My girlfriend and I have been dating off an on for around 2.5 years now. Most of the time everything is great, but she has major trust issues. Previous boyfriends have just treated her like crap. These were before me and while she and I were broken up. I don't know if she has bad luck or just goes looking for these losers. One used to beat her up to the point where the police got involved and now there is a restraining order and he and I went a few rounds. At any rate, the biggest problem in out relationship is she doesn't trust me at all which I can understand, but I don't know how to gain her trust. I've never really done anything bad to her other than when we broke up. It was my fault and it was just messy, but I wouldn't even think of doing anything mean to her. I have been nothing but a gentleman. I can't be any nicer. I have never given her a reason not to trust me, but it still isn't there. It is really frustrating because I think trust is the most important thing in a relationship. It has gotten to the point where she starts saying that this relationship isn't working because of a lack of trust and she doesn't want to put herself out there just to get hurt again.

 

it'll take lots of time

 

The naked hokey pokey always works for me.


only joking....... Just dont break a promise or tell a secret even its your secret think about it................... its still a secret that your not keeping and ther by defies trust. oh and to realy butter her up send her some flowers just because. Doesnt have to be any thing fancy. One time I picked some weeds and but them in a beer bottle and gave it to my girl freind just for kicks and gigles.

 

Keep doing what your doing. If you stick to it, she may come around. Just don't bet on it. Many people's issues like this are from so far back, they don't even know where or why they started. Treat her well, and if it works out it will, if it doesn't, that's how it goes. Can't push it on her. Either you get to be patient and take a chance, or move on. Best of luck to you both.

 

give her lots of $$ and send her to the mall

Ray

 

have you talked to her about it at all? like the areas you may be lacking in that would cause her not to trust you. like was said earlier, most of the time these problems stem from something that happened to them in the past, and really has nothing to do with you. if you sit down and talk to her about it it shows that you are generally interested in her feelings, and that you want to make her happy. more than likely its nothing you did. it sounds like she has had some crappy relationships in the past, so she probably has commitment issues.and when things get serious she wantsto leave cause it wont hurt as much, if she gets "attached" she feels like its gonna happen again. the flower thing is a good idea too. but dont do it just cause we said to. be genuine about it. actually want to give her some. thats just my $0.02. ive learned alot from my past failures and good relationships. most of the time failed relationships happen because of many things. dont worry, and good luck.

 

sorry i reposted it. darn slow computer.

 

Great post! you are exactly right. I've talked to her about it a few times before and she says that it is all her and nothing that I've done. That is why this is so difficult for me. We've been dating for a long time now (in teen standards) and things are starting to get serious. She says that she is really starting to love me and that scares her to death. She told me last night that she wants to break up just to avoid being hurt. I think I've convinced her that everything will be all right and that we can go through this together. She seemed to be in a better mood today. She's tried to push me away for the last month a little but I've stuck with her and I think that has gone a long way to help her. She thinks that I'm clueless about it, but I'm right on top of everything. I guess I'm kind of the same way as she is. Now, this is the same girl that wanted me to propose to her about a week ago (see my other post in the general discussion board). I think she is scared to lose me but scared to keep me!

 

she "wanted" you to propose??!! that type of thing is a decision you have to make on your own. if she has trust issues now how does she think she would be able to handle being married? stick it out man, if you love her things will work out one way or another. good luck. ive been there done that, so i know where your comin from. ive had quite a few gfs that had trust issues cuz of past relationships. it sucks but if your both willing to work through it, it will make you even closer. just be glad your not in the military like me, thats somethin you dont need on your plate too. women **** all over us, and then blame it on the military. (your never home, i never get to see you, blah blah blah blah) but hey man when you find the right one it doesnt matter. they love you for you. keep you chin up, itll be alright.

 

Marriage is a great thing when both people are ready for it. IF, there are issues like trust that exist, you are not ready for marriage. Perhaps you are, but she may not be. You can't change her, you can only change herself. If you work on becoming a better person, hopefully she will do the same. People are generally attracted to other people that are there equal or a little less. In other words, if you see yourself as a 7 on a scale from 1 to 10, you will attract others that are in the 5 to 8 range, and you will be attracted to the same. A 9 or 10 would be unapproachable, and a 2, 3, or 4, would be undesirable. There are many books that can help with relationships. My first recommendation is a book called The Five Love Languages. There are many books called Chicken Soup For The Soul that center around different topics. Find the one that fits your needs. These are easy read. I know this isn't MANLY STUFF, but it will reap great rewards with the one you love. There is no quick fix for your situation. If you start reading some of these books, and start casually talking about them, hopefully, she will get interested in them too. You can't force feed this stuff to her. It would also help if she has friends that have good relationships and or marriages to talk to also. If she has friends that all have the same outlook on relationships and similar experiences, she may need to spend less time with them. Only she can make that decision though. I married an 8 that is now a 10, and I'm still trying to catch up.

 

Thanks guys. We had a breathrough last night, this girl that is in love with me told my girlfriend that I was at a party that I wasn't at. My girlfriend asked me about it and I told her the truth. She looked at me and said, "it's OK, I trust you." That was the end, no fighting over it or anything. Now we can just build it from here.

 

thats good, i hope it goes well from here.

 

Just let everything go at her speed. When she feels in control (whether you think she actually is or not) then things will start to ease up. I know its a horrible, losey, crude comparasion, but its the same with an abused horse, or dog (I'm a rancher), take your time and understand that for the first long while your aren't going to get much out of the relationship.

 

I let her have full control and I always have. Now I don't let her boss me around or tell me what I'm going to do, but if there is something that she wants me to do like go out to dinner with her parents i'm more than happy to. We usually do what she wants to do (watch movies on her HUGE leather couch), but sometimes I get to do what I want lol. I'm pretty easy going and can find things I like about anything. Hey, I figure that if she's willing to go mudding with me and some rowdy friends, I can sit on the couch and watch movies with her. I just like being with her. Our relationship moves in the direction that she wants. What she doesn't know is that I really am in control, so we are both happy!

 

its good to trick them into thinking they are in control.


Ray