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Old 02-28-2007, 10:01 AM
oldfart oldfart is offline
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Catfood..and oldfolks...(giggle!)

Well now folks sit back and open up a cold one and let me tell ya'll a little story. First off I'm sure ya'll have heard the rumor many times about oldfolks buying catfood on account of it's cheap eats...right? Well, that's probly just a rumor but let me tell ya'll how such stories get started. See, I keep a few (6 at last count) feral cats about my home. Now, they stay outside!! No critters and no more wimminfolks in my house....and both fer the same reason...tired of cleanin' up their sh++! Harrumph! Their job is to keep the rodent population down and in return I feed them just enough to keep 'em around when they ain't no rodents. Fair enough..eh? Well the other day I was in the kitchen spooning out canned catfood and mixin' it up with some dry catfood for to put in their dishes out yonder on the porch. At the same time I was snackin' on some deer bologna...holding the can of catfood in one hand..spoon in t'other...gnawin' away on that deer bologna, and my daughter walked in! Folks, I wish ya'll could'a seen the look on her face! She stood there in shock and a big ole tear started to run down her cheek and she said.."Daddy let me take you out for lunch."..sniffle! Ahhhh..more to come! Audie!!
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Old 02-28-2007, 10:13 AM
oldfart oldfart is offline
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Well now folks if yer still following this tale..it just gets better! It took me about 2 seconds to realize what she was so upset about. I handed her that can of catfood and the spoon and said...'Tain't half bad Donna...let me grab my coat!" And off to Tops Chinese Buffet in Hagerstown we went fer lunch! Her treat!!!!! HAW!HAW!HAW! Afterwards I got my sidewalk shoveled, my laundry folded, dishes washed and I think she would'a washed and waxed the truck if I'd have asked her to! YEEEHAAW! By the end of the day she headed up the sidewalk and I stood there on the porch wavin' a package of Tender Vittles and told her she might ought to give it a try if her teeth gits real bad like mine! She called me later and told me she'd made me an appointment at the dentists in Chamberburg for Friday...8:30a.m.!! Her treat!! Ahhhh..life is good! Audie..the oldfart!
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Old 03-02-2007, 06:40 PM
petrol_pete petrol_pete is offline
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Smile

Let me know when your book comes out, I'll be in line to buy it!
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Old 03-03-2007, 11:02 AM
lostin90s lostin90s is offline
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Boy you sure can tell you are from Clearfield county. Good story . My wife said he sounds like a Redneck and I told her you used to live down over hill from her . the basic response amounted to nuff said . You should have told her what you were raisin the kats for over your lunch! Ha Ha . Might have bought you a side of beef. Later
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Old 03-05-2007, 10:06 AM
oldfart oldfart is offline
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Well now fellers I'm glad ya'll enjoyed the yarn. Fact is life sometimes is stranger than fiction and stuff like this really does happen. I hope no one thought me being unkind to my daughter as that would never be the case. I just believe when oppertunity knocks..answer the door. (giggle!) And...I do owe her a few on account of the trials she has given me thru the years!! Why lemme tell ya'll about the "chicken in the truck" incident!! More to come..of course. YMHS...Audie..the longwinded one!
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Old 03-07-2007, 11:21 PM
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Greywolf Greywolf is offline
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There was a fella who called 911 on one of his neighbors...

Sherriff answers, and he tells him:

I know for sure my next door neighbor is selling DOPE, and I know where he keeps it too!

He puts it in holla logs out in his wood pile. I don't quite know how he does it, except there must be plugs at the ends of them, but it's in there alright!

Sherriff thanks him, and the next day - a TASK FORCE arrives next door!

I tell ya what, they cut up logs, split stuff open, and never quit from sunup to sundown...

When they finally left (empty handed) the sherriff told the young man there "WE"LL BE WATCHING YOU!"

That night, the neighbor who started it all called the young man up on the phone...

"BOY?"
"Yessir?"
"Sherriff come out?
"They sure did!"
"Chopped up all your firewood?"
"Every last stick..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON!!!"
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exists a personality class that serves simply to stir up trouble.
~ These are simply referred to as jackasses...
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Old 03-07-2007, 11:21 PM
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