I thought I would share something my 84 year old Father just sent me.
Yes,he has a computer that I am constantly going over and doing internet maintenance on.

************************************************** *******************


For those of you who like puns-and what right thinking person doesn't

I offer the following:

1. Two vultures board an airplane;each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides
up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse."But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in pain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So,
the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him.... what? (Oh man, this is so bad,it's good) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

************************************************** ********************
Now, How many of these can you remember ?


Double Dog Dare You

If you don't remember this, you're too young anyway.

This is a time we can feel good about remembering so much!

I am sharing this with you today because it ends with a "double dog dare" to pass it on.
Always remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and young enough not to care.


How many do you remember?

1. Candy cigarettes.

2. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.

3. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.

4. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes.

5. Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.


6.Home milk delivery in glass bottles,with cardboard stoppers.

7. Party lines.

8. Newsreels before the movie.

9. P. F. Flyers.

10. Butch wax.

11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix, (Drexel-5505).

12. Peashooters.

13. Howdy.

14. 45-RPM Records.

15. Green Stamps.

16. Hi-fi's.

17. Metal ice cube trays-with levers.

18. Mimeograph paper.

19. Blue flash Bulbs.

20. Beanie and Cecil.

21. Roller skate keys.

22. Cork pop guns.

23. Drive ins.

24. Studebakers.

25. Wash tub wringers.

26. The Fuller Brush man.

27. Reel-to-reel tape recorders.

28. Tinkertoys.

29. The Erector Set.

30. The Fort Apache Playset.

31. Lincoln Logs.

32. 15 cent McDonald hamburgers.

33. 5 cent packs of baseball cards...with that awful pink slab of bubblegum.

34. Penny candy.

35. 35 cent-a-gallon gasoline.


AND A TIME WHEN ....................

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do over!"

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.

It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.

A foot of snow was a dream come true.

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.

"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

War was a card game.

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up life...."

[font color=RED]I double dog dare ya![/font]





[b][i][font color=red]Dennis[/font][i][b]
[font color=red]Calgary,Alberta,Canada[/font]

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The puns were ok but the second part worried me cause i remember most of them i still have a pea shooter and now i want some candy cigaretts




Wiz

 

 

That sort of made me feel like I always feel when I tune in the local "classic rock" station here and they play all the stuff I listened to in high school! Good stuff though!!

 

i guess im not "old" im 31 but i remember most of those things kinda scarey when you turn on the radio to hear a "flashback" song and it one that was popular when you where in highschool!!!

 

>i guess im not "old" im 31 but i remember most of those
>things kinda scarey when you turn on the radio to hear a
>"flashback" song and it one that was popular when you where
>in highschool!!!

My wife and I are in the same boat! We went to school together and can rember most of those things. we also are 31, well, she is 31, I am 29 for the third time.

A couple of years ago my sister was riding with me and I told her she could change the station on the radio if she wanted. She told me she liked the oldies. I was listening to the same music I listened to in high school!!! I am to young to have my music called oldies.

How does that song go? I am to young to be this damn old!


:-staun
dj

 

I'm only 38, but I remember those things. Thanks for the nice memories!
Here's some more memories for you....

Milk machines on suburban corners

Watching the test pattern while waiting for T.V. to come back on in the morning. Out of 13 stations, you got maybe 5 and they signed off for the night.

Drinking Coca-cola in those refundable green glass bottles

Flying "A" gas stations

rotary dial phones

Wax lips

Metal prizes in Cracker Jacks

"Conelrad" station markings on all AM radios.

The "Mosquito" patrol that would ride up your street at dusk and spray a thick blueish "smoke". (Mothers would call all their kids in and as soon as the truck passed by, they would all run back out and ride their bikes through the blue smoke).

Putting baseball cards on the spokes of your "Peewee Herman" bike for sound effects.

"Sgt. Preston of the Yukon", and his faithful companion "King".

 

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 30-May-02 AT 06:25 AM (EST)]You know you're old when hear muzack and can remember the words to the song.

You know you're old when you hear a Ronco commerical and the first thing you think about is "The Pocket Fisherman".

You know you're old when a your kid comes up to you and says "Hey homie me and the posse wanna slam down to the spins and yo' yo' yo'rip somethings. Then go over the fly's crib and get som bitch'es to corral them things and go check'n the reels at the buster for anything thats hip." and all you can do is say, "Yes".

You know you're old when someone says 401K and instead of thinking about the Nail Head 1961 Buick you think about retirement.

You know you're old when you see someone "smoke the tires" and all you can think about is how much a new set is going to cost them.

You know you're old if you ever had a drivers liecense that didn't have a photo.

You know you're old if you can remember when HBO only played movies and MTV only showed videos.

And Finally you know you're old if you can remember that the R rating at movies meant no one under 17 was admitted without parents And they actually carded you.

 

The puns were great, and the second part,---well let's just say I remember most if not all of them!!!!
Jeez..... I must be older than dirt!!!

Bru
2002 F150 Super Crew
Black 4X4 Lariat
5.4 Engine Ford Chrome Bars

1979 Bronco 351M 75K orig.

 

Older than dirt .....Yes.
But, you're younger than rocks !


