Didn't call me. You must have dialed the wrong number.......again! lol

 

Yaaaaaaaaa I did but you called the wrong number back that, I was not at....LOL

 

That was great Brian....LOL LOL

 

Hello Barry and how is life treating you lately?? Snowing here again Yes Yes

 

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

* Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?




* Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are




* Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas



* Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me


* Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and
Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks
and Trees and.....




* Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me




* Borderline Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm
Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why




* Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooooh look
at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

 

Good story .......You hope that it's true.....
Guess you have to believe in Santa Claus.

Oh crap,,,that one was so long and mushy I had to delete it! lol
Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho ho ho ho ho ho hahahahahahahahahahaha

 

merry christmas george!!
Dan

 

Thanks Dan and a very merry Christmas to you my friend.

 

You ok Phil?????

onesixeightfourtogo

 

hahahahaha yeah,,,,lol. I'll see if I can dig it up and send it to you in email,,,,it's way to long hahahahaha

 

Got it, BTW congrats on your oneeighthoho post ya ho

 

Thanks,,,I thought you were sleeping there for a minuet,,hahaha

 

OMG Dan! Are you OK? Tell me you are not sick? That was the shortest, least perverted, sanest, most normal kind of post I have ever seen from you hombre!!! I'm in shock! Please, tell me you are OK you freaking mad man! Is this a joke?

Love you all, Merry freaking Xmas folks!!!

 

SIX AFFAIRS...



The 1st Affair


A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM . The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying *******! You've been playing golf!"!



The 2nd Affair


A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"



The 3rd Affair


A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?"




The 4th Affair


A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said!, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, "pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."



The 5th Affair


A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."




The 6th Affair


Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied, " now, just rest and let the poison work."

 

Nice Phil, nice!