The February BS thread
#122
02-07-2008, 03:30 PM
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#125
02-07-2008, 08:05 PM
Join Date: Aug 2006
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Amish Farmer:
An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.'
Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have ***** in it.'
The man shouts back: 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English.'
The Amish man says: 'Use two hands. You'll get more.'
An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.'
Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have ***** in it.'
The man shouts back: 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English.'
The Amish man says: 'Use two hands. You'll get more.'
#128
02-08-2008, 03:58 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Stanton DE
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> HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND
>
> A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches
> in Montego Bay , Jamaica . Their domestic tranquility had long been the
> talk of the town.
> People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple"
> The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their
> long and happy marriage.
> The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,"
> explained the man. "We vis ited the Grand Canyon , in Arizona , and took a
> trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far
> when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked
> down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
> "We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my
> wife quietly said, "That' s twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the
> horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver
> from her purse and shot the horse dead.
> I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the
> poor animal like that, are you crazy!?"
> She looked at ME, and quietly said,
> "That's once."
>
> A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches
> in Montego Bay , Jamaica . Their domestic tranquility had long been the
> talk of the town.
> People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple"
> The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their
> long and happy marriage.
> The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,"
> explained the man. "We vis ited the Grand Canyon , in Arizona , and took a
> trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far
> when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked
> down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
> "We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my
> wife quietly said, "That' s twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the
> horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver
> from her purse and shot the horse dead.
> I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the
> poor animal like that, are you crazy!?"
> She looked at ME, and quietly said,
> "That's once."
#129
02-08-2008, 05:54 AM
Post Fiend
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There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola,
>>> whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year
>>> Timothy was born in Ireland , Antonio was born in Italy
>>>
>>> Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten
>>> through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter
>>> the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.
>>>
>>> Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally
>>> acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a cut above Timothy Murphy in
>>> all respects.
>>>
>>> Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally
>>> Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that
>>> when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the
>>> next Pope.
>>>
>>> In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work.
>>> In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney
>>> and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.
>>>
>>> The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn
>>> that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!
>>>
>>> Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because
>>> even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was the better
>>> qualified.
>>>
>>> With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a
>>> private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?"
>>>
>>> After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered
>>> man and rose to reply. "We knew you were the better of the two, but we
>>> just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic
>>> Church being called POPE SECOLA.
>>>
>>> No groaning now! You know you're going to pass it on to Catholic and
>>> non-Catholic friends alike!
>>>
>>> whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year
>>> Timothy was born in Ireland , Antonio was born in Italy
>>>
>>> Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten
>>> through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter
>>> the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.
>>>
>>> Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally
>>> acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a cut above Timothy Murphy in
>>> all respects.
>>>
>>> Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally
>>> Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that
>>> when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the
>>> next Pope.
>>>
>>> In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work.
>>> In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney
>>> and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.
>>>
>>> The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn
>>> that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!
>>>
>>> Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because
>>> even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was the better
>>> qualified.
>>>
>>> With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a
>>> private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?"
>>>
>>> After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered
>>> man and rose to reply. "We knew you were the better of the two, but we
>>> just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic
>>> Church being called POPE SECOLA.
>>>
>>> No groaning now! You know you're going to pass it on to Catholic and
>>> non-Catholic friends alike!
>>>
#130
02-08-2008, 07:19 AM
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