And that's when Jeff fainted...a long and (I hope) humorous story..
Well now folks..where to begin??? Hmmm? O.K. lets start with some explainations. It seems that many of the folks here hunt or are outdoor oriented in some manner, and so begins this story. Myself, I love the outdoors and for some odd quirk of fate I seem to love flintlock guns. For those not familiar to them please recall your youth and when you watched Fess Parker portraying Dan'l Boone and Davey Crockett. Yup..them old "pour the powder down the barrel then a patch and lay the ball on top and ram it down the bore" crowd. Well that's my joy in life..old muzzleloadin' guns. Anyways...it's now January...2004 or thereabouts. It's bitter cold and they's 12in. of newfallen snow on the ground and it's Flintlock Season! HUZZAH! Now since the snow is so deep and the roads is un-managable I decided to head down yonder to the crick below my home hoping to procure some fresh venison for my larder. Now, mind ye...I'm awful close to being on posted ground! Not actually ON posted ground...exactlly..depending on whar' yer standing and looking. (They post up the area near the road but don't post it up at the crick...a small leagle matter...) Well..anyways. I grabbed up my flintlock and headed down yonder long before daybreak. I know when and where the deer travel this part of the crick-bottom from years of observation. Long about daybreak a fat doe slipped across the crick and headed my way and I layed a bead upon her and touched that trigger and..FFTTT...BOOM! I figgered I had backstraps headed fer the grill! EH! Well, twarn't to be! Somehow I had placed the shot a bit aft and that ole doe wasn't about to give up quite so easilly as I thought. And so a short foot-chase began alongside the crick! She'd sneak ahead of me a bit and I'd foller her up..never quite close enough to administer the "coupe-de-grace" as they say. Now before anyone should think me unkind or un-caring let me assure you that I do everything in my power to make quick and humane kills. Sometimes life does not give us what we want. In those circumstances I do whatever is required to finish the task a.s.a.p. In any case...I'm waddleing thru the snow alongside this crick...to my right is a cliff rising straight up to the main road. The doe is heading toward the crick with me in hot pursuit. Now somewhere along the way it occured to me that I should re-load my flintlock!! Also at that point I found out I had brought along ***** (bullets) powder...and not 1 single patch! (a much needed item for muzzleloaders!) Arrrghh! Now at the time I am wearing a brand new set of Walls Snow Camo Cover-alls. They cost about $300. I need to find a piece of cloth to patch this ball and I ain't gonna cut a swatch of material out of these expensive cover-alls to do so! Soooo..what do I do? I drop my cover-alls to the ground and grab my knife and get ready to cut a suitable patch out of my drawers...and that's when I seen Jeff standing 30ft. above me..(on the cliff) watching me like a hawk. Jeff is my neighbor. Ya'll got the picture? 50yr. old man standing half-nekkid grinning...large doe 10ft. in front of him crouching...old man holding fingers up to his lips going.."SHHHHHH!" and pointing towards the doe. O.K. Jeff just stood there with a look of horror on his face. (big deep sigh here...much misunderstanding...) Anyways.....(sigh)..it got worse. More to come of course....Audie the longwinded one!
O.K....so here I am in a much "compromised situation"..though I didn't know that at the time! I figgered Jeff was just upset on account of he figgered I had shot the doe on posted ground. I did not!! Well...in any case. I finally managed to cut a chunk of cloth out of my drawers and dumped the powder down the barrel..rammed the ball home and snapped the rifle up to my shoulder to finish the job. That's when I noticed the flint had fallen out of the lock...thus rendering my gun useless! Also..by this time Jeff had turned his head away from me so's not to view what was going on and all he heard was me muttering..."GREAT! EXCELLENT! JEFF...SHE'S GETTING AWAY! COME GRAB HER LEGS!" And that's when Jeff fainted! Imagine that..a big ole Harley tattoed feller..tough as cobbs..fainted right there in the snow! And that's the rest of the story! Audie..the oldfart!!
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