Do you remember:

Lik-a-made
Candy bars were a nickle
Coke was a nickle
Soda Pop was sold in coolers and you slid the bottle down a slot to the money activated bottle release.
Old Dutch potato chips were a nickle (and you got more than $1.30's worth of today)
The hoola hoop,slinkie,frisbee,yo-yo's,spin tops,just came out
You could get a baking soda powered submarine in cereal.
Roy Rodger's,Wild Bill Hickok,The Cisco Kid,Zorro all had radio & television shows.
You could play Cowboy's and Indian's (Canadian & American History re-lived)without fear of being ridiculed.
Crane machines (called Digger's)for a nickle play.
Dinky Tools,Matchbox, Hot wheels,& Meccano sets were introduced to the public.
Puma's,Ked's,Adidas were the gym shoes of the day.
Basketball shoes were Black & White(called Hightopper's)
Socks lasted years instead of hours.
Car Batteries lasted for over 10+ years


[b][i][font color=red]Dennis[/font][i][b]
[font color=red]Calgary,Alberta,Canada[/font]

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"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's" [/font]

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641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
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And remember Sunday afternoon's at Grandma's house,

Home made cake and cookies,

drinking real home made lemonade,

playing with your cousins in Grandma's back yard, under the big oak tree with a rope swing still in it,

listening to Granpop tell stories about the old days,farming with horses,

It was a simpler, better time!!!

Bru
2002 F150 Super Crew
Black 4X4 Lariat
5.4 Engine Ford Chrome Bars

1979 Bronco 351M 75K orig

 

The Fuller Brush man. Always giving your sisters free, tiny, bottles of 'toilet water', who would then sneak up and smear some on you- uggggghhh!

Yep, I remember every one well. Along with most of the jokes I learned in 5th grade but nothing I learned yesterday.

Don't forget B/W TV and the repair man with his giant suitcase of tubes and repair parts. The Hero of the Hour when he showed up.

Doctors that made house calls to give you shots! "Where is that kid??

Bob Hope turned 99. Since Uncle Milty is dead, I'll play his part, steal a one-liner and say "Thanks for the Memories".

 

[font color=red]Do I get any extra points?[/font]


How many do you remember?

1. Candy cigarettes.
That you bought from a truck that drove around suburban heighborhoods everynight - check. Also "Atomic Fireballs", and "Beatles" cards with gum.

2. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
DIME STORE! (back before "dollar stores")

3. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.
Yeah, and the short bottles had to be left in the rack next to the machine, or you paid the deposit on the spot

4. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes.
You mean the chrome ones with the flip levers, or the "modern" ones with the buttons on them?

5. Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.
Yeah, road rations for between diners when crossing country by car...


6.Home milk delivery in glass bottles,with cardboard stoppers.
BROWN milk bottles, in a little blue plastic crate that was left on the porch.

7. Party lines.
Geez mom, I tried to call, but someone was yakkin' about their boyfriend on the other line...

8. Newsreels before the movie.
Oh yeah! Great black and white moments in television history.

9. P. F. Flyers.
AND Chuck Taylors ($30, these days)

10. Butch wax.
~Just call me 'slick'...

11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix, (Drexel-5505).
Just like the ones on the "Dick Van Dyke" show...

12. Peashooters.
yep. Swallowed my share of peas by accident too!

13. Howdy.
DOODY!!!

14. 45-RPM Records.
Apple records released a lot of the beatles hits on those

15. Green Stamps.
Also Blue Chip stamps.

16. Hi-fi's.
In BIG wooden cabinets

17. Metal ice cube trays-with levers.
Those are the best kind...

18. Mimeograph paper.
All through school!

19. Blue flash Bulbs.
How about "Flash Cubes"???

20. Beanie and Cecil.
AAAAHHH!!!! The SEA HAG!!!!

21. Roller skate keys.
*grins*

22. Cork pop guns.
yep

23. Drive ins.
Yeah.... I miss them.

24. Studebakers.
Still a few out there!

25. Wash tub wringers.
I had a gas engine from a maytag at one time...

26. The Fuller Brush man.
We made so many jokes about that guy when we learned to cuss...

27. Reel-to-reel tape recorders.
8 hours per tape!

28. Tinkertoys.
And Lincoln Logs

29. The Erector Set.
Gilbert Inc.

30. The Fort Apache Playset.
My brother got that, I was peeved...

31. Lincoln Logs.
~Oops! Um, yeah - that thing...

32. 15 cent McDonald hamburgers.
"Over ONE MILLION SOLD!"

33. 5 cent packs of baseball cards...with that awful pink slab of bubblegum.
See "Beatles Cards"

34. Penny candy.
Bazooka Joe!

35. 35 cent-a-gallon gasoline.
Also 35 cent packs of Marlboro's


~Did I pass??????


>=op

 

That was great Dennis. I remember it all to well. The only thing I question was the price of gas. I recall in the early 70's .17-.19 cents a gallon and price wars. Besides that someone would do the pumping and you might even get a "collector glass"! Infact there wasn't any kind of DIY or self serve anything back then. Who made acouple of bucks pumping gas while growing up?? I didn't but spent alot of time hanging around there with all the old (meaning 19-22 yr olds) car guys!

 

I just remembered another one,
Soda and beer cans that were made of steel and you had to use a can opener.