I have been in the Marines for almost 8 years now. I have made lots of new friends and seen first hand what the military does to a relationship. I have been at my current duty station for 2 years now and shortly after getting here I met a fellow Marine who was down to earth and a REALLY nice guy. The type that would give you the shirt off his back if it would help. Now I never really liked his wife because she seemed very immature. She is only 19 and they have been married for a little over 2 years now. They have a little girl who is sooooo sweet. The husband has given me the impression ( but has not come out and said it) that he only stays with his wife because no judge in the world would give custody to a single dad in the military with all the deployments going an. His wife has no intention of giving her up. I haven't seen my friend in almost a year. First I went to Iraq for 6 months, then he went out there while I was comming back. We still talked the whole time though. Now for the problem, I just found out from their neighbor that his wife has been cheating on him. He had a feeling she was going to cheat on him when he left and he was hoping he could stay home for that very reason. I feel he should know but.........You see where I'm going with this? When I thought my ex was cheating on me (My ex and is wife were best friends) he told me. So do I return the favor? He suspects it but I couldn't confirm it until tonight. Why do people have to cheat? Why couldn't she just keep her pants on until he got home and then left him? Nothing like going over seas and getting shot at by people who want to kill you beacause you are American and then comming home to find out your wife was sleeping around.

 

Sorry to hear this, but the same story has been told many times. Ask yourself if you would want to be told, then do your buddy a favor. Good luck.
Dono (former VMF112)

 

I would tell him, no doubt about it!

I'm not a Marine or ever been a member of the Armed Forces, but as a member don't you have a loyalty to your fellow Marines. is there ever a possibility you may depend on him for your life, woudln't you want te piece of mind to know that you are close enough and honest enough with him to know without a doubt in your mind he holds no grudge against you.

My best friend and I set that up between ourselves a long time ago, that we wouldn't keep that sort of thing from each other. We each had to tell the other one that bad news once, and I never questioned whether I should tell him or not!

 

I think you answered your own question in saying "my friend". Good luck & be a good listener.

 

I would defenitly tell him, hopefully it will give him time to figure things out before he gets back.

Semper Fi

- Chris

 

This happens all the time to people.

Me ? I would tell her to tell him herself.It's not fair to him at all to have this go on.

Then I would be there for him to talk to , once he has knows.

If she says no she won't,then let him know.

He may ask you how you know this, and feel even worse.

 

Just be careful that you don't get caught up in this, being the bearer of bad news.

Sometimes the bearer gets the brunt.

JMHO

 

as a former soldier,you better believe I would tell him. trust is everything when it comes to friends. Yes,it will hurt him if you tell him,but not so much as it will in the future when he still considers you a friend,but he remembers the time when you didn't come completley clean with him. I guess the question here is,how good is your conscious? hate to even bring this up,but when we came back from the 1st gulf war,50% of our company got a divorce because of cheating. All I can say is I am glad I wasn't involved with any one at the time....instead I had 3 kids by a wonderful woman that waited until 5 years after marraige to decide she was bi-polar and many other things,but that is another topic for another thread

 

Brother, just be careful how you go about it. Personnally, if you know someone else over there with him, who you know is tight with him too, tell them and let them break it to him. Tell them to give him just enough details to contact you and make sure he is present when you break the hard news to him. I say this because you don't want to have him be alone and find this out and do something stupid. Make sure who he is with gets him to the chaplain as soon as possible. I have several of my guys here with me now going through the same deal. It doesn't make it any better for him to find it out from her, when she finally gets the guts to tell him, and she probably will, and he is in a rage and does something really dumb. Distance x Anger x Ammo = Bad situation

Like I said, be careful how you break this and make sure that someone with him knows first and is with him the whole time.

 

There's a good country song about this: "I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then". If we could stay forever in ignorant bliss, some of us might choose that route. But, the fact is, he'll probably find out sooner or later. Might as well be sooner. And he might as well hear it from a friend instead of the local constable.

 

hatemakings/n:

Unfortunately, I have never been in the Marines, but, I know their motto is - Semper Fi.
Ever Faithful. (But you already knew this. It is not my intent to be condescending.)
Do your friend a favor - tell him, but, have the facts absolutely straight. Nothing is worse than trying to do a friend a favor and having it backfire on you.

It is a darn shame. Especially because there is a young child in the equation.

As for your question about 'why' people cheat. . . this one is easy.
Some people 'think' that the grass is greener on the other side of the street. What most people find out though, is, there are as many weeds across the street as there are in their own yard.

Semper Fi. Good words to live by.


Good luck.

EDIT: Thank you for your service to this great country of ours. (And tell your buddies, too.) These words are not often said. They need to be said EVERY day!!!

 

Make sure of your facts before you act. ‘Hear say’ is not always accurate.

 

Some people want to be told about their spouse's infidelity, others don't.

I would say that since he told you when your ex was cheating that he would want you to return the favor.

My .02

aerostargal

 

I agree with aerostargal on this. Since he told you about your ex doing the same thing, get your facts straight and tell him.
Now as to why spouses cheat? In my opinion, if one spouse cheats on the other, then that person never really loved the one they are cheating on. I have always belived that if two people are really deeply in love with each other, they will stick together through thick and thin. Case in fact. My parents, both gone now, will celebrate 60 years of marriage come December. They never separated through the years so I still consider them married, even in heaven. I saw my folks argue and fight over a lot of things, my pop's drinking and money mostly. But they stuck it out because they loved each other. My dad died almost 4 years ago and right after he passed away, my mom went down in health and went to join him just over a year and a half ago.

Why would anyone stay faithfull to their spouse if they don't love them?

That's my thought on this.
Richard

 

He already knows it. No reason not to tell him, not like it's coming out of the blue.