Humor in Pennsylvania

[soondg]

Keep sending them guys. Subj:Two Trees It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch? The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.

[soondg]

From olskool, a new chapter member, thanks for the chuckle and keep them coming.


A gentleman takes his seat on the airplane and notices he's seated next to a pretty young blonde.
He decides to introduce himself, as they begin to take off. They strike up a conversation that lasts for a while.
Suddenly the plane jerks around, and the other passengers begin to get worried...

The Capatain's voice comes over the speaker...
"Well folks, it looks as though we lost one of the engines, but not to worry, we're just going to have to go a little slower as not to strain the remaining three. It's going to take us a little longer than expected, but we'll arrive shortly"

The gentleman assures the blonde that things will be OK, and they continue their conversation...

Shortly after, the Capatains voice is heard again..
"I'm sorry to have to inform you, we're going to have to shut down another engine due to technical issues, but we're still running well on two engines, again we'll be throttleing back slightly to ease up on the remaining engines, this should get us to the airport about two hours later than expected, but we'll be fine...

The gentleman is starting to get nervous, but again reassures the blonde that the crew is handling the situation.. The blonde is starting to worry about the extra time involved, but decides to forget about it.

A half hour later the plane jerks around abit, and the Captain explains about loosing a third engine, and after he finishes... the Blonde blurts out


WHAT THE HECK!! WE LOOSE ANOTHER ENGINE WE'LL BE STUCK UP HERE ALL DAY!!

[FTE Trigger]

Originally Posted by ranger1999 Bob

humor dont know what happened to the other thread so heres a joke for yall

Bump? Is this it?

[ranger1999 Bob]

yeah thats it

[glruff]

[glruff]

Hey you all are invited to the party, turkey roasting on an open fire, Read First: DEEP FRIED TURKEY, A FNG TREAT!!!

[BPofMD]

Seemed to be a great time to stick this one in the PA Forum!!


A Moral Question

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an
honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features
an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a
decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you
caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of Biblical
proportions. You are photojournalist working for a major newspaper and
you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career making
photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing
under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying
not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. .

Somehow the woman looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's
Hillary Clinton!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her
under forever. You have two options--you can save the life of Hillary
Clinton, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo,
documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful women.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer...

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-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic
simplicity of black and white.

[soondg]

Comments made in the year 1955 That's only 53 years ago!

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible
to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.'

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.'

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?'

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at
the store.'

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.'

'Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls.'

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.'

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .'

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.'

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.'

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having
to work to make ends meet.' 'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.'

'Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.'

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.'

'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes.

I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.'

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will
ever catch on.'
'There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.'

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood.'

'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.'

[F250army45d]

Dude it was rough in 55 did you here that stuff as a kid?

[soondg]

Yeh! I heard some of it and said some of it.

Went to a double feature with serial, cartoons, birthday or holiday party, popcorn, candy and soda, for a quarter. That was early sixties. A couple of years later it was up to a whopping fifty cents. A dollar got me three gallons of gas and bridge toll. Had a job on Sunday at the local pharmacy. Swept, mopped and waxed all the floors, cleaned all the counters and washed the windows. Washed and waxed the pharmacists car. He paid me the generous sum of two dollars. I always wore baggy pants and over sized shirts with deep pockets to work so I could take advantage of the equally generous employee discount program.

[soondg]

HIGH MILEAGE;

A recent study conducted by Harvard University found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon*.

Makes me proud to be an American.




*(your mileage may vary according to conditions)

[ranger1999 Bob]

whats the difference between a Lehman Bros trader and a pigeon???








a pigeon can still make a deposit on a Ferrari

[soondg]

That was good Bob.

I've been trying to do the math on the 700 billion dollar bail out that is supposed to help the market and kick star a recovery. we have about 275 million citizens in the United States. Mail everyone a check for a billion dollars, I'm positive that mortgages would get paid and a lot of spending would take place and the government would save 425 billion of our tax dollars.

[Tyqmonn]

Two Blondes walk into a bar....................You'd think one of them would have seen it !!!

[SteveBricks]

A little contribution from out west. I hope it gives you a chuckle, or at least a smile.

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics
that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning
during her warm up and it was amazing.'

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I
once mounted her mother.'

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them
really that serious.'

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing
again.'

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it
all over their faces.'

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the
cox of the British crew.'

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'

9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round,
his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'