I just found out today that a close friend of mine died in a car accident on his way to school. I was sitting in the class that I have with him. I feel terrible right now. I called my parents, and they came to school, and took me home. I just don't really know what to do, or feel.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. There is some truth to the saying that death is harder on those who remain. How you find your way through this may be different than the next person...but remember, there is no right or wrong way to remember and mourn a friend or loved one.

Your school may have access to grief counselors. Ask your parents or a teacher if they do, and talk to one. DON'T DELAY.

Give it time, but try to figure out which emotions are grief and sorrow for your friend, and which are about you and your personal loss and injury. You have been reminded/taught in a shocking way that you are not invulnerable, and that death can happen anytime, anywhere. That knowledge is a scary thing, but also a gift.

To always be aware of one's mortality can help you make the most of your own life. But it can hinder if misunderstood.

Don't go this alone. When I was 13, a friend died suddenly of meningitis. 2 years later I almost died from a post-operative infection following a football injury. My parents didn't believe in psychology/psycholgists, and I was left to my own [lack of] understanding.

After that, I didn't waste my time with things that "bored" me or called for long term sacrifice...deep down I guess I felt life was too unpredictable to be wasted. But I also never applied myself to long term goals and missed out on many great opportunities. It took me until age 38 to figure out my "unconcious meaning'' was "don't try for anything you really want...it can kill you".

Talk about wasting 23 years. The list of wasted opportunity is endless.

Now at 45 I'm married and have a great 2 y.o. daughter, something that takes self sacrifice and delayed gratification, but also gives priceless gifts. A counselor waaayy back then might've helped avoid a long learning process.

I can't stress this enough...as humans we create meanings to explain everything that happens to us, and to others. Most of the time we are unaware that we do it, and as time passes we filter everything that happens through countless unconcious meanings. A counselor can guide you through this "meaning creation" process so that what you discover about your feelings and the meanings they create enhances your life and doesn't harm it, especially in the distant future.

And wouldn't that be a fitting tribute to your friend, and a priceless gift from him?

 

Hey man Im sorry to hear that. Do you know if it was in the school zone? I
School counslers are usually a good way to go if you feel you need it. My counsler has been alot of help to me and he's increadibly smart. They usually all are. Theres really not a whole lot I can say to cheer you up unfortunatly. We're all here if you need to talk to us thought and you have my screen name also.

 

I am sorry to hear that. Yes, go to the school counslers.

Sorry man.

 

mistercmk, i am sad to say that i relate all too well to your loss. one of my good friends; also a business partner of mine, died in a car crash just about a year ago. all i can say is that it's not about getting over it; it's about living with it.

if this was someone very close to you, then he will be with you still, in your memories, and in your thoughts.

i can tell you that i still have trouble dealing with the fact that my friend is not coming back, but i know he is watching over me right now. If you can think about your friend looking down on you and whispering in your ear whan you need help, i think it will give you some comfort.

these things are hard, and no one expects you to act any certain way. talk to your parents, they can help more than you think.

hang in there dude.

 

Sorry to hear about your loss. Like others have said, there is no certain way to act in such a circumstance. The main thing you have to remember is that the grief is normal. Since this just happened, you are still in shock about it, and probably wondering if it really happened etc. As time moves on you will start to feel better, it is just the shock factor as to why you feel down, you can't believe this happened. Remember that since he was your friend, you truly cared for each other and he will be with you. Do you think he would want you worrying about this? He knows you were a good friend to him and he wouldn't want this to cause any more stress on you as it already has. Keep us informed on how you are doing, we are always here to listen. And feel free to email me if you need to Things will get better

 

Sorry to hear about your friend. Losing a friend is never easy. Follow the good advise given in the above posts.. Make sure you go to the wake and funeral, its a very important part of the process. I lost a best friend in highschool and another two years ago. I still talk to these guys once in a while...in my own way. Much like..."C'mon Paul, what would you do in a situation like this." A nice thing to do is to plant a tree somewhere in their memory. I've done that in my yard. It brings fond memories back when I see those trees.

MR

 

my best friend's first wife died in a car accident in '97....
I think he took it better than i did.
My wife took it rather hard, as she was very close friends with her, that
and she lost a childhood friend, too.
Seems like anymore, there's always a funeral to go to, buried my Grandpa's
brother (great-uncle?) last Friday.
I know it's hard to keep your head up, in a situation like this, but ya gotta keep going on, if not for yourself, then for them, live your life for them.
sorry to hear of your loss, it always makes me feel bad to see or hear of a young life taken too early, for any reason.

 

My heart goes out to you. Senseless tragedies are the hardest to comprehend. Been there at the same age losing a best friend to a drunken driver. The initial shock and sense of loss is profound and the closer the friend the deeper the sorrow. To be honest, it never truly goes away. There will be many times during your life you will find yourself wondering about how it is you are here to experience something wonderful while your friend is not and you will have pangs of guilt and regret. Try and live those moments both for you and in memory of your friend, it makes them richer somehow. A small silent prayer at such times helps.

 

My mom died when i was 7. Just dont think of how it happened or the fact that it happened. Think of the good times. Remember that they were your friend and you might have been one to make a diff. in there lives for the better. It takes a lot but just dont think about what happened. Think bout where they are now and how good they had it.

 

I can't necessarily say a good thing for you, as I am still greiving for my 21 month old daughter I lost as a result of an accident in which I had control. The good memories are helpful yet painful at this time. I can't even look at her picture yet. I intend on seeing a counselor when I get up to it. I know, waiting isn't good, but I just don't feel up to it. At this time, I mostly feel nothing, as if it didn't happen, I suppose it's my way of dealing, but there are many things to remind me all the same. I am thankful for the time I had, but sure wish I had more. In time, the pain goes down, and you will only remember every so often, as I have gone through other losses, some expected, some not. Just don't let it hold you dowm. My basic way of living has been plan for tomorrow, but live for today, because you don't know for sure it will be there.

 

Alot of good has been said. As I have mention before. My nephew was killed in Iraq on Nov 6, 2003. I have alot of items from the funeral and newspaper clippings. Even a tape of the funeral. Lossing a friend or a loved one is very hard. I think trying to understand why they are gone is harder. For both of you, mistercmk and fellro86, my heart and prayers go out to you. We have all lost someone from a visual aspect in our lifes. But we will not lose them as a memory from our heart and soul. Look at the pictures of them and cherish every moment. Believe me, the tears will flow each time, but it will also get easier each time. Use the pictures to help you heal.

Tom

 

I'm glad there is little I can add to make it easier to accept. Lots of good things here as always. I too lost a few freinds in H.S. and soon thereafter. Its so difficult. The best support group I found in those deaths, were mutual freinds.
Only you all know how each other feel.

 

I just found out that my buddy committed suicide. He left a note, and a diary dating back 2 years. This is turning out to be a horrible week.

 

All I can add to what I wrote before is do NOT in any way blame yourself, as if you could have done anything for him. You would've, if he'd asked.

Get thee to a counselor...not that your parents or others can't help, but there are pros who are well experienced at guiding you through this.

Keep posting. I'm concerned about you, as are your FTE buddies.

Erik