I told my wife when we got married that yes, I would love to have kids and NO I would not change diapers. That was almost 21 years ago. As we were sitting around talking over the weekend, the topic of diapers came up. So I thought that I would share.

We were blessed with two great kids. And I only changed 1 diaper on each. And they were just wet. You see, this is not a mans job. We are there to supervise only, from a distance, really far distance.

However, I did have to change one a a kid that my wife was baby sitting. To this day, I still do not know what this kids parents feed him. It started off fine, until my wife had to go to arobics. The kid had to stay with me. It was OK, the mom was to show up in a couple of minutes. Like most women, minutes turn into hours.

The kid comes up to me and says that he is "POOPIE". He must have been about 3. I told him to go play that his mom would be right there. Fourty-five minutes later he comes up again, "I'm POOPIE". He turns around and it is up to his shoulder blade's. I must do something, quick. "Stand there, don't move". I try to call his mom, no answer. I call where my wife is at, no answer. Then I brave the elements.

I lay a towel down on the floor, tell the kid to lay down. Vomit comes up to my lips as I am looking over the kid. I swallow it on the way to the bathroom. Must have been the "G" force of me running so fast. Now think, AH yes. I get a T-shirt, soak it with aftershave. Dripping wet. Go back out to the kid. Who has been laying in poop for about 10 minutes now with his pants down to his ankles and his shirt off. I tie the shirt around my nose and start to work on the kid. No way, vomit coming back up, I run, again the "G" force thing. I can't do it.

I call my mother who lives about 3 miles away. No answer. I call my in-laws, mother in law is with my wife. My father in law comes over and changes the kids diaper. They live about 4 miles away. By now, the poop is almost to the point of scrapping off. Two minutes after my father in law gets the kid changed. His mom knock's at the door.

The house smells like poop and aftershave when my wife gets home in another 15 minutes. She is laughing so hard she has tears in her eyes. Then I go to kiss her. She runs and tells me I smell like vomit.

I have not touched another diaper since and will never touch one again. The grandkids, when they are born, can just sit in it.

Tom

 

Worst diaper story was the first and last time when I changed my neice when she was about 2 or 3...

*throws up*

I don't how people do it on a regular basis.

 

I have a feeling this thread won't last but here goes:

The worst was when my kid had a soiled diaper on and I changed it. I had the new diaper under him, but before I could close it and tape it shut, he smiles at me and soils the new diaper. Then he laughed. At a buck-25 a diaper, I wanted them to last more than 30 seconds. I had to just shrug and change him again.

Twolf, that was a funny story.

 

You know, my son is going on a year old now. Everyone always said diapers are really really bad and all that. Whenever I'm home, I change the diaper, whether it be wet or WORSE. I've taken care of horses for over ten years and seen some pretty disgusting things, and also milked cows for a while (vile, disgusting creatures that they are), and seen a deer gutted and it's stomach cut open, and that was pretty nasty, and I think all these things helped to prepare me for a dirty diaper. Diapers aren't a thing. Now, getting crapped on by a cow while you're trying to clean the udder and milk her, that's a different story altogether...

 

[QUOTE=76supercab2]I have a feeling this thread won't last but here goes:

The worst was when my kid had a soiled diaper on and I changed it. I had the new diaper under him, but before I could close it and tape it shut, he smiles at me and soils the new diaper. Then he laughed. At a buck-25 a diaper, I wanted them to last more than 30 seconds. I had to just shrug and change him again.

Man, I feel your pain....changing my first born son, diaper was off, new one was going on.....I don't recall much after that....I have been told by people observing (laughing) that I got a coat of ummmmm....hot baby poo sprayed on my hands and arms. I can't stand those newborn diapers.....

 

Cows, not a problem. I have branded many and been crapped on. Gut plenty of deer. Not a problem. Seen a person cut in half at a car wreck. Slight problem. Well, bigger than slight. But for some reason, a poopie diaper. A really big problem.

I kinda like the smell of a stock yard.
Tom

 

This is one my gramps told me when I was a young lad.

When My gramps was fresh out of college and on his first job he was asked by his boss if he could drive the boss' wife and baby to somewhere. My gramps said OK.

During the drive the baby did what babies do and they had a nice diaper full of nature's finest. This was in the middle of Texas in the summer and back then the only air conditioning was windows. Gramps said the car got pretty ripe and eventually the lady asked gramps to get rid of the diaper.

Gramps figuring that since they were out in the middle of nowhere, he could just toss it out the window, which he promptly did. What he forgot to check for was traffic. The diaper plopped right across the driver side windshield of the car behind him and stuck, flapping in the wind.

Gramps looked in the mirror and saw the poor driver swerving all over the highway frantically trying to grab the diaper off the windshield.

Me and my cousin always loved that story.

Jim Henderson

 

Oh ya, Scours??? Better be out of the 5 foot blast zone especially on concrete. Diapers or scours... I'll take a diaper any day.

 

In the early 90's when new construction was a little slow I got involved in doing a lot of rehab work on homes that had been foreclosed on and needed to be spruced up for resale. On one job we arrived, and just a few minutes into tool set up we could smell something pretty foul. We tracked it down to a bathroom that had a tub/shower combo with sliding doors. The previous owners had filled up the tub to the top of the glass doors with used disposable diapers. The odor was beyond overpowering. Flies, maggots, you get the picture. I called the lender that owned the house and said we would be bypassing this particular job and would go ahead to the next one on the schedule. I saw a lot of wierd stuff during our rehab days but that episode really pegged my GAG-O-METER.

 

I wasn't wise enough to make Twolf's deal at the get go. Then my wife had twins. So for 2 years or so, probably an average of 8 times a day between them, lessee 8 x 750 days... umm you get the picture. Our 850 square foot house smelled fair ripe for those 2 years, you couldn't get diapers out of the house faster than they could fill them up to replace them. People stopped coming over, you know the drill. I must have changed at least 1/3 of those diapers. Got the customary shot in the face, etc. etc , the gory details really come from when they were sick....

that should be enough
Suffice to say that my happiest day to now, was the day they finally didn't need diapers any more

 

I have only changed a couple with our son, mostly because my wife got tired of my method

First thing done was throw that kid in the shower, clothing and all.

Start stripping off the clothing and get the kid down to the diaper (bathroom fan going the whole time).

Next thing I did was grab a garbage bag and chuck everything, clothing diaper, toys he was holding, shoes if it was runny, anything the kid had on him that had any chance of being soiled.

After letting the shower clean him up, I would wrap him in a towel until my wife got home or my mom came over.

This worked fine for me until I did it with his good church cloths and the sweater that my mom made for him. From that point on I was not allowed to change him. They both said leave everthing in the tub and they would clean up the mess.

 

After I got out of the Army in June of 1970, jobs were hard to come by, so I took a job at a diaper service company. You know, back then a truck would come around, drop off a bunch of clean diaper and bring back the dirty ones. Our job was to unload these into chutes, get them to the washing machines, and dump them in. I don't know how many times I got my hands into those things and of course, it was usually the "dirty ones." I worked there for 7 days and washed more diapers than most moms would wash in a life time. 10 hours of smell and dirty hands was enough for me. Several years later, when my son was born, I don't think I changed more than 1 or 2. I hate this thread, it's got me thinking about all those diapers again. Oh well, I'll get over it.

 

After reading this thread, I'm even more firm in my resolve not to have kids...and if I ever screw up and have one anyway, I'll just buy a cork and a clothespin (if it's a boy) or two corks (girl).

I figure I don't need any kids anyway, my sister the babymachine had my share. Now, she always used disposable diapers, and when they were used she rolled them up and left them in interesting places. Called them burritos, and left me a few. I found one on the hood of my brand new Mustang GT convertible one time, another time I opened the BBQ to fire it up and found she'd left me a burrito on the grill. (To this day, I can't eat burritos...I'm scarred for life!) Yes, baby poop has got to be the foulest-smelling substance known to man. In our next war (or conflict, or what-have-you) let's just drop our inexhaustable supply of used diapers on the enemy...that should bring them to their knees! -TD

 

I've only had the opportunity to change one dirty diaper in my life.....and it wasn't too bad. It was interesting doing the "Mom" thing. *smiles* But I guess as a woman, I'm SUPPOSED to do things like change dirty diapers and such....but anyway, here's my gross diaper story: I was participating with a bunch of friends in a forest clean-up of Reiter last year....someone had dumped a blown apart camper down there. Well, after we got the big pieces of the camper in the truck to take to the trash bins, we got into the small stuff that was IN the camper when it was dumped....and you guessed it, there were used diapers and used feminine products, and disgusting things of the like. I had the unfortunate luck of finding the one diaper that was partially open and got a whiff of the WORST smell ever, and saw a coagulated green mass with maggots in it. I'm almost puking right now just thinking about that experience.................BLECK!

 

Good Gawd you guys, it's just poop!

Having said that, My worst one ever was with my first born, he was 2 and we were all quite happy to have him out of diapers.....

It was late summer and I decided to spring for a nice steak dinner at the best restaurant in town....... At the exact same moment the waitress brought our prime rib and prawns to the table, my son stands one the chair beside me ....taps me on the shoulder and says "sorry daddy"

I look over to see a flood of offending fecal matter running down both of the kids legs onto the chair......

Panic sets in....what the hell am I gonna do? I had a dress shirt on over a T shirt so I peeled it off and wrapped my son from the waist down and headed for the washroom.....

The waitress took the chair and my wife helped her clean it, out behind the kitchen, then she went to our truck and got a pair of sweatpants out of the emergency 4X4 clothing kit (you all have one right?)

I gave the kid a paper towel bath in the sink,( he was very embarrrassed about this whole affair, but in his defence he did wind up with the flu) ,put the sweats on him and went back and enjoyed our dinner !! (by then a bunch of customers had left for obvious reasons)...... to bad, they missed a good steak LOL

BTW The waitress got her biggest tip to ever!