Cats, waterpumps, changing oil..how hard can this be???
Aye my friends I do apoligize once more for my tardiness. But life has been busy and certainly not without it's little bits of excitement! Today is an excellent example! Didn't have to work the 2nd. job today!! HUZZAH! Time to get caught up on some work around the house! Today I snuck out of work early (6a.m...nightshift worker..) and lined up the following jobs "in order of requirement." #1..do laundry. Problem #1...well pump takes a crap and fills the washing machine fulla mud. Fiddle around with that for 1hr. and find out the problem is NOT the pump..the pressure regulator valve stuck! At about 100lbs. of pressure it pops off the valve..and blows it thru the new drywalled ceiling. Project #2...change the oil in the van. (not a Ford product by the way..) During this little venture...just a 5 min. job..I recieve "help" from my now constant companion..Fearless! Fearless, to those not in the know, is a pint-sized feline of unknown and indiscriminate parentage. Somewhat a..hmmmmm... p.i.t.a. and yet...he's my buddy. And he ain't quite right-in-the-head. Whilst laying on my back pinned underneath the vehicle..unable to move due to my girth...he crawls up in/or about my face and regurgitates what appears to be some foul fish he caught down yonder in the crick!!! EXCELLENT! JUST %@*$(%$ EXCELLENT! He and I take turns amusing each other with the violence of our regurgitations..neither able or willing to move. In the end..it was a draw. We both wound up soaked and smelling of fish! Ohhhh nooo....the day doesn't end there! This is only the beginning! More to come! Audie..the oldfart!
Okey-Dokey...I think ya'll got the picture now. I'm crammed under this van attempting to do a simple oil change. Life goes from bad to worse of course. I finally managed to drain the oil..and promptly lost the drain-plug in the catch pan. Took a while to find that little booger! Got the plug back in and then dropped the oil filter wrench in the same &%#! pan and had to search for that! Got it...filter tightened and now searching for a funnel to add the new oil. Found it about 10a.m.! Oil is now topped up and need to move the van from the lower driveway to the upper driveway. Simple..eh? Ahhh..not so! Seems the errant feline would not leave my side..and so I planted him right on the dash next to a half-empty beer-can and attempt to pull out of the lower-driveway and proceed to the upper-driveway..just 40ft. away. And that's when the Pa. State Police Officer drove by. Sweeeeeettt! Now folks..mind ye...I NEVER drink and drive. NEVER! EVER! Today..dowsed in oil, cat puke, with a ratty looking kitten perched on my dash next to a half-empty beercan would be my day to get caught. Natch'rly! Thank goodness the Officer had a sense of humor as I pointed to Fearless when she (yes it was a female officer..) asked.."Who's driving this vehicle?" Now, mind ye..she tried to keep her composure..and did a durn fine job of doing so!!! I got off with a good scolding and a warning of..."Not to ever be allowing a kitten to drive any of my vehicles again!" And that, my friends..is the rest of the story. Audie..the oldfart...
Aye tjc one thing I've larned about wimminfolks is to be right-smart careful about what ye say. Wimminfolks can take a compliment and turn it into a condescending/gratuitious/chauvanistic comment in a heartbeat. (just ask any married man!) Mind ye she was a right fetchin' lookin' woman..but she's still a State Police Officer. Asides...I'm old enough to be her grandpaw! Humphhh! 'Nuther thought is I hope folks don't take me wrong on my opinion of the d.u.i. laws here in Pa. Yup!..they're a bit draconion far as I'm concerned. Depending on your size and when ye ate last you may/may not be given a citation. Having a cute fuzzy kitten on yer dash makes a difference as well! And so does the particular mood of the officer in charge! If they've had a bad day/week/month or year..chances are you will too! Your attitude has a helluva lot do do with whether or not ya get written up. Courtesy goes a long way. And no sudden moves! If they ask for your license and registration and such...move slowly and tell them of your intentions. (I think it's in the glove-box..) If it's dark out, as soon as ya see them flashing lights pull over and turn on every light inside that vehicle. Dome lights, cargo lights etc. Keep your hands in plain sight and shut that vehicle off. Address the officer as M'am, Sir or Officer. "Dude...Yeah Babe...or Hey m.f." are a good way to wind up in the pokey. And another thought. Here in Pa. a d.u.i. fine begins as soon as ya put the keys in the ignition. Car, truck, mo-ped, motorcycle..even a riding lawn-mower! Honest! Some folks say the engine has to be started...not so. Keys in the switch...yer caught. Even a riding mower. The law is any motorized vehicle. Period. On your own property? Don't matter. Private property? Don't matter. And if, like me, you "carry-concealed" 24/7, make sure you tell the officers in charge the moment they approach the vehicle...hands in plain sight. Just my humble thoughts. Audie...the oldfart..