are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and
points of origin and destination.
A friend just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF
Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Iraq
The conversation went like this...
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)
In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility,
all aircraft in the Persian Gulf are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and
points of origin and destination.
A friend just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF
Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Iraq
The conversation went like this...
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)
#33
09-03-2009, 09:57 PM
I thought this was a good one.....
In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility,
all aircraft in the Persian Gulf are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and
points of origin and destination.
A friend just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF
Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Iraq
The conversation went like this...
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)
In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility,
all aircraft in the Persian Gulf are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and
points of origin and destination.
A friend just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF
Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Iraq
The conversation went like this...
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)
I'll see what can come up with
#34
09-03-2009, 10:05 PM
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A RHODE ISLAND Trooper walked to her car window, flipped open his ticket book. She said, 'I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball. He replied, "RHODE ISLAND STATE TROOPERS don't have *****." There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
#35
09-03-2009, 10:08 PM
A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.
'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked.
'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.'
'Well,' said the rancher, 'Is yer Mother here?'
'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'
'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'
No sir, 'He went with Mom and Dad.'
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely 'I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.'
'Well,' said the rancher uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.'
The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that', he finally conceded. 'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard.'
'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked.
'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.'
'Well,' said the rancher, 'Is yer Mother here?'
'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'
'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'
No sir, 'He went with Mom and Dad.'
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely 'I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.'
'Well,' said the rancher uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.'
The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that', he finally conceded. 'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard.'
#36
09-03-2009, 10:10 PM
The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot..
'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.
'I can't do the gas thing The thought of having the gas mask on is
suffocating me!'
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a
pill. 'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you
something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.
'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.
'I can't do the gas thing The thought of having the gas mask on is
suffocating me!'
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a
pill. 'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you
something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.
#37
09-03-2009, 10:31 PM
Contestant, Sally, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's 2 easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
"That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
Sally fainted.
And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's 2 easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
"That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
Sally fainted.
#38
09-03-2009, 10:35 PM
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as:
NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:
Cooking 3..0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7
Good Luck Babe!
< /B>Tech Support
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as:
NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:
Cooking 3..0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7
Good Luck Babe!
< /B>Tech Support
#39
09-07-2009, 03:26 PM
FTE Legend
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In my own world
Posts: 56,542
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My wife sat down on the couch next to
me as I was flipping channels.
>
>
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
> I said,
'Dust.'
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in
bed..
>
>
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> "No," she
answered.
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't
even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> So I said, "Then I'd
like to phone a friend."
>
>
And then the fight started....
>
>
******************************************
>
>
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all
day.
>
>
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I
cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
>
>
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out
fishing in that?"
>
>
And that's how the fight started....
>
>
******************************************
>
>
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... He was a
> DWARF!!!
>
>
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!"
>
>
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are
you?"
>
>
And then the fight started.....
>
>
*****************************************
>
>
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
>
>
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
>
>
I bought her a scale.
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive....
> so, I took her to a gas
station...
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
>
>
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security
application
>
>
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
>
>
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
>
>
And then the fight started....
>
>
******************************************
>
>
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
>
>
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>
>
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.'
>
>
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?'
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> He
said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
> "Nah, she can order for
herself."
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly.
> I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
>
>
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
>
>
And then the fight started.....
>
>
me as I was flipping channels.
>
>
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
> I said,
'Dust.'
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in
bed..
>
>
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> "No," she
answered.
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't
even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> So I said, "Then I'd
like to phone a friend."
>
>
And then the fight started....
>
>
******************************************
>
>
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all
day.
>
>
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I
cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
>
>
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out
fishing in that?"
>
>
And that's how the fight started....
>
>
******************************************
>
>
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... He was a
> DWARF!!!
>
>
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!"
>
>
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are
you?"
>
>
And then the fight started.....
>
>
*****************************************
>
>
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
>
>
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
>
>
I bought her a scale.
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive....
> so, I took her to a gas
station...
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
>
>
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security
application
>
>
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
>
>
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
>
>
And then the fight started....
>
>
******************************************
>
>
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
>
>
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>
>
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.'
>
>
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?'
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> He
said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
> "Nah, she can order for
herself."
>
>
And then the fight started...
>
>
******************************************
>
>
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly.
> I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
>
>
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
>
>
And then the fight started.....
>
>
#41
09-07-2009, 04:00 PM
FTE Legend
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In my own world
Posts: 56,542
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
#42
09-10-2009, 08:24 PM
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say....'
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say....'
#43
12-04-2009, 06:08 PM
FTE Legend
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In my own world
Posts: 56,542
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
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0 Posts
2 rednecks named Jr and bud were driveing down the road haveing a few Bud lights, when Bud spotted the police sobrioty checkpoint ahead. Jr said just finish your beer, and do what I do. With that he downed the beer, and pealed the label off the bottle, and plastered it on his forehead. Bud, haveing no idea what Jr was up to, downed his beer. and peels the label, and plasters it to his forehead. When Jr was stopped by the officer, the officer said "I smell beer, have you 2 been drinking"? Jr's responce was " no sir, we're on the patch" 
#44
12-04-2009, 07:32 PM
Posting Guru
A man walks out in the street and catches a cab going by. He gets in the cab, and the driver says "perfect timing", you're just like Frank.
Passenger: Who?
Driver: Frank Feldman, He did everything right all the time, like my coming along when you needed a cab, Things like that happened to him every single time.
Passenger: Everybody has a few clouds over them at some time.
Driver: Not Frank Feldman, He was a terrific athelete, ha could've won the grand slam at tennis, could've golf with the pros. He could sing like a opera baritone, dance like a broadway star, you should've heard him play the piano, he was a amazing guy.
Passenger: Sounds like he was really something special.
Driver: Theres more, he had the mind of a computer, remebered everybodys birthday, knew all about wine what food to order. what fork to eat it with. He could fix everything, not like me, I change a fuse and the nieghborhood goes dark, But Frank Feldman could do anything right.
Passenger: Wow, some guy!
Driver: He always knew the quickest way in traffic and avoid traffic jams. not like me, I always get stuck in them, But Frank..he never made a mistake, always knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. Never answer back even if she was wrong. His clothes were always immaculate, shoes always polished, He was the perfect man and never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.
Passenger: Amazing fellow, how did you meet him?
Driver:Well I never met Frank...he died..I'm married to his f.... widow.
Charlie
Passenger: Who?
Driver: Frank Feldman, He did everything right all the time, like my coming along when you needed a cab, Things like that happened to him every single time.
Passenger: Everybody has a few clouds over them at some time.
Driver: Not Frank Feldman, He was a terrific athelete, ha could've won the grand slam at tennis, could've golf with the pros. He could sing like a opera baritone, dance like a broadway star, you should've heard him play the piano, he was a amazing guy.
Passenger: Sounds like he was really something special.
Driver: Theres more, he had the mind of a computer, remebered everybodys birthday, knew all about wine what food to order. what fork to eat it with. He could fix everything, not like me, I change a fuse and the nieghborhood goes dark, But Frank Feldman could do anything right.
Passenger: Wow, some guy!
Driver: He always knew the quickest way in traffic and avoid traffic jams. not like me, I always get stuck in them, But Frank..he never made a mistake, always knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. Never answer back even if she was wrong. His clothes were always immaculate, shoes always polished, He was the perfect man and never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.
Passenger: Amazing fellow, how did you meet him?
Driver:Well I never met Frank...he died..I'm married to his f.... widow.
Charlie
#45
12-04-2009, 08:50 PM
A man walks out in the street and catches a cab going by. He gets in the cab, and the driver says "perfect timing", you're just like Frank.
Passenger: Who?
Driver: Frank Feldman, He did everything right all the time, like my coming along when you needed a cab, Things like that happened to him every single time.
Passenger: Everybody has a few clouds over them at some time.
Driver: Not Frank Feldman, He was a terrific athelete, ha could've won the grand slam at tennis, could've golf with the pros. He could sing like a opera baritone, dance like a broadway star, you should've heard him play the piano, he was a amazing guy.
Passenger: Sounds like he was really something special.
Driver: Theres more, he had the mind of a computer, remebered everybodys birthday, knew all about wine what food to order. what fork to eat it with. He could fix everything, not like me, I change a fuse and the nieghborhood goes dark, But Frank Feldman could do anything right.
Passenger: Wow, some guy!
Driver: He always knew the quickest way in traffic and avoid traffic jams. not like me, I always get stuck in them, But Frank..he never made a mistake, always knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. Never answer back even if she was wrong. His clothes were always immaculate, shoes always polished, He was the perfect man and never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.
Passenger: Amazing fellow, how did you meet him?
Driver:Well I never met Frank...he died..I'm married to his f.... widow.
Charlie
Passenger: Who?
Driver: Frank Feldman, He did everything right all the time, like my coming along when you needed a cab, Things like that happened to him every single time.
Passenger: Everybody has a few clouds over them at some time.
Driver: Not Frank Feldman, He was a terrific athelete, ha could've won the grand slam at tennis, could've golf with the pros. He could sing like a opera baritone, dance like a broadway star, you should've heard him play the piano, he was a amazing guy.
Passenger: Sounds like he was really something special.
Driver: Theres more, he had the mind of a computer, remebered everybodys birthday, knew all about wine what food to order. what fork to eat it with. He could fix everything, not like me, I change a fuse and the nieghborhood goes dark, But Frank Feldman could do anything right.
Passenger: Wow, some guy!
Driver: He always knew the quickest way in traffic and avoid traffic jams. not like me, I always get stuck in them, But Frank..he never made a mistake, always knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. Never answer back even if she was wrong. His clothes were always immaculate, shoes always polished, He was the perfect man and never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.
Passenger: Amazing fellow, how did you meet him?
Driver:Well I never met Frank...he died..I'm married to his f.... widow.
Charlie